Leadership

Chance: Everyday starts with the decision of who I'm going to disappoint. 

Caffeine -> Heroin

Bernie: I can't drink caffeine after noon, or I'll be up all night.  It's like that iced tea I just had at lunch.  It's so good -- I don't know what they put in it.
Brandon: Heroin.
Jen: [snorts coffee out nose]
Brandon: But it's organic heroin, fair trade -- the good stuff.  It's from PCC.

Shit Trump Says

Pat: Less stress about nukes in Iran? Eh, whatever. It didn't lower my tax bill so I don't give a f--k.

Substitute launch driver.

Hannah: I'm heavily medicated right now so I can help with whatever you need. 

Shower Coffee

Jen: It's almost as good as a shower beer.
Dave: But it's not quite 8am.

Fish Stories

Laura: I was at the library...

Jeny: This sounds dangerous.  

Accounting Math

Steph: The amount of cheese I eat is not linear.  

Olfactory Sense

John: I accused Hannah yesterday of using Jet A perfume. 

Physics

Margot: I just sinusoidaled in my pants. 

Pie charts in Excel

JPK: Scoot over, let me mansplain this to you. 

BBQ Shopping at Costco.

Marty: Hey Ann -- nice buns.

Coming back as a Contractor

Tim: What silly-ass nonsense is that?

Fundraiser

Kate: I have Boy Scout popcorn if anyone wants any. And if not...

Dave: Buy some anyway. 

Morning Temperature

Dave: It's warmer than I thought out here. I'm like, actually sweating. 

Sarah: That's called working out, Dave. 

Morning row

Old lady #1: The guys did a hard erg piece. But Julie is fresh. What have you done this morning?

Old lady #2: Got out of bed. 

Ugggghhh!

Margot: You're having zucchini rage. 

Maturity

Suzanne: We're 34. There's no excuse for non-snuggling. 

Gaia

Pat: All this time, we thought we were buying her love with steak, but she was stealing our hearts. 

Jen: And she still got the steak. 

My foot!!

Joe: I am a competent homemaker.  

Partial Information

Bernie: All I'm saying is that dBA doesn't tell you the whole picture.
Jen: It only tells you A picture!

Explosion on video.

Kate: Aren't they the ones pushing the envelope more than we are?
Steve: Kinda looks like it.

Morale

Jen: All we have is hope.
Meredith: I thought all we had was snark and bad attitudes.

Six finance people.

John: You won't believe how many incompetent people are in these meetings.
Meredith: No, I think we can.

Employee of the Month

Trey: I took out the recycling.
Jen: It's about time you did something useful around here.