Wednesday, September 28, 2016


Chance: Everyday starts with the decision of who I'm going to disappoint. 

Caffeine -> Heroin

Bernie: I can't drink caffeine after noon, or I'll be up all night.  It's like that iced tea I just had at lunch.  It's so good -- I don't know what they put in it.
Brandon: Heroin.
Jen: [snorts coffee out nose]
Brandon: But it's organic heroin, fair trade -- the good stuff.  It's from PCC.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Shit Trump Says

Pat: Less stress about nukes in Iran? Eh, whatever. It didn't lower my tax bill so I don't give a f--k.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Substitute launch driver.

Hannah: I'm heavily medicated right now so I can help with whatever you need. 

Shower Coffee

Jen: It's almost as good as a shower beer.
Dave: But it's not quite 8am.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Fish Stories

Laura: I was at the library...
Jeny: This sounds dangerous.  

Friday, September 23, 2016

Accounting Math

Steph: The amount of cheese I eat is not linear.  

Olfactory Sense

John: I accused Hannah yesterday of using Jet A perfume. 

Thursday, September 22, 2016


Margot: I just sinusoidaled in my pants. 

Pie charts in Excel

JPK: Scoot over, let me mansplain this to you. 

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

BBQ Shopping at Costco.

Marty: Hey Ann -- nice buns.

Coming back as a Contractor

Tim: What silly-ass nonsense is that?

Friday, September 16, 2016


Kate: I have Boy Scout popcorn if anyone wants any. And if not...
Dave: Buy some anyway. 

Morning Temperature

Dave: It's warmer than I thought out here. I'm like, actually sweating. 
Sarah: That's called working out, Dave. 

Morning row

Old lady #1: The guys did a hard erg piece. But Julie is fresh. What have you done this morning?
Old lady #2: Got out of bed. 

Thursday, September 15, 2016


Margot: You're having zucchini rage. 

Monday, September 12, 2016


Suzanne: We're 34. There's no excuse for non-snuggling. 

Thursday, September 8, 2016


Pat: All this time, we thought we were buying her love with steak, but she was stealing our hearts. 
Jen: And she still got the steak. 

Sunday, September 4, 2016

My foot!!

Joe: I am a competent homemaker.  

Friday, September 2, 2016

Partial Information

Bernie: All I'm saying is that dBA doesn't tell you the whole picture.
Jen: It only tells you A picture!

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Explosion on video.

Kate: Aren't they the ones pushing the envelope more than we are?
Steve: Kinda looks like it.


Jen: All we have is hope.
Meredith: I thought all we had was snark and bad attitudes.

Six finance people.

John: You won't believe how many incompetent people are in these meetings.
Meredith: No, I think we can.

Employee of the Month

Trey: I took out the recycling.
Jen: It's about time you did something useful around here.