Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Noah's Ark

Dad Petrelli: Elephants weren't made for fifteen thousand feet. You'd need to give them oxygen up there. You'd have monkeys flopping over, giraffes barfing all over each other - it's just not practical!
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San Diego Zoo

Dad Petrelli: Come on Joseph, you'll never make any time walking behind three year olds.

Dad Petrelli: That's not true. Once [eucalyptus] leaves get too weak. They move on to snorting crack.
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Saturday, December 25, 2010

10 lessons from 2010

1. Don't go to bed angry.  Say goodbye.  And I love you.
2. Somethings are important in life, the rest is just filler and not necessarily worth your time.  Let go of the excess.  It just doesn't matter.
3. When things fall apart, the people that matter will still be there.
4. Read the ingredients and err on the side of caution.
5. Sometimes you really don't know what a good thing you have until its absence slaps you in the face.
6. Each person you meet is new and exciting, but only for so long.  Or, "eventually everybody turns into a Brian."
7.  Don't spend all your time and energy giving if you're not getting anything back.  Sometimes you need to put yourself first.
8.  Swimming is terribly boring, but can be so therapeutic.
9.  The physical time that someone is in your life is by no means directly related to their impact on you.
10.  You can never have too much patience, grace or humility.  Keep a supply of each at the ready.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Mom's kitchen

Mom: Who put beer in the vegetable drawer??
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Friday, December 17, 2010


Dr. Joe: Here you see the carbon molecular structure, kind of like sheets. Here is what happens when you add heat and compression and it becomes much more expensive.
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Monday, December 13, 2010

Bike Team Meeting Highlights

Dustin:  What?  Do you like have exclusive rights on failure?

Zana:  Chakaranda?  F-ing forget about it.

Dustin:  Guess how long my massage was from 4 to 6 today.  TWO HOURS.

Zana: Brad, you're an asshole.
Brad: Yeah, I could be.

Saturday, December 11, 2010


Scott:  Well, if you had a ham sandwich with mayonaise all over it sitting outside for three days, that would be pretty horrible.  But, if you had a girlfriend with mayonaise all over her, sittting outside for three days, that might not be as horrible.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Matlab Objects

George: I feel sorry for your brain.
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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Paleo Diet

Andrew: The monks drank beer, so it must be fine.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Joe: I've got something in my eye.  Ugh.  I hope my eye doesn't fall out.
Jeny: Yeah, that would be awkward.
Joe: I might lose my perspective on things.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving at the Brown Turtle's

Mikey:  You know when you see a disco ball it's like a PTA safehouse.  You think, "those must be good people.  The must know good people too.  Like ABBA."

Scott: This year I did a pretty good job of pacing myself.  But next year, I'm gonna have a little bit of puu puu's, a little plate of dinner, and a big f---ing bowl of pie.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Seattle Snow

Joe:  Wanna do a 360 and see if we end up going straight???

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Animal Lover

Kareem:  I once stopped traffic so that a snake could cross the road.  But don't get me wrong, I'm not some kind of super animal lover.  I ride my bike through Marymoor Park everyday and I see if I can ride close enough to the geese to kick one.  I mean, I bet I could launch one of them REALLY far.  Like, punt it all the way back to Canada.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


Bernie:  Well, Jen, no one can say that you're not warm and cozy on the inside, and if they do...
Jen: F--- 'em.

Breakfast at the lab

Joel:  I saw Bernie earlier.  He was eating Corn Flakes.  With Raisins.  Always something healthy.   To start the day anyway.  Me - I eat a can of tomatoes.
Jen: With salt and pepper, I assume.  Are they whole?  Or diced?
Joel:  Oh diced.  I used to eat whole ones, but then I dropped one and you know what happens then.  You know how they shampoo the carpets every year?  I think it's because of my whole tomato incident.
Jen:  I see.  I've been eating eggs in the morning, maybe I have it all wrong.
Joel:  You should try the tomatoes sometime.  I have two can openers at my desk and you're welcome to borrow them any time.

Monday, November 15, 2010

A New Dell

Pat: You buying a new desktop?
Fred: Yeah, I need to replace my wife's computer.
Pat: Better than replacing your wife.  Cheaper too!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Factory Testing

Don:  What did I tell you this was gonna be like?  That's right, two footballs f---ing a monkey.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

More Pax

Chuck:  We *could* finish by Saturday, yes.  All the air in this room *could* fly up to that top left corner too, but I'm not worried about it.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Jaami:  Well, why don't you just try relaxing then?
Jeny:  Wait, what?  What's that?
Jaami:  I'll google it for you.
Jeny:  Great.  Maybe Wikipedia has an entry on it.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Removal of Edna

Eric: Good luck with the surgery. It's basically just removing some fat and skin, so I'm sure you can row a few days later. Duh.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Cycling Shoes

Chuck:  Beautiful, sexy and empowering?  Hell, I might get a pair!


Ricardo:  Why are you guys all looking at each other like you've just seen fire for the first time??

Sunday, September 12, 2010


Rachel:  I don't understand why all your classes were so hard.  Mine were easy!
Chad: That's because you got a degree in journalism.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

How did that happen?

Bridget: By jove, I think we're turning in to grown ups!  Dammit.


James: Sorry my crews were being JACKMUNCHES and hogging the entire canal!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The SDL Way

Joe: Does George know his training isn't working?
Jen: No, I think we've just been discussing that amongst ourselves.
Joe: Ok.  Well, let's wait a few more days before we tell him.

Sunday, August 22, 2010


Pilot: A cat just ran across the taxiway!  A black f---ing cat.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


Jeny: And then they brought this woman in...
Chad: Could you say that with a little bit more disdain in your voice?

Sunday, August 8, 2010


Eric:  Some people don't like to shit where they eat; I don't like to change where I sleep.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


Sile: That's right.  If you try to break in to someone's house in Ireland, you'll be leaving with a load of lead in your ass.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Andrew:  This is for King of the Mountain points, right?
Jeny:  No one likes a smartass on a hill.

[160 miles later.]

Jeny: Wait, so we do or do not take the St. John's Bridge?
Andrew:  No one likes a smartass at mile 200.


Andrew:  I'm not so sure about this town's ability to do math.


Andrew:  Well, we pulled hard for a good 10 miles there.  I'm cool with mooching for the rest of the ride.

Monday, July 12, 2010

John's Truck

John:  Oh, you are about to see the key feature.  OH YEAH!  LOOK AT THAT TURNING RADIUS!  If we had been in a semi, we would have been in that wall!

Sunday, July 11, 2010


Nate: Mom, it's called "volleyball" not "knock out little six year olds!"

Friday, July 2, 2010

In the Double

Chris:  Ah yes, Fourth of July weekend.  Or, the Annual Parade of the Nautically Incompetent.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Math in Public

Chris: So on this schedule, you're showing four days of testing - I've been telling the factory we'll need one day of setup, two days of testing and one day of tear down.  Am I misleading them?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Pax Velo Club

Deb: Matt, I saw you riding the other day!
Matt:  Oh yeah, did you say "Woah!  J-Lo is in Southern Maryland!  TERRIFIC."  No, that was just me.  And my ass.
Deb:  I thought you were skinny.  You have a waist, afterall.
Matt:  Yes, I am skinny.  I'm Southern Maryland Skinny.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Richard's Suggestions List

Some suggestions for diversions (without a clue as to where you are):
- take a book to nearest park
- take a book to nearest wine bar
- check out the closest museum, regardless of what it is.
- find nearest karaoke bar, drink then sing. Bonus for getting your colleagues drunk and posting video on facebook.
- find nearest pinball machine, kick its ass
- find a real pool hall (not pub with tables).
- go to nearest movie theatre, see next movie, regardless of what it is. Eat popcorn.
- check out the nearest small airport, have a drink if possible, bonus if they have food. Take pictures of unusual planes, send to Richard
- check out nearest bowling alley, be alert to freak show
- go to walmart and look for the biggest ass (be prepared to be scared)

Saturday, June 5, 2010


Neal:  Dude, Becker.  What did you say to her?  Because she SMILED at you.

Where do you row?

Marie: Rowing for Sammamish practically makes you a republican.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

What's that ringing noise?

Chuck: I'm testing out this male mosquito repellent.  Is it driving you crazy?
Jeny: Well, seeing that I'm not a male mosquito...

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Highlights from Flutter Testing

Jason: I became a communist so I wouldn't have to go to Pax.

Tim: Light pink, not gay pink.

The Other Tim: Oh!  You said "table lead sits here."  I heard "table lead buys beer!"

Tim:  Just another lying piece of shit.

Tim: You're not impressed, I can tell.  In fact, you're snarling.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Test Status Board

Mark:  So if something is flashing on here, does that mean I need to toggle my "give a shit" switch from no to yes?  That's really all I need to know.

Monday, May 17, 2010

How Canadians run a regatta

[Read in a thick South African accent.]
Mike: I tell you what you do.  You get out the gun, shoot the kids and get on with the race.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Something about me

Niki: This morning I had to do an icebreaker and write down something about me that no one knew.  I couldn't think of anything, so I said that I had once been bitten by an ostrich.

My Dad, the Cyber Blogger

Arrived in Michigan about 3:30 p.m. Friday, May 7, 2010
Went to dinner with Andrew at a Middle Eastern Restaurant

Saturday, May 8, 2010 after a leisurely morning, we went to lunch.  Lauren of John and Lauren joined us at Noodles on Grand River across the street from MSU.
Went back to Hotel and got ready for Andrew's Graduation Ceremonies.
Graduation Ceremonies commenced at 4:00 p.m. and ended about 6:00 p.m.
Reception after graduation with punch, cheese, and crackers.
Left graduation ceremony and went to pick up Andrew's mattress from the basement of a friend's house.
Loaded his mattress into the van noticing that it had gotten wet in the basement and had a fair amount of mold.
Drove mattress to Music School Building where Andrew and I disposed of it in a dumpster behind the building.  1,2,3 and heave ho!
Andrew picked up a few items from the music building that he had in the Bass Room.
From there we went to pick up Andrew's belongings from storage in the basement of apartment building where he stayed first semester.
Andrew and I were still in our suits and suit coats!
Loaded van.
Went back to Hotel.
Changed into our regular clothes.

Departed from Michigan
Headed to Grandma Wiese's house.
Arrived at Grandma Wiese's house about 11:30 p.m.
Went to bed.

Sunday, May 9, 2010
Rise and shine at 4:45 a.m.
Left Grandma's house at 5:25 a.m.
Andrew drove us to Midway Airport where he took flight to Houston, Texas
Mom and I drove north to Milwaukee stopping at a Cracker Barrel restaurant about 20-25 minutes south of the Wisconsin border
Arrived back home at 10:00 a.m.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


Jen: How am I hungry already?
Kevin: It's not tummy hungry... it's your mouth lying to your brain and blaming your tummy.
Jen: Dammit!!!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Toes (via text message)

Joe:  Hey, I need to paint my toenails.  Have any nail polish I could borrow?
Jeny: Yes I do.  Bathroom.  Medicine cabinet.  Top shelf?  Look around.  Shouldn't be anything embarrassing.  For you or me.  And make sure you shake it!
Joe: Oh good call.  I don't do this every day (that you know of)!!
Jeny: I only wish I could be there.
Joe: How long does it take to dry?
Jeny: Give it at least 10 min.  Should be dry to the touch by then.
Joe: Do you have remover?!?
Jeny: Bottom shelf.  Back left corner.
Joe: Phew!  Thanks!!

Monday, April 26, 2010


Alex: A type of beer by Guinness, or what you will become if you drink too many.
Jeny: What is Stout.
Joe: What is Brilliant!

Sunday, April 25, 2010


Jeny: These turkey meatballs are vegan... except for the turkey.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Movie Jacket

Jeny: I can't tell if it's allergies or if I'm getting sick again.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Friday Night

Jeny:  What are you doing tomorrow night?  Because Niki's coming over for arts & crafts night.  That's your fair warning.
Joe: Well... that's actually perfect, because tomorrow night I was going to make a paper mache sundial.  But since the sun doesn't come out until like, June, no matter where I put it in the house, it will always be the same time.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Vaguest Statement Ever

Joe:  Someone told me about something you can buy at some store.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Flight Test

Scott: Boeing001 TM.
Heather: Go ahead TM.
Scott: Request engine anti ice on.
Heather: You want a hard on?
Scott: Um... Yes.

Sunday, February 21, 2010


Tom: And then the boiling hot can of Fosters that used to be up a chicken was falling off the table and onto Banjo.
Joe: And that's the day Banjo stopped drinking Fosters.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Silverware drawer

Joe:  I moved the big knife, under all the other knives, and to make that fit, I had to move the measuring cups too.
Jeny:  You are a silverware drawer organizing rockstar.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Bacon & Lentil Soup

Kevin: This is why I love you!  You appreciate the importance of bacon.

Thursday, January 28, 2010


Joe:  What is that color?  It's a minty baby blue.  What on earth would you match that too?
Jeny:  Um, Purdue Crew sweatpants.

Friday, January 22, 2010


On the brownie mix packaging:  Serves 16 when cut into 16 pieces.

2nd shift tie-in

Tim:  The cable to my front derailleur finally broke and I didn't have time to fix it, so I made cookies instead.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Friday Art Walk

Jeny:  Check it out.  Shock absorbing shoes for toddlers.
Joe:  Sweet.  So then you could drop your kid from three stories up.  Don't worry - he'll be fine, as long as he lands on his feet!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Jen's 10 Resolutions for a Better Me

1. Purge material stuff. Use less, want less, need less.
2. Worry less. Especially about the things that are out of my control.
3. Speak up. Say no. Loudly and often.
4. Don't stay in relationships that I'm not happy in. Spend more time in the ones that I am.
5. Stop feeling guilty about not pleasing everyone. I am not responsible for anybody else's happiness.
6. Eat less allergens and more veggies. Be good to my body.
7. Spend less. Save more. (See #1.)
8. Get things done. Stop procrastinating.
9. Give more hugs every day.
10. Throw more parties.

3 AAA Batteries

Joe: If I put it in my mouth, I can see through my nose!  This is INSANE!!!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

I don't actually follow football.

Matt: Does Cincinnati need to win this game to get into the playoffs?
Joe: Seven.