American What?

Don:  Your shirt doesn't have a picture of a crow shitting on something.
Justin:  Yeah - from the very popular store American Crow Shitting on Something.

Remote Testing

Tim:  I've not been in a situation where they have a meeting and no one is in charge, even those who are paying.
Jen:  Oh.  You do need me out there then.

Allergies

Jen:  I'm allergic to gold.
Mark:  Are you allergic to diamonds too?  That would probably make Adam pretty happy!

Plaid seats

Ted: Because it was cool in the 80's. For about four minutes.

New number scheme

Phil: Normally we just record channels umpty-squat to diddly-fret.

I meant beer.

Jen: I will buy you a six pack of whatever you want.
Adam: Blondes!

Inhibitions

Chance: I think the lizard brain is a lightweight!

Advice for Kids

Scott:  You're ok!  It'll feel better when it stops hurting.

That's What She Said

Adam:  I just can't get it up here.
Jen: [snort]
Chance:  You are such a dude!

August 6th

Jen: What do you have going on?
Tim: Defending the house from marauding teenagers.
Mark: Ha! I just join them.

Staffholes

Tim: It seems I get a headache earlier every day.

System checkout

Pat: Checkout? We just trouble shoot when things don't work.

Bourbon

Mom: Careful, the bottle spills when you pour it.
Jen: Amateur.

Reproducing

Andrew: I want to have 500k in the bank before I have a kid. You know, like paying up front.
Jen: Yeah, it costs like 280k to raise a kid.
Andrew: Good, then I can have two.

Family vacation

Mom: Thanks you guys, I really wanted a grown up picture.
Jennifer: Then you should have found some grown ups.

Vowels

Adam: They're funny that way, you can usually figure it out. Unless it's aardvark.