Thursday, September 14, 2017

Executive Work Week

Tim: At least it's Friday.
Steve: Yeah, only two more days until the weekend.

Supplying cupcakes

Greg: If we eat like this all the time, you're going to be in trouble.  And I'm going to be fat.

Monday, July 17, 2017

Seattle Walkabout

Nickie: When do you think that house was built?
Jeny: You can't afford it.

I'll tell you what I'm thinking.

Kate: George - what do you think?
George: GNASHING OF TEETH.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Home Repairs

Andrea: I am Bob Goddamn Villa.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Eligible Bachelor

John: I come with a dowry.

John & George go row.

John: We haven't annoyed anyone in at least an hour; that's pretty good for us!

Small cars merging with the trailer.

Grant: He would become a speed bump we wouldn't feel.

Getting Angry with Google Maps

Grant: Are all these people driving Amish???

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Business Opportunity

Chance: I just need to find someone in California with a nut farm and a pig problem.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Memorial Day Weather

Wendy: It's going to be a dry weekend.
Mike: Nope. I'm going to have some drinks.

Amazon Job

George: Where's the "apply now" button?

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Wardrobe

Nickie: I wear comfy pants every day!

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Schedule Collision

Jeff: It's all coming in next week, which could be a problem.  Guess it's time to go on vacation.

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Opera After Party

Andrew: Reasons why that was stressful -- 1) Dad got drunk on accident, and 2) he dropped a piece of chicken at the buffet line and thought the conductor saw him do it.

Selfies

Steph: Stop going lower.
Marcy: That's what she said.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Race Taper

George: I'm going to cancel my Friday afternoon law mow.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

That's walking, not jogging.

Haley: Varsity girls, you're going for two more minutes. Novice girls, you're going for infinity, so pace yourselves.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Webex Flow Down

Rich: This is making me gag.  Go unplug Joe's PC.

Monday, May 1, 2017

Evening Activities at Brentwood

Margot: Let's do some pilates!
Chelsea: Oh my god. Stop it.

Brentwood 2017

Margot: Ahhhhh... Nobody makes me laugh harder than me.

Sunscreen Slogan

Damion: Banana Boat - Give the sun a big F--k You.

Customs Form

Zoe: Did you lie about your nuts?

Puke

Margot: It's my ONE flaw.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Email Bombs

Ben: I love stirring shit up early in the week.  Then we can see people sweat and scream before everybody forgets all about it over the weekend.

Andrea's Pep Talk

Margot: I want to hear this.
Jeny: You wanna finally learn how to coach?
Margot: YES!!

Bruce visits the lab.

Greg: Hey Bruce, if you go away, we'll wash your plate for you.

Monday, April 24, 2017

About that time...

Jen: What was I trying to do here...?
Ben: Go home.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Career Move

Ryan: Well, one career limiting move is to turn your phone off for the week because you're sick of their shit.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Dave picks a shirt.

James: That's too small for you, Dahhling.

What are you doing?

Margot: I'm simmering in my bitterness.

It's when we knew we were going to win.

Dave: That first stroke was like liquid butter sex.

Monday, April 17, 2017

In-Class Activities

Joe: The pain means you're learning.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Pre-Row Snacks

Dave: I'm going to eat a cupcake too. Because I love my body.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Consensus

Kaleigh: Good thing we only need 1/3 majority.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Trailer Load

Bill: I won't judge your art.  I will just appreciate it.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Frederic

Renee: Why doesn't he have any hair?

How are you?

Jeny: If you ask me how I am today, I won't say "shitty."
Margot: Did you kill someone?

I just burped and thought of something!

Margot: Guys -- roasted butternut squash and coffee scones.  I'll call them "Belchies."

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Favorite Cookies

Rob: Boxes of thin mints keep showing up in the freezer.  I give Janelle a stern look and then open them.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

NCAA tournament.

Nickie: I realized now, why drinking is bad.

Friday, March 31, 2017

Final letters are important.

Jeny: I lost my crocs.
Steph: I thought you were going to say you lost your crotch.  I was worried.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Joking Hazard

Zana: I see your sadness and depression and raise you one rockin' pair of tits.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Engineer Shaming

Rob: I wait until my credit card status changes to "orange" and then I start my expense report.

Inappropriate Footwear

Jeny: Don't be fooled.  These may look like cute, black ballet flats, but they're actually sponges.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Jim's Lab

Chris: He's got a direct line to Grand Coulee Dam under there for power.

Friday, March 3, 2017

Better than Bernie.

Steve: I am so tech-savvy.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Server Owners

Steve: You need to have lots of back ups. Be prepared for quick departures.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Wine at lunch

Jen: I'm ready for my nap.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Are those fashion glasses?

Jeny: My old glasses stopped working.
John: Did the batteries run out?

Monday, February 20, 2017

Life Goals

Niki: You gotta visualize that shit, bitch.

Friday, February 17, 2017

Launch Driving Order of Operations

Bill: First thing you do is get in the launch, then kick the gas can and make sure it's about the weight of a Pomeranian. If it is, you put her in reverse, send your crews off and go!

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Wound Up

Zana: Double martini -- pounded. That should calm me for the Native Plant talk I'm going to.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Wheep!

Dave: My throat is so covered in grease that I feel like I could eat a whole fish like a dolphin.

Easy Row

Dave: A battle with the elements is not what I was looking for this morning.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Pop Culture

Jon: Have you seen Mean Girls?
Tamaira: Uh, no.
Jon: You didn't miss anything.
Tamaira: I didn't think so.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Dear Universe

Nickie: I would really appreciate if it were Friday instead of Tuesday.

Black Ice

Katja: We put people on the moon, I don't know why we can't keep the parking lot clear.

Monday, February 6, 2017

Head Cold

Jeny: It's still in the scratchy, sore throat phase.
Nickie: DO. NOT. COME. NEAR. ME.

Vendor Party

Joe: Nobody out-awkwards me.

Friday, February 3, 2017

Online Profile

Brad: I hate when they don't have a profile picture. That's how I know whether or not I'm going to talk to them. If they don't look friendly, I'm moving on.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

New Software

Jen: What have I been exposed to?
Melody: BLIS.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

I'll put pants on before I answer the door.

Rich: I work better when I'm uninhibited.

Field Trip

Joe: Are you navigating manually?
Other Joe: Yeah.
Joe: You just don't see that anymore.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

What's in Altoids?

Joe: Sorbital for some reason screws up my system. Nothing else does.
Rich: Not meth, not cocaine...

Ready to leave

Rich: I want to see some Joe on Joe action.
Joe: Jen, call us an Uber.
Rich: Joe, you don't CALL and uber. You order one.
Joe: Clearly you're too old for this.

My favorite animal.

Rich: Women love me; I'm a manatee.

Special Skills

Joe: Trey is the Rain Man of BEMS IDs.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Joe leads the way.

Rich: We don't need your alternate directions.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Relocation

Dave: Jen, they're trying to run me off.  And so far it's working.  Soon, they're going to say, "Houston, you have a problem: Dave's coming home."

Monday, January 23, 2017

New 2x

Steph: WTF. This toe steering is ruining my life.

Prism Status

Ben: We haven't had a dumpster fire in at least two weeks, so we're due.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Compensation

Terry: People are coin operated.

The Oops Child

Pat: We weren't supposed to get pregnant while I was on radiation.  Just think how intense Summer would be if I had been at full strength.  The world owes me a thank you.

Whiskey Level Up

Mark: I just recently had bourbon for the first time.  I like it!

Sunday, January 8, 2017

New Year's Wish

Nickie: I'm going to go to bed and hope I wake up skinny.

Burnt Mac & Cheese

Nickie: Now I'm totally focused on folding my clothes. THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL.