Dirt Cake

Jeny:  Hey Susan, you're from Wisconsin.  Do you know what dirt cake is?
Susan: No...  what is it?
Jeny: Basically crushed up oreos layered with chocolate pudding served in a plastic pot.
Susan:  Oh no Jeny, no no no no no no no!!!

Peebles

Pat: I ate sushi in Ohio. What risks did you take today?

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Dentist

Phil: I warned the girl that my tongue gets all crazy when it's full of novocaine.

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Yardwork

Dad: I worked outside too but I didn't shower because I'm a manly man.

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Mentorship

Jen: Who's Melissa?
Bernie:  Oh, um, yeah, she's the, uh, OTHER girl I'm helping write her thesis.
Jen: You two-timing son of a bitch.

Webex

Curtis: Can you guys keep it down over here? I'm trying to listen to this propaganda.

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Quinoa

Phil: What is it?
Jen: Quinoa. Kinda like rice.
Phil: Where's it from?
Jen: Africa?
Phil: Probably has ebola in it. If you turn into a monkey I'll know.

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Sloves

Dan:  Well, at least you're empathizing with a T-Rex right now.

Cribbage

Adam:  You wanna ice-axe me in the kidney?

Life After College

Jason: I've done my best phone interviews after a couple of beers.

Jen and John

Jen: What's in my pocket?
John: Phil's roll.
Phil: I need a break.
Jen: It's called retirement, Phil.

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Fitting data

Charlie: Why do it half assed when you can be a complete ass?

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Trident

Mark: Anyone else want some bean dip eraser?

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Love-Hate

John: That sounds like my relationship with eggs Benedict.

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Kettlebells

John:  No, Jen's Spiderman.  You're like Mosquito Girl.

One year

Paul:  I haven't seen cat poo in the garden in three hundred and sixty five days.

Epic Ales

Jan: Are they too cool for your brewery, sweetie?

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Old technology

Tim: No one answered my emails.
Joe:  Let's try the old-fashioned way.
Tim:  Carrier pidgeon?  Or... one if by land, two if by sea?
Joe:  Or the phone, let's just go back one century.

What's the plan?

Phil:  What's going on?  Are we going over there in a few minutes?
Jen:  I don't know.  I thought you were in charge of this operation.
Phil:  I'm eating a banana.

Eating habits

Phil: I try not to eat breakfast. I know what will happen. Beer is bad enough. You eat breakfast too and you're done for.

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Whoops

Tim: Uh oh. NASA crashed a rocket into the ocean.
Jen: What?
Tim: Yeah, that's not outer space.

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More TM fun

Phil: You know you can hypnotize pigeons that way.
Tim: Jesus Phil, why do you know that?

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Tuesday night trivia

Cole: I guess I shouldn't holler at bitties. I guess I shouldn't call them bitties either, huh?

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There's a difference.

Don: I'm not cynical, I'm just tired of this shit.

Measurements

Zana: I would like to impart my infinite metric imperial f*ck ton of wisdom here: boys are stupid.

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Pick up Lines

Rob:  Manny thinks I should get a tshirt that says "I'm a rocket scientist.  Wanna see my rocket?"  With an arrow pointing to my crotch.
Jen: Really?
Manny:  YEAH!!
Alexis: I bet that would be *really* successful.

Testing with Phil

Jen:  Phil!  If you don't shut up, we'll all be here 'til next Tuesday!  Quit running your mouth and go start the test.
Phil:  I'M HERE FOR SCIENCE!!!

Phil:  I think I have a utility that will do that.  But it's been so long since I've made a mistake I'll have to relearn how to use it.

Running Quote of the Day

Pat:  Helicopters with guns are ALWAYS better than helicopters without guns.

Apple Pie a la Phil

Phil:  I have to make an apple pie tonight.
Jen: Why?
Phil:  I don't know.  Because I make an apple pie once a week.  Keeps me busy.

Happy Birthday Bernie

Fred:  Oh, Bernie, it's your birthday?  How old are you?
Bernie:  18 + 21.
Fred:  Oooh, next year is the big one.  Are we doing anything?
Bernie:  Um, sure.  We can have cake!
Fred:  Oh, I thought maybe we'd go to Vegas.

Ignore Jason Mode

Jason:  Phil.  Hey Phil.  Phil!
Jen: Phil, Jason's calling your name.
Phil:  I don't care.
Jen: Did he piss you off?
Phil:  No.  Today I just don't care.

A chat with Zana

Jeny: I should be able to accommodate all the women, but you can't invite the boys because there is certainly not room.
Zana: Boys are not invited. They're stinky.
Jeny: And have cooties!
Zana: No shit.

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Back to Pax?

Mark:  Hi James... gee I sure do miss going to Pax.
Jen:  Can it, Miller!
Tim:  Mark, you lying sack of shit.
Mark:  Well, there's some folks sitting around me who don't feel the same way.

Birds

Joe:  Wait, why is it good luck?
Jeny:  I think that it's just something people say to make you feel better about a bird pooping on you.

Women's ride to Burien

Zana:  I didn't want to hit the bottom of this hill at 35mph with a soft front tire.  Be careful too guys, there's a little off camber section near the bottom.

[One giant descent later.]

Jeny:  You know Zana, I got about halfway down the hill and thought to myself:  I don't know what "off camber" means.  This could be bad.

Wisdom of the SDL Shop

Brad:  I drank a lot of beer in high school and I did a lot of drugs too.  Now I come here, sit at this table, work the accels for you guys.  They pay me a lot of money too.  Life is pretty good for me.  You - you're all stressed out.  You are a victim of your own life choices.

Aware

Mark:  Oh, I'm suppose to be aware?  You want me to be aware?  Ok, I'll be aware.  This is me being aware.  I am so full of aware right now.  I am dripping with aware.

Psychic

Rich: I'm reading my palm.
Jen: What's it say?
Rich: That I cut myself.

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Working with Noise

Curtis: Where the hell is my scientific calculator!!!

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Green Bay

Gary: You know, those guys who paint themselves up look pretty silly, but the Cheese-hats are really the most ridiculous of all.

A token of appreciation

Peter: I'd get you guys Tully's cards, but you don't have them down here.
Jason: No, all we have is the bikini baristas down the street.

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New Lights

Tim:  It's brighter in here right?  I don't like it.  I can't work like this.

11 for 2011

Jen's goals - or resolutions as some my call them - for the coming year.

1. Get a monthly massage.  Focus on keeping my back healthy.
2. Communicate better and continue to grow in the relationships that are important to me.
3. Reduce grain, dairy & sugar intake.
4. Finish this damn thesis.
5. Operate on a budget and make financially responsible decisions.
6. Improve at-desk posture.
7. Institute a weekly "community" gathering, i.e. movie nights, summer pitchers of sangria in the backyard, Sunday morning brunch potlucks.  Invite all my friends.
8.  Build myself a hot tub!
9.  Incorporate a commute to work in ways that aren't driving my car: bike, bus or carpool.
10.  Take more pictures.  Bake more cookies.  Go to more concerts.  (But first finish that thesis.)
11.  Be more spontaneous; don't get into a daily/weekly/monthly rut of doing the same things over and over.

Joel & Charlie

Joel: ... and then you come in here, and walk over to this table, and load it, test it, load it, test it...
Bernie:  They sound like an old married couple right?  So which one of you is sleeping on the couch tonight?
Joel: [points to Charlie.]
Charlie:  Who SAT in this chair last?  What is WRONG with you??  I'M not sleeping on any couch. 

Changing a tire

Zana: Three greatest inventions ever - duct tape, zip ties and Coca Cola.

A conversation with Bernie

Bernie:  So you have two options.
Jen: 1) Go sit at Rayleigh.  2) Quit.
Bernie: No, 2 is wrong.
Jen: Dammit.
Bernie:  Your score is 50%.
Jen: 50% = Fail.
Bernie: Sory that's a failing grade.  But wait!  You get extra credit for being lovable.  So you get a 66%.
Jen: Yesssssss!
Bernie: Pass!
Jen: Wait, that means I can't quit.

Lab Dating Scene

Patrick:  Hmm, if I *were* dating George, then I could ask him to do something about Mitch.

Computer Games

Joe: Capture the flag is so much more fun with guns.

Age digs

Jaami:  Hey Jeny, this is Phil Collins.  Thought you might be a little young to recognize him.

Jaami: I think I'm sore from last night's workout.
Lisa: What did you do?
Jeny: KINECT!

Noah's Ark

Dad Petrelli: Elephants weren't made for fifteen thousand feet. You'd need to give them oxygen up there. You'd have monkeys flopping over, giraffes barfing all over each other - it's just not practical!

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San Diego Zoo

Dad Petrelli: Come on Joseph, you'll never make any time walking behind three year olds.

Dad Petrelli: That's not true. Once [eucalyptus] leaves get too weak. They move on to snorting crack.

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10 lessons from 2010

1. Don't go to bed angry.  Say goodbye.  And I love you.
2. Somethings are important in life, the rest is just filler and not necessarily worth your time.  Let go of the excess.  It just doesn't matter.
3. When things fall apart, the people that matter will still be there.
4. Read the ingredients and err on the side of caution.
5. Sometimes you really don't know what a good thing you have until its absence slaps you in the face.
6. Each person you meet is new and exciting, but only for so long.  Or, "eventually everybody turns into a Brian."
7.  Don't spend all your time and energy giving if you're not getting anything back.  Sometimes you need to put yourself first.
8.  Swimming is terribly boring, but can be so therapeutic.
9.  The physical time that someone is in your life is by no means directly related to their impact on you.
10.  You can never have too much patience, grace or humility.  Keep a supply of each at the ready.

Mom's kitchen

Mom: Who put beer in the vegetable drawer??

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Diamond

Dr. Joe: Here you see the carbon molecular structure, kind of like sheets. Here is what happens when you add heat and compression and it becomes much more expensive.

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Bike Team Meeting Highlights

Dustin:  What?  Do you like have exclusive rights on failure?

Zana:  Chakaranda?  F-ing forget about it.

Dustin:  Guess how long my massage was from 4 to 6 today.  TWO HOURS.

Zana: Brad, you're an asshole.
Brad: Yeah, I could be.

Horrible

Scott:  Well, if you had a ham sandwich with mayonaise all over it sitting outside for three days, that would be pretty horrible.  But, if you had a girlfriend with mayonaise all over her, sittting outside for three days, that might not be as horrible.

Matlab Objects

George: I feel sorry for your brain.

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Paleo Diet

Andrew: The monks drank beer, so it must be fine.

Perspective

Joe: I've got something in my eye.  Ugh.  I hope my eye doesn't fall out.
Jeny: Yeah, that would be awkward.
Joe: I might lose my perspective on things.

Thanksgiving at the Brown Turtle's

Mikey:  You know when you see a disco ball it's like a PTA safehouse.  You think, "those must be good people.  The must know good people too.  Like ABBA."

Scott: This year I did a pretty good job of pacing myself.  But next year, I'm gonna have a little bit of puu puu's, a little plate of dinner, and a big f---ing bowl of pie.

Seattle Snow

Joe:  Wanna do a 360 and see if we end up going straight???

Animal Lover

Kareem:  I once stopped traffic so that a snake could cross the road.  But don't get me wrong, I'm not some kind of super animal lover.  I ride my bike through Marymoor Park everyday and I see if I can ride close enough to the geese to kick one.  I mean, I bet I could launch one of them REALLY far.  Like, punt it all the way back to Canada.

Temperature

Bernie:  Well, Jen, no one can say that you're not warm and cozy on the inside, and if they do...
Jen: F--- 'em.

Breakfast at the lab

Joel:  I saw Bernie earlier.  He was eating Corn Flakes.  With Raisins.  Always something healthy.   To start the day anyway.  Me - I eat a can of tomatoes.
Jen: With salt and pepper, I assume.  Are they whole?  Or diced?
Joel:  Oh diced.  I used to eat whole ones, but then I dropped one and you know what happens then.  You know how they shampoo the carpets every year?  I think it's because of my whole tomato incident.
Jen:  I see.  I've been eating eggs in the morning, maybe I have it all wrong.
Joel:  You should try the tomatoes sometime.  I have two can openers at my desk and you're welcome to borrow them any time.

A New Dell

Pat: You buying a new desktop?
Fred: Yeah, I need to replace my wife's computer.
Pat: Better than replacing your wife.  Cheaper too!

Factory Testing

Don:  What did I tell you this was gonna be like?  That's right, two footballs f---ing a monkey.

More Pax

Chuck:  We *could* finish by Saturday, yes.  All the air in this room *could* fly up to that top left corner too, but I'm not worried about it.

Definition

Jaami:  Well, why don't you just try relaxing then?
Jeny:  Wait, what?  What's that?
Jaami:  I'll google it for you.
Jeny:  Great.  Maybe Wikipedia has an entry on it.

Removal of Edna

Eric: Good luck with the surgery. It's basically just removing some fat and skin, so I'm sure you can row a few days later. Duh.

Cycling Shoes

Chuck:  Beautiful, sexy and empowering?  Hell, I might get a pair!

Preflight

Ricardo:  Why are you guys all looking at each other like you've just seen fire for the first time??

College

Rachel:  I don't understand why all your classes were so hard.  Mine were easy!
Chad: That's because you got a degree in journalism.

How did that happen?

Bridget: By jove, I think we're turning in to grown ups!  Dammit.

LUC

James: Sorry my crews were being JACKMUNCHES and hogging the entire canal!

The SDL Way

Joe: Does George know his training isn't working?
Jen: No, I think we've just been discussing that amongst ourselves.
Joe: Ok.  Well, let's wait a few more days before we tell him.

Luck

Pilot: A cat just ran across the taxiway!  A black f---ing cat.

Pax

Jeny: And then they brought this woman in...
Chad: Could you say that with a little bit more disdain in your voice?

NYC

Eric:  Some people don't like to shit where they eat; I don't like to change where I sleep.

Ireland

Sile: That's right.  If you try to break in to someone's house in Ireland, you'll be leaving with a load of lead in your ass.

Smartass

Andrew:  This is for King of the Mountain points, right?
Jeny:  No one likes a smartass on a hill.

[160 miles later.]

Jeny: Wait, so we do or do not take the St. John's Bridge?
Andrew:  No one likes a smartass at mile 200.

Winlock

Andrew:  I'm not so sure about this town's ability to do math.

STP

Andrew:  Well, we pulled hard for a good 10 miles there.  I'm cool with mooching for the rest of the ride.

John's Truck

John:  Oh, you are about to see the key feature.  OH YEAH!  LOOK AT THAT TURNING RADIUS!  If we had been in a semi, we would have been in that wall!

Volleyball

Nate: Mom, it's called "volleyball" not "knock out little six year olds!"

In the Double

Chris:  Ah yes, Fourth of July weekend.  Or, the Annual Parade of the Nautically Incompetent.

Math in Public

Chris: So on this schedule, you're showing four days of testing - I've been telling the factory we'll need one day of setup, two days of testing and one day of tear down.  Am I misleading them?

Pax Velo Club

Deb: Matt, I saw you riding the other day!
Matt:  Oh yeah, did you say "Woah!  J-Lo is in Southern Maryland!  TERRIFIC."  No, that was just me.  And my ass.
Deb:  I thought you were skinny.  You have a waist, afterall.
Matt:  Yes, I am skinny.  I'm Southern Maryland Skinny.

Richard's Suggestions List

Some suggestions for diversions (without a clue as to where you are):
- take a book to nearest park
- take a book to nearest wine bar
- check out the closest museum, regardless of what it is.
- find nearest karaoke bar, drink then sing. Bonus for getting your colleagues drunk and posting video on facebook.
- find nearest pinball machine, kick its ass
- find a real pool hall (not pub with tables).
- go to nearest movie theatre, see next movie, regardless of what it is. Eat popcorn.
- check out the nearest small airport, have a drink if possible, bonus if they have food. Take pictures of unusual planes, send to Richard
- check out nearest bowling alley, be alert to freak show
- go to walmart and look for the biggest ass (be prepared to be scared)

Audrey

Neal:  Dude, Becker.  What did you say to her?  Because she SMILED at you.

Where do you row?

Marie: Rowing for Sammamish practically makes you a republican.

What's that ringing noise?

Chuck: I'm testing out this male mosquito repellent.  Is it driving you crazy?
Jeny: Well, seeing that I'm not a male mosquito...

Highlights from Flutter Testing

Jason: I became a communist so I wouldn't have to go to Pax.

Tim: Light pink, not gay pink.

The Other Tim: Oh!  You said "table lead sits here."  I heard "table lead buys beer!"

Tim:  Just another lying piece of shit.

Tim: You're not impressed, I can tell.  In fact, you're snarling.

Test Status Board

Mark:  So if something is flashing on here, does that mean I need to toggle my "give a shit" switch from no to yes?  That's really all I need to know.

How Canadians run a regatta

[Read in a thick South African accent.]
Mike: I tell you what you do.  You get out the gun, shoot the kids and get on with the race.

Something about me

Niki: This morning I had to do an icebreaker and write down something about me that no one knew.  I couldn't think of anything, so I said that I had once been bitten by an ostrich.

My Dad, the Cyber Blogger

Arrived in Michigan about 3:30 p.m. Friday, May 7, 2010
Went to dinner with Andrew at a Middle Eastern Restaurant

Saturday, May 8, 2010 after a leisurely morning, we went to lunch.  Lauren of John and Lauren joined us at Noodles on Grand River across the street from MSU.
Went back to Hotel and got ready for Andrew's Graduation Ceremonies.
Graduation Ceremonies commenced at 4:00 p.m. and ended about 6:00 p.m.
Reception after graduation with punch, cheese, and crackers.
Left graduation ceremony and went to pick up Andrew's mattress from the basement of a friend's house.
Loaded his mattress into the van noticing that it had gotten wet in the basement and had a fair amount of mold.
Drove mattress to Music School Building where Andrew and I disposed of it in a dumpster behind the building.  1,2,3 and heave ho!
Andrew picked up a few items from the music building that he had in the Bass Room.
From there we went to pick up Andrew's belongings from storage in the basement of apartment building where he stayed first semester.
Andrew and I were still in our suits and suit coats!
Loaded van.
Went back to Hotel.
Changed into our regular clothes.

Departed from Michigan
Headed to Grandma Wiese's house.
Arrived at Grandma Wiese's house about 11:30 p.m.
Went to bed.

Sunday, May 9, 2010
Rise and shine at 4:45 a.m.
Left Grandma's house at 5:25 a.m.
Andrew drove us to Midway Airport where he took flight to Houston, Texas
Mom and I drove north to Milwaukee stopping at a Cracker Barrel restaurant about 20-25 minutes south of the Wisconsin border
Arrived back home at 10:00 a.m.

Hungry

Jen: How am I hungry already?
Kevin: It's not tummy hungry... it's your mouth lying to your brain and blaming your tummy.
Jen: Dammit!!!

Toes (via text message)

Joe:  Hey, I need to paint my toenails.  Have any nail polish I could borrow?
Jeny: Yes I do.  Bathroom.  Medicine cabinet.  Top shelf?  Look around.  Shouldn't be anything embarrassing.  For you or me.  And make sure you shake it!
Joe: Oh good call.  I don't do this every day (that you know of)!!
Jeny: I only wish I could be there.
Joe: How long does it take to dry?
Jeny: Give it at least 10 min.  Should be dry to the touch by then.
Joe: Do you have remover?!?
Jeny: Bottom shelf.  Back left corner.
Joe: Phew!  Thanks!!

Jeopardy

Alex: A type of beer by Guinness, or what you will become if you drink too many.
Jeny: What is Stout.
Joe: What is Brilliant!

Vegan

Jeny: These turkey meatballs are vegan... except for the turkey.