Love

Andrea: I like you because you wear wool on flannel.

Walker

Randy: It's Govenor Asshole in this household. 

Nightly News

Andrew: Bao Bao the panda is ok!

Hard Iced Tea

Mom: If you don't like that, I have Percocet. 

Baggage Claim

Andrew: I think the machine that tears the handles off the luggage broke so they're doing it by hand.

Phó

Andrea: Did you hear that? It was my stomach making laser sounds. 

While I haven't seen her do it...

Ewa: I know she's eating the carpet because there are holes in it and she poops carpet pieces. 

Rusty Bolt

Adam: What attitude does the bike have at rest?

Jen: Sassy!

Complete

Jeff: Does everyone know what 'conformity' means?

Morning booze consumption.

Kate: I was vertical and all my words were separated. 

Good thing it wasn't a tattoo.

Richard: This is what happens when you get your hair cut after four beers. 

Thanking the Fans

Dave: Well, you've had your fun. I gotta go. 

Trendy

Matt: That was sooo 600 emails ago.

Northwest Centric

Matt: If we sneeze, the rest of the capability gets a cold.

Playing nice.

Mark: MY BOX.  MY SAND.  MY TOYS.

Format Painter

Jim: I love that tool. Almost as good as velcro.

Bling

Chance: It's my kitten button; you wanna touch it?

Reboot

Caleb: Well, the computer gods have spoken and the meeting is adjourned. 

The Boss's Office

Trey: I'm downstairs, but I can come up.  Wait.  Am I in trouble?  If yes, I don't want to come up.

Instrumentation Racks

Tim: Furthermore, I think this door should be hinged on the right.  Or the left.

Applause

Jen: Why are we clapping?

Jay: Because I like it. They're finally getting off their asses and doing something worthwhile. 

More wine?

Barb: Can I get you anything?

Bill: I'm fine, thanks. 

Barb: Are you driving?

Bill: [looks at Mat's full wine glass] Apparently. 

Traffic

Jen: I went over to 15th, hoping for a clear shot on the viaduct, but it was a shit show all around.
Pat: It was more of a three day shit festival, not just one show.

Yeah, right.

George: [cough] Bullshit! [cough]
Pete: Yeah... I've had a cough for weeks.

Post Halloween

Jen: Miller has a literal cauldron of candy at his desk.

Agreement

Gary: It's better to confront Tim on a Monday morning before he gets too ornery. 

October 31st

Ben: I would like to formally complain that it's Halloween and you didn't bring us any candy.

Shake it!

Mary: I need a tuned mass damper for my mid-section.

Purdue

Tim: He had his bicycle stolen.  Who knew that place was so rife with lawlessness?

Common bar tables.

Adam: It's funny. There's so few people who's opinion I actually want to hear. 

OBGYNs

Toby: You sliced open a human being, pulled another one out and that's just your morning coffee?

All science points to baby.

Tim: I wasn't convinced there was baby in there until the head came out and then the rest came splattering out.

Value

Jim: Do they sell crack by the ounce?

Overhead "challenge"

Frank: During the last really bad episode of this, I used to go out for a run every time I got really wound up, but I found I just didn't have the stamina.

Schedule

Pat: Is that one day? Two days? Three days?

Curtis: Yeah. 

Wait, what are we talking about?

Adam: Oh my gosh, that's huge. 

Jeny: Well, you're awful modest. 

Long Range Business Plan

Wendell: We're doomed. 

Dating

Chance: I wanted to ask her out but I wanted to see her art first. 

Go-Do's

Matt: You assume what you want; I'm going to check the box.

Tatiana

Jen: I'm gonna recommend NOT calling her "toots" when you get the opportunity to speak.
Mark: Would that be a bad thing?
Jen: Please don't make me have another "coaching conversation."
Mark: *snicker*

Inquisitive Telecon Speaker

Jen: Who is the woman speaking?
Mark:  The One and Only Tatiana.  I don't think she has a last name.  Kind of like Mr. T.
Jen: Oh. Her.
Mark: I pity the fool who draws her attention.

Note sheet

Barb: Hey, that's a neat little note sheet there.  Where'd you get that?  Did you make it?  It could be a really useful tool!
Eric: It's mine.

Bearded MTB Gang

MTB Dude: Hey, it's another lady. Hey have you been here before?

Jen: This is my first time to the summit today. 

MTB Dude: So we haven't met you yet?

Jen: No, I think I would have remembered. 

Meeting Invites

Kate: I don't want to be special. 

Cheese + Shellfish

Adam: This is risotto. It gets Parmesan. F--k off. 

Race Prep

Ed: Lisa, leave your pants on!

Lisa: I've never had a guy tell me that. 

Here's the Line.

Nicole: He could be small, he could be crooked -- fine. But a Republican? No!

Friend Meeting

Dana: I'm nice! And I have a puppy!

Camping

Adam: It would be easier to level the car with a beer. 

Silver Star

Darren: The truck was in a gear I didn't even know it had. I was waiting for some gage to just pop off and springs to come flying out the engine.

Test Fixtures

Toby: I recommend taking not fighting gravity into that discussion.

With regards to French wine...

Grayson: Let's funnel these bitches!

Sushi

Christie: It wasn't getting any younger and neither was I so I figured we were made for each other. 

Man up, Chad.

Grayson: Unless a zombie hit you across the head with your truck bumper during a bar fight, you have no excuse for not being there.

Americans

Mark: You look French.
Curtis: I do?!?
Tim: But the French are less chubby.

I maintain my position.

Suzanne: Boys are dumb.  Still.  I think I've been saying that since I was five.

Pocket Knife

Adam: Why is there blood on this? Oh wait,  it's wine.

Unfortunate window covering gap.

Andrew: Seriously -- the moon is right in my face. How many thousands of miles away is that motherf---er?

Route Home

Dad: What's the route between Nashville and Dallas?

Andrew: Straight. 

Movie

Jennifer: What movie is this?

Andrew: Bruce Willis Kicks Ass. Not sure if it's #1 or #10.

No helmet laws.

Andrew: Consider it assisted suicide. It's a Libertarian thing. 

Bourbon Tasting

Dad: Ice cubes equal safety. 

We all do.

Rich: Why do I have to work with idiots?

The Intern

Becky: That's older than me!

Mark: MOST things are older than you. 

ZooTunes

Dana: There are a lot of children in this city. And they are all here tonight. 

ETA

Trey: As early as we get over there is the earliest we can be there.

Straight Forward

Jen: I'm working on my honesty and upfrontedness.
Rich: Don't take that too far.

Lifestyle

Chance: I am in the first generation of immortals. 

Making Perfume

Christie: Summer started with Rosemary and lemon. Then Naomi added her feet. 

Fall Protection

Pat: I must be more disposable that I thought.

Analogy

Bernie: Too bad Boeing is crashing as fast as a Malaysian 777.

Management Meetings

Steve: How's that for a coaching moment? Get over it!

Zero

Frank: Don has been about that much help.

Meeting Thursday

Mark: I'm so exhausted from adding value.

Longevity

Regan: I don't want to live to be a hundred if I can't wipe my own ass. 

Portage Bay Cafe

Gretchen: I'm definitely slowing down. That's ok. I'll take a breather and have some bacon. 

Drunk STP'er

Drunk Dude: can you believe they just left me here?

Jen: Noooooo. 

DD: Can I call you Frank?

Jen: Sure. 

DD: What's your real name? I'm sorry I'm so drunk. 

Jen: Ellen. 

DD: Hi Ellen. And who are you?

Gretchen. I'm Ann. 

Wide knees

Gretchen: I've seen a lot of men riding like that. Must be a ball thing. 

Jeny needs to focus on worrying!

Andre: Wait -- I don't understand how we went from breakfast to underpants. 

Riding Troubles

Pat: Yeah, it was a bad week for flats. 

Becky: Or someone was strategically placing tacks exactly where you were riding. Sounds like something an intern would do. 

Oyster Sauce

Trey: I call it ice sauce. 

Pat: Minionette!!

Jen: Like Becky!

Been doing it for years!

Frank: I can BS my way through most of this place. 

4th of July Safety Lessons

Leave ALL fireworks to the professionals

·         Even the smallest fireworks are dangerous

·         Children should listen to their parents

·         Just because someone says they’re a medic, doesn’t mean they are a good medic

·         I was a lucky kid because the outcome could have been much worse

·         Everything can go very wrong in a heartbeat

Senses

Curtis: Hey!  I thought I smelled you!
Kelvin: What!  Hey Jen, do I smell?

Ours is dark too.

Merrill: I personally disagree with holding a wedding near a holiday called Independence Day, but my humor is dark.

ATV For Sale

Mark: You broken any bones lately?  Looks like it might help!!

Strava DFL

Chance: That's what happens when you spend most of the time laying on the ground moaning. 

Justification

Andrea: I call it a "palette cleanser" so that I can eat dessert ALL THE TIME.

Shipping Process

Mark: We have entered the Eighth Circle of Chicken Shit. 

Four hour ceremony.

Cusak: That sounds like a simple recipe for a riot. 

I've fallen in this trap before.

Pat: Tim, did you check to see that those sunglasses said "men's" on them?

Riding to San Diego.

Jennifer: It only makes me mildly nervous that you guys are buying bikes and immediately riding them 2000 miles.
Andrew: Only 1800.
Jennifer: Oh.  I feel much better now, thanks.

Bike riding in the hallways

Joe: Aren't you a manager? Shouldn't you be setting a better example?

Jen: Yes and nope!!

MPE Rules

Jen: It's like -- I'm not going to stop you from jumping off the bridge, but I am going to tell you about gravity.

Sugar High at Mile 45

Ehrin: That entire bottle of Gatorade is either in my stomach or being carried on my bike.

Lift

Chance: It seems that people at Boeing would be interested. But some people... aren't. 

Zana & Jeny

Chance: You two make me crazy. 

Plug in cooler.

Rich: There was an incident with the cooler and 12 pounds of pork chops. 

Clarity

Mark: Where's Rich?  Oh yeah, in class! 
Jen: Glad I could help.
Mark: Looking at you made it all clear.
Jen: Not enough men tell me that, Mark.

Brewers Fans

Mom: The September 13 Brewers game is all sold out. It is Hank the Dog Bobble Head Day.

Polo Shirts & Khakis

Jen: My intern and I are dressed exactly alike today.
Fred: Oh no!  Purdue Mafia!

Whitefish Trails

Jeny: Did you see my bike go sideways back there?

Zana: Did you see me take this baby off road as to not run over you?

Mr. Park Ranger, when do you let the animals in?

Pete: Well around 7:00, we let a few hundred thousand border collies loose in the park. They start with the grizzly bears and then move on to the wolverines. Some don't come back. Every Monday we have to restock a few dozen collies. 

And then George proceeded to save the cat.

Pete: The cat is stuck in the tree. 

Zana: Which tree?

Elma: You know who's really good at climbing trees? George!!

I've been designing them all day.

Elma: I f-ing hate trees.

Snot rockets.

Zana: I don't know how you even have friends. 

I assigned it to Steve.

Frank: You can blame me and tell them I'm on vacation.

Staff

John: They didn't seem to grasp what we do. At all.

Outdoor Fluids Conference

Toby: Yeah, if we're meeting at the park, I'll bring my kid.  He's seen me drink plenty of times.  Every day -- just to deal with him!

A second cup of tea.

Pat: It's another great day for The Boeing Company.  I'm walking around adding value.

The first penguin.

Tim:  Any whales out there?  Hey Fred, go check it out.  Whelp, yes, I guess there are whales.  Sorry Fred.

Sunshine Bug

Steve: Enjoy the dentist - don't get sunburned!

Hearing Test Results

Rich: They done test our hearing.
Trey: We hear good.

Start Platform

Tiffany: You think it's ok to tie the launch here? How sturdy is it?

Jeny: Tom is sitting on it; should be fine. 

Ref Meeting

Tom: Refs! We're meeting over here!

Letcher: I quit. 

Regatta Roles

Tom: The deputy badge says "idiot."

Buckets of Booze

Patty: You know the Tiff Wood Rule? They have one for Mariah too. 

We call that the "Armageggon Now" Marina

John: That's when management forbid us from talking to the media. 

Leadership

Kate: I hear the last fluids conference was well attended. I'm sorry I missed it! It was scheduled 3 to 5 and people were there until after 10.
Jen: I have no idea who that would have been.

Commitment Level Estimate

Toby: I only bring this up because it will punish us for the next seven years.

The Floggins Continue

Pete:  Are you looking for hope?  There isn't any.

Frosting Opinion

Marty: We probably can’t go too wrong with OSU colors.  I will say that orange and black are not my favorite colors for cake, as black does not taste very good and orange just doesn’t look appetizing.  Black cake frosting consists of way too much food coloring and that ruins the flavor.

Uni

Jen: When it's good, it's reeeeeealy good. But when it's bad, it's really awful. 

Pat: So, it's like the opposite of sex. 

It took 13 to get here this morning.

Zana: Beer -- a standard unit of measure.

Girls Sticking Together

Kate: I have a conflict tomorrow and can't facilitate the meeting.  Anyone want to volunteer?
Dave: I have a conflict too.
Pete: Me too.
Jen: Kate, you need not ask these boys for help.  I've got you covered.
Kate: Glad *someone* does.
Steve: Jen, good observation skills on identifying who the slackers are.

Battery Charging

Adam: Do you have a meter?

Jen: I work in a lab. 

Adam: Right. 

Stabbing myself in the eye...

Mark: You'd have to put your forks in a speed loader.

Lab Rat

Mark: Did the rat have a badge?  How'd he get in?

Yoga Teachers

Anna: Find your calling, because this isn't it.

Unintentional EVM Consequence

Ben: I've been f-ing John since I started.

I'm in to carrots.

Trey: Miller, when can you start being my life coach?

OA Support

Jen:  Your head might explode before she drops dead from a heart attack.
Tim:  That would mean she won.

Origami

Curtis: Can you make an elephant?  I just made a giraffe.  Turns out a giraffe fits inside the camera case.

Instructions

Pete: You guys are obviously not following directions. 

New Safety Standards

Steve: I'm going to walk around with my eyes closed so I don't have to enforce anything. 

Hard Run

Pat: I think I strained a fat muscle.

Superman Pajama Pants

Peggy: She knows how cool I am. 

Too soon?

Adam: Why don't you make like a 777 and get lost?

Helmet stash in the car.

Adam: If a helmet isn't recommended, then it's probably not worth doing. 

Proper grammar.

Adam: I have to pee myself. 

Dog Ownership

Jo: We used to have Goldens. We used to be normal. 

Whitefish Reputation

Zana: If you EVER refer to me as "lovely" walk me out to the back 40 and put knot in my head.

Who's responsible for this power outage?

Chance: My money’s on an angry bear.  I’d be angry too if someone pepper-sprayed my face when all I wanted was a hug.

Safety Glasses Required

Dave: You need to watch out for all those binary bits flying around. They'll get you in the eye!

Support in France

Toby: Oh, I'm not going to work.  I'll just be there to fan the mosquitoes off of you.

Monday Night

Zana: A full bottle of wine is my single serving. 

Comparison

Farmer: David Lee Roth is so much sexier than Katy Perry. 

A boot of beer.

Mandy: I'll going to not get shit-faced by sharing!! That could fail in a hurry...

Driving to Regionals, circa 2008

Bill: My legs hurt.
Matt: Your EGGS hurt?
Bill: Yes.  My eggs hurt, and my fallopian tubes are f-ing killing me.

Welcome to Management

Jen: When do I get my new kool-aid cup?
Melvin:  It's in the mail.  You get free kool-aid all day long!

Steel Toes

Rich:  Can I have permission to go get my own shoes so that I don't have to use the gross old loaner pair of shoes anymore?

Adam's Superpower

Adam: You know what I am? An entropy amplifier. In my presence, entropy accelerates. 

See you in Hell, in half an hour.

Super Pete: Man, I need a hot dog -- or SOMETHING!

Sick Day

Mark:  Bronchitis is only for those who can hack it.

Defined Contribution

Pete: Did anyone know it's Employee Appreciation Day?  80% of my folks are out sick.

Marty:  A number of my employees started getting sick yesterday after hearing the pension news.

Hard Questions

Mark: Got any other questions you don’t want answered? We’re having a flash sale on clueless.

Now I have a craving for falafel.

Jim: What's PITA?
Jen: Pain in the ass.

Not in the Budget

Jim: The disadvantage of doing business is that it costs money. 

Cloning

Gary: We'll just swab his cheek, put it in a test tube with some Miracle Gro, put it in the window - We'll have another Pat by the end of the week!

Skate Ski Ego Boost

Random Skier: You make it look easy!
Jeny: You didn't see me fall on my face a few miles back.
Random Skier: Don't burst my bubble.
Jeny: Ok, then you're right - I'm amazing.

Cards against Jessica

Jessica: Apparently I am losing. 

Couch Nap

Ewa: You missed a lot when you were sleeping. We're ordering crêpes and I'm friends with the cat. 

Bacon Ride

Ewa: You could put bacon on an old boot and it would be good. 

Whitefish

Chance: Oh, it's only minus 20. 

Ski Stickers

Chance: I used to have a stripper. 

Minions

Jen: You are all legal adults. You can vote...

Chance: You can drink and legally carry firearms. I'm going to trust you with this spreadsheet.

Knots

Angela: This is when I start cursing... I need more coffee. 

Evolution

Laura: God said we evolved from mudskippers. 

Glass Ceiling

Pat:  Your paper towel dispenser doesn't put out as much as mine does.  More like 77%.

Adam's iPhone

Dana: Pull up the Olympic sweater, please!

Jon Stewart

Jeny: He brings the New York Times to life for me. 

Management Perks

Jen: I have three hours of staff meetings today. And not the good kind -- not strep throat. 

Feet shot

Adam: I'm officially sick; I'm wearing slippers. 

Late to the Meeting

John: Sorry I'm late.  Did you solve all the world's problems already?
Pete:  Yeah, John you have all the action items.

Bike ride #4

Pat: I wish my seat were made of jello. Or my butt was made of diamonds. 

They both breathe oxygen.

Mark: Pax is just like Kona!

You can get rid of your real friends anytime.

Tim:  Sorry to have to break it to you.  But better me than your real friends.

Grand Ridge

Adam: I was going to lecture you on that later. Now it's later. 

Hey!

Pat:  Hey Tim... T-Dog... Killer T!

Calendar

Jen:  What day is June 30?
Pat:  I guess Wednesday.
Rich:  Monday.
Pat:  Shit.

Al Gore

Jen: Didn't he invent the internet?
Pat: He did.  I was there.

Lists

Jessica: It's all on the sharepoint. There's no hiding now. 

Twitter

Adam: Where else can you tie in British history, Star Wars and medicine?

Back to GVT'ing...

Jen:  Where's Miller?
Rich:  Getting us more beer.