Monday, December 26, 2016
Another one bites the dust
Andrea: Have you heard about 2016's latest death?
Jeny: George Michael?
Andrea: No. My sandwich board sign.
Jeny: George Michael?
Andrea: No. My sandwich board sign.
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Playing nice
Tim: But I didn't put my bike on the rack today.
Patrick: You never do. Because you're not a cooperator.
The Longhonk
Patrick: It's the action of providing negative stimulus until the situation is resolved and the desired outcome is achieved.
More texting from Jeny & Zana
Chance: When I move to my cabin, perched high on the side of an Alaskan fjord, promise me you'll collect your texts twice a year, print them, and send them to me by salmon trawler. In return, I will have you to a hermit hootenanny. By moonlight.
Friday, December 9, 2016
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Moving
Zoe: I'm moving at the end of January but I don't know where. It's my favorite version of a plan.
Monday, December 5, 2016
Unexpected Desktop Behavior
Tim: You got this auto-reboot thing figured out yet?
Dave: It's a feature.
Tim: Can you make up for it with chocolate?
Dave: It's a feature.
Tim: Can you make up for it with chocolate?
Still working that project.
Jason: Yeah, now they want to try to quiet it down, which will be really hard. Especially if we don't have any hours.
Iron Deficiency
Tim: If only embalming fluid carried oxygen, it would be a good substitute for blood.
Friday, December 2, 2016
Did you bring me chocolate?
Tim: So our current little conundrum...
Jen: Is that I don't have any chocolate?
Tim: That's not a conundrum, that's a crisis.
Jen: Is that I don't have any chocolate?
Tim: That's not a conundrum, that's a crisis.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Logical Conclusion
Nickie: I'm up seven pounds.
Jeny: My pants don't fit right now.
Nickie: Well, clearly -- we make each other fat.
Jeny: My pants don't fit right now.
Nickie: Well, clearly -- we make each other fat.
Friday, November 18, 2016
Breakfast Order
Waitress: Do you want berries on your oatmeal?
Matt: Oh hell no. I hate berries and everything they stand for.
Matt: Oh hell no. I hate berries and everything they stand for.
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Fertilizing an Idea
Pat: You can't simmer. Unless you mean sitting in the dark and plotting your revenge. Then yes, you're good at that.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Monday, November 7, 2016
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Final Project Risk Reduction
Dr. Ron: Well, they're not ALL wrong, but most of them do have a high degree of improvements to be made.
Monday, October 31, 2016
Airplane Fires
Tim: People really want their bags.
Ben: And people are nice enough to wait for them?
Tim: That's where the yelling comes in.
Ben: I think I'd quickly escalate to trampling.
Ben: And people are nice enough to wait for them?
Tim: That's where the yelling comes in.
Ben: I think I'd quickly escalate to trampling.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Getting Stood Up
Sean: Did you invite me to a happy hour you're not coming to?
Alex: Why yes, yes I did do that. #oops
Alex: Why yes, yes I did do that. #oops
Advanced HP35670
Patrick: I'm still trying to figure out how to address the USB port.
Jen: Does it not respond to Sir USB? I'm pretty sure it was knighted.
Jen: Does it not respond to Sir USB? I'm pretty sure it was knighted.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Joe's Head
Ben: This guy needs a bump cap, because I found out yesterday he's had seven concussions.
John: All since you started working here?
John: All since you started working here?
Friday, October 21, 2016
Baby Boomer Tendencies
Susanna: So do you have a sports car, then?
Stacie: Oh yeah. If by "sports car" you mean "Honda Fit."
Stacie: Oh yeah. If by "sports car" you mean "Honda Fit."
HOCR Course
Stacie: So... two bridges, then it's one mile down...
Susanna: Is that going to be inspiring to you... or soul crushing?
Susanna: Is that going to be inspiring to you... or soul crushing?
Age Bracket
Susanna: You're not a baby boomer, you're Generation X.
Stacie: I'm on the edge. I could have tendencies!
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Sitting on a bouncy ball.
Trey: Do you want to know what happens when I get core strength? No. You don't.
Friday, October 14, 2016
Extra Latte
Rich: Ben won the coffee lottery, at which point Tim grabbed it and drank half while Ben had a bewildered look on his face.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Am I the sister you never wished you had?
Zoe: You're so distracting.
Margot: I haven't said anything to you in several minutes!
Margot: I haven't said anything to you in several minutes!
Culture to Performance
James: I don't know how much exposure you guys have had...
Kate: We want zero.
Kate: We want zero.
Processes
Toby: I was thinking the secret loophole would be buried on page 14 or 15, but nope -- there it is on page one.
4th Grade Halloween Costume
Jeny: Is that when you had to shank a bitch for calling you George Washington?
Zana: Oh no. That was FIRST grade, and he deserved it.
Zana: Oh no. That was FIRST grade, and he deserved it.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Friday, October 7, 2016
Signature
Tim: What the hell is that?
Jen: There is very clearly a "J" at the beginning and a very clear crossing of the T's at the end.
Tim: Riiiiight.
Jen: There is very clearly a "J" at the beginning and a very clear crossing of the T's at the end.
Tim: Riiiiight.
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Because we're adults.
Jeny: I had chocolate ice cream and mint tea for dinner. And now I'm going to bed.
Nickie: I'm going to have chips.
Nickie: I'm going to have chips.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Monday, October 3, 2016
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Bioterroism
Regan: Everyone is worried about anthrax. What they should be worried about is toddlers.
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Caffeine -> Heroin
Bernie: I can't drink caffeine after noon, or I'll be up all night. It's like that iced tea I just had at lunch. It's so good -- I don't know what they put in it.
Brandon: Heroin.
Jen: [snorts coffee out nose]
Brandon: But it's organic heroin, fair trade -- the good stuff. It's from PCC.
Brandon: Heroin.
Jen: [snorts coffee out nose]
Brandon: But it's organic heroin, fair trade -- the good stuff. It's from PCC.
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Shit Trump Says
Pat: Less stress about nukes in Iran? Eh, whatever. It didn't lower my tax bill so I don't give a f--k.
Monday, September 26, 2016
Substitute launch driver.
Hannah: I'm heavily medicated right now so I can help with whatever you need.
Saturday, September 24, 2016
Friday, September 23, 2016
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Friday, September 16, 2016
Morning Temperature
Dave: It's warmer than I thought out here. I'm like, actually sweating.
Sarah: That's called working out, Dave.
Morning row
Old lady #1: The guys did a hard erg piece. But Julie is fresh. What have you done this morning?
Old lady #2: Got out of bed.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Monday, September 12, 2016
Thursday, September 8, 2016
Gaia
Pat: All this time, we thought we were buying her love with steak, but she was stealing our hearts.
Jen: And she still got the steak.
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Friday, September 2, 2016
Partial Information
Bernie: All I'm saying is that dBA doesn't tell you the whole picture.
Jen: It only tells you A picture!
Jen: It only tells you A picture!
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Explosion on video.
Kate: Aren't they the ones pushing the envelope more than we are?
Steve: Kinda looks like it.
Steve: Kinda looks like it.
Six finance people.
John: You won't believe how many incompetent people are in these meetings.
Meredith: No, I think we can.
Meredith: No, I think we can.
Employee of the Month
Trey: I took out the recycling.
Jen: It's about time you did something useful around here.
Jen: It's about time you did something useful around here.
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Is that a dog in there?
Margot: I love Gaia so much. I want to put her in a papoose and wear her everywhere.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Joe & Mel Brooks Films
Pat: How are you friends with him??
Trey: He came into my life all mass spring dampers and no leakage!!!
Friday, August 19, 2016
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Dynamic Feedback
Bruce: Rick came down and walked the labs and we showed him all the stupid that was going on.
Saturday, August 13, 2016
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Baby Nightmares
Joe: This is not what I wanted to hear...
Becky: When your sister gets pregnant, you'll have these dreams too.
Becky: When your sister gets pregnant, you'll have these dreams too.
Friday, August 5, 2016
Dumb Decisions
John: We're shooting ourselves in the foot.
Dave: I'd say a little higher.
John: I was trying to be nice for Jen's sake.
Jen: It's cute that you still think of this as "mixed company."
Thursday, August 4, 2016
LMS Training
Joe: That was fun.
Jen: Are you lying to me?
Joe: No, I was being sarcastic. There's a difference.
Jen: Are you lying to me?
Joe: No, I was being sarcastic. There's a difference.
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
Thursday, July 28, 2016
#signedupforshit
Zana: Hooo boy, Chance is going to regret doing whatever was more important than this.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Candy Bar Love
Mark: What ever happened to Mrs. Goodbar?
Tim: What if she's buried in the backyard?
Becky: GASP!! Why would she ever marry such a terrible person?
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Get that man his stapler.
Rich: What will you do if they cancel your VLO?
Tim: I'll set the building on fire.
Tim: I'll set the building on fire.
Monday, July 11, 2016
Saturday, July 9, 2016
Summer knew that first.
Lilly: That shooting star you're wishing on could actually be an astronaut turd.
Friday, July 8, 2016
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Evening Plans
Joe: Did Rich ask you if you want to come to Two Beers with us after work?
Rich: She can't. She's got a lesbian thing to get to.
Friday, June 24, 2016
Language Comparison
Steve: There are some similarities between German and English.
Niki: Like kindergarten.
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Last Minute Work
John: You know we don't do anything until we can fire drill it at the end. That's when we do our best work!
Split Vacations
Wendy: John, why are you coming in for one day?
John: Because I'm dedicated.
George: There are other words for that.
John: Because I'm dedicated.
George: There are other words for that.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Mice in the Grill
Ashley: Jeny is definitely the toughest of the three of us.
Andrea: I didn't know that was up for debate.
Saturday, June 11, 2016
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Tenure
Joshua: John, how long have you been in propulsion?
John: Five years.
Jim: But you've worked seven.
John: Five years.
Jim: But you've worked seven.
Monday, June 6, 2016
Because "micromanagement" was already taken.
Mark: What does ETAC stand for?
Tim: Engineering... something something...
Ben: It stands for value.
Tim: Engineering... something something...
Ben: It stands for value.
Saturday, June 4, 2016
I'm getting concerned.
John: What's up with your marauding chickens? There's a gang of them over there.
Friday, June 3, 2016
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Blood would contrast well.
Tim: What's the tragedy? You look like you're going to be in a Greek play.
Jen: What? I thought I looked cute this morning.
Tim: There is no contradiction there.
Jen: Oh, then thank you. I think.
Jen: What? I thought I looked cute this morning.
Tim: There is no contradiction there.
Jen: Oh, then thank you. I think.
Monday, May 23, 2016
Saturday, May 21, 2016
Lightweight 4+
Sophie: Do I need to be here while they warm up?
Jeny: Do they need supervision?
Sophie: I don't think so. Well, mostly.
Friday, May 20, 2016
Bus Conversation
Anna: Do you know about the opium wars? That was happening in America with alcohol.
Sydney: And that's why we threw all our tea in the harbor.
Zoe: Nope. Not related.
Private School
Cori: Does Lakeside have senior pet day?
Anna: Yes. I'm bringing Jimmy and my little sister.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Clothing Options
Bill: I brought a pair of pants, a pair of shorts and two and a half pair of underwear.
Rolled Tacos
Damion: That was a good warm up for all the food I'm gonna eat at the hotel.
Jeny: What are you going to eat?
Damion: Beer.
Regionals
Damion: I hope Conal says something to me this weekend so I can tell him to go f--k himself.
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Monday, May 16, 2016
Monday, May 9, 2016
Overhead Spending
Dave: So I'm not horrible, Steve's not terrible and Jen's not included.
Steve: So what's Marty?
John: Out of control.
Steve: So what's Marty?
John: Out of control.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
PB Cups
Jen: Do you want more peanut butter cups? I brought a new batch.
Tim: Good, because we were on the edge of crisis yesterday.
Tim: Good, because we were on the edge of crisis yesterday.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Friday, April 29, 2016
Friday, April 22, 2016
Pizza
Becky: I don't even know where we're going.
Rich: Yes you do. I explained it to you.
Becky: I didn't listen.
Rich: Yes you do. I explained it to you.
Becky: I didn't listen.
Smart City
Becky: What's up with your map?
Jen: It's for school. We have to design a "smart city."
Becky: You know it's got a chicken attacking it? That is a chicken isn't it?
Jen: Well, I started with Trogdor and went south pretty quickly.
Becky: [Shakes Head].
Jen: It's for school. We have to design a "smart city."
Becky: You know it's got a chicken attacking it? That is a chicken isn't it?
Jen: Well, I started with Trogdor and went south pretty quickly.
Becky: [Shakes Head].
Monday, April 18, 2016
Thursday, April 7, 2016
You don't mix paisley with stripes.
Becky: Isn't he all important now and wearing ties that don't match his shirt?
Jen: Pat? Or Brett?
Becky: BRETT!! Pat would never do that! He's always stylish.
Jen: Pat? Or Brett?
Becky: BRETT!! Pat would never do that! He's always stylish.
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Early morning
Jeny: You need to work on your stealthiness.
Andrea: What did she just say? Something about a stealth penis?
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Friday, April 1, 2016
Wrist bands
Jeny: This is when we become blood sisters.
Haley: I've been waiting for this moment all my life.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Careful what you say in front of HR
Wendy: I can always tell you by their backsides.
James: Is there something we need to talk about?
James: Is there something we need to talk about?
Monday, March 14, 2016
Friday, March 11, 2016
Thursday, March 10, 2016
I tried to nap at lunch but it didn't work.
Steve: I haven't lost sleep over it, but that's because I found out about it today.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Monday, March 7, 2016
Three Anns. Three Dougs.
John: There's Mean Anne, Nice Ann, and Wild Ann.
Wendy: We had Good, Bad and Ugly Doug. One is my husband.
Wendy: We had Good, Bad and Ugly Doug. One is my husband.
I can't tell you much about it.
Wendy: I may need your help doing an estimate.
Toby: For... ?
Wendy: Sure.
Toby: For... ?
Wendy: Sure.
Friday, March 4, 2016
Update
Toby: We're dealing with our usual catastrophes and disasters, 75% of which aren't actually catastrophes or disasters.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Monday, February 29, 2016
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Monday, February 1, 2016
Monday, January 25, 2016
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Monday, January 11, 2016
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Monday, January 4, 2016
Meeting
Steve: Wait, we're meeting?
John: Yeah, you got out of Performance to Plan, so you have a free hour. I know you have a free hour.
John: Yeah, you got out of Performance to Plan, so you have a free hour. I know you have a free hour.
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