Sunday, December 29, 2013


Adam: There are only three bowls: the Rose Bowl, the Orange Bowl and the... Rose Bowl!

Friday, December 27, 2013

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Mom: I know these songs better than you because I was in elementary school for many years. You were only there for the requisite five. 

Heavy Sigh

Becky: How was Christmas with your grandkids?
Lori: I don't like teenagers. 

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Andrew, Technology Genius

Andrew: How do I get the sound to work on this? Oh right - turn up the volume. 

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

One pair of shoes.

Andrew: I should have brought my cowboy boots for sledding. 

Monday, December 23, 2013

Leopard Socks

Regan: No one has ever said, "pour some cement on you."
Jen: Significantly different than "pour some sugar on me."

Adam's Opinions

Regan: Oh I forgot -- you're on the f'ed up side of the couch. 

Dogs are the shit.

Regan: You just stuck your feet in my face. I'm not rubbing your belly. 


Adam: What just happened?
Martina: Regan just got a dinglehopper. 

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Food Safety for the Holidays

Kelli:  The holidays bring on the most incidents of food poisoning, and they can't all be attributed to my mother.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Cheese is not linear.

Don: Takes me back to sophomore engineering: you have a linear, homogenous, weightless structure. 

Tuesday, December 17, 2013


Jen: Who wants to help me break some rules?
Mark/Tom/Tim: I do!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Dave the Muppet

Dave: You know what I just discovered? YouTube!


Pat: I'm a one trick pony and it's calculus. 

Saturday, December 7, 2013

After Dinner

Regan: Can we take these cookies and go upstairs?

The Flaming Nard in the Sky

Regan: I found my legs in the plumbing department. 

Traffic Pattern

Adam: It's difficult to get across Green Lake. 
Regan: Unless you had a hovercraft. 

The 'Burb

Emily: This baby corners like she's on rails. 
Mike: I've drifted it before!

Why would you hide?

Mike: If I were Bigfoot, I'd be like "look at me, I'm f-ing Bigfoot!"

Friday, December 6, 2013

Mike's Kitchen

Adam: It's ok. We have coriander. Let the zombies come. 

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Driving with Arthur

Steven: Don't go, it's not green. 

Tele Skiing

Mark: You were really good at it. Until you went into the fence. 
Adam: Didn't I break the fence?

Friday, November 29, 2013


Josh: She couldn't have done better. Well - she could. She could have married me. 


Seth: This isn't going anywhere and I don't see it going anywhere. 

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Spice Cabinet

Arthur: Honey, is this oregano or is it pot?

Landing at JFK

Pilot: ...The temperature is still above freezing which is, um, good for us. 

Thanksgiving morning.

Jo: I know you think all I've been doing all morning is drinking and cooking but no!!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

I haven't driven in months.

Josh. I'm on the lawn. 

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Free Windows 8.1 Upgrade

Seth: It's like - hey! Do you like AIDS? We have herpes for free!

Monday, November 25, 2013

Customer Service

Toby: There's stuff I said I wouldn't do on Friday, and when people tell me today that I said that, I say, I don't even remember saying that.  Hey - I had a whole weekend to forget that with alcohol; it's Monday and I'm here to help you again.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

I stole this from the showroom.

Regan: This tank top didn't belong on the rack -- it belongs on MY rack!!

Friday, November 22, 2013

At Home

Jen: Oh no! The finger puppet fell into the bacon grease!
Chance: I saw that and assumed there had been a terrible accident so I didn't inquire any further. 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Bar Time

Joe: What time is it?
Jen: Time for me to go to bed.
Joe:  Ten o'clock!  Holy shit, I have to go home and watch Golden Girls!


Andy: Well, I'll bet there weren't any awkward silences!

Workshop Integration

Tim: So what are we going to do when we go downstairs?
Keith: Eat cookies. 

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


Darvin: Was that final play pass interference or was it not?
Most Everybody: Pass interference!
Tim: It was a hug. 

Monday, November 18, 2013


Dennis: Thanks for being here - as if you had a choice. 

Monday, November 11, 2013

Final GVT Question

Jen: Why did it trip on shaker 6?
John: Because there's an amoeba. 

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Wedding Roles

Adam: If I were a ring bear, I would just hibernate. 

Saturday, November 9, 2013

A Walk in the Woods

Adam: I don't understand why people bring a sidearm hiking. What are they defending themselves from?
Jen: Go-pheirs. 

More Physics

Adam: Where are my booties?
Jen: Look on the floor; that's where gravity puts stuff. 

Thursday, November 7, 2013


Tim:  One guy's panic is another guy's dirty o-ring.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Dr. Lim

Jen: He endorses Nutella!!
Adam: Who wouldn't?


Tim: So this breathes new life into them staying in their old ways?

Thursday, October 31, 2013


Adam: The Element is the perfect "oh, there's something to pick up on the curb!" vehicle. 

Tuesday, October 29, 2013


Tim: Best next thing to Nepalm.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Tuna Head

Jen: Hey, come here.  Gaia's head smells like tuna.
Adam: Ok.  The dog rolls around in the grass -- that's been peed on by hobos -- and you tell me her head smells fishy, and that I should come get up close and personal with it.  I don't think so.


Tim: These are things you can only do in a country without lawyers!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

A previous GVT.

Mark:  These people couldn't run a pie eating contest, let alone a GVT.
Jen: Maybe we should have a pie eating contest instead.
Joe: What kind of pie?

Vet Assistant

Mark:  In high school, I picked the fur off kitties' balls before surgery.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013


Yenew: Why did we start with test point 100?  Why couldn't we have started somewhere else??  WHY???

Instrumentation Issues

Mark:  I'm not quite to the point where I'll promise to start going to church.  It ain't that bad.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

The Cure

Adam: Oh, you had THAT kind of night.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Sleeping Puppy

Jen: She is PTFO'd.
Adam: She had a trying day. 

Finance Focal

Pete: Alan and I are BFF. 

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Second Shift

Pat: So what exictiting things have happened here?
Mark: You're looking at it.
Jen: The door opened earlier.  That was kind of exciting.

Monday, October 14, 2013


Pat: Everyone knows the facts have a liberal bias.

Sunday, October 13, 2013


Adam: Gaia, you're licking the concrete, that's weird.
Gaia: Whatever. You guys have motorcycles in the living room. THAT'S weird. 


Adam: You can have the last egg. 
Jen: You do love me!
Adam: By love, you mean tolerate, right? That's a kind of love, I'm pretty sure. Jesus said so. 

Friday, October 11, 2013

Dirty Jokes

Chance: I have a finely tuned, highly cultivated inner 13 year old. Nothing gets by - NOTHING!

Monday, October 7, 2013

Workout Regimen

Jo: I don't know what you're doing at the gym - you must be handing out towels cuz you're not doing anything else. 

Saturday, October 5, 2013

2013 Volcano Run

Wayne: It went from deluge to holy f-in shit!

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Fancy Dinner

Adam: That's how math works -- it adds up fast. 

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Texas Education System

Richard: I can tell Adam has not yet been saved. 

Dylan Visits

Adam: Parenting is exhausting. 

Thursday, September 26, 2013


Marty: Yesterday we had an un commanded smoke release from a resistor that shouldn't have released smoke. 

Transition to Management

Steve: Can you cover for me next week as I travel to St. Louis with my Go4Zero helmet on?

Tuesday, September 24, 2013


Pauline: Some people's purpose in life is to serve as a bad example. 

Sudafed & Caffiene

Patrick: School is back in session so my little vectors brought me a cold. 

Thursday, September 19, 2013


Chance: When I was rowing I could do 8 pull ups. And then I would stop, because it would get hard. And it preserved the idea that I could do infinite pull ups. 

Stale Data

Pat: Did someone forget to pay the telemetry bill this month?

Phil: It's kind of like being stuck in a room with a pole dancer with the lights turned off. 

Wednesday, September 18, 2013


Andrew: Did you guys snag that bottle of cider that I stole?
Jennifer: Hell yeah we did.  Right out of the fridge after you ABANDONED it.
Andrew: Nooooo!!  that's the same thing as leaving a baby on top of a moving car!  Thank you for rescuing it.
Jennifer:  Lucky for you Adam and I are responsible adults.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Lane Shift

Jen: Slow down? Whatever. I could take that at speed. 
Adam: I would agree with you, but then we'd both be upside down. 

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Bride's Helper

Jen: Is that the wedding planner?
Mike: Yeah. She's an idiot. 

Friday, September 13, 2013

Mother of the Bride

Mike: So, will we see you tomorrow?


Jen: These are a medium. They're too big. 
Adam: Are they women's? Darn, thought I could take them. 
Jen: If you grow some hips. 
Adam: What do you call these moneymakers?


Karen: I don't know where to go to be invisible. 

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Bike Maintenace

Jeny: Your job was to put on a water bottle cage. Why is the rear wheel off?
Adam: There's an explanation for that...

Sunday, September 1, 2013

I need the eggs!!

Adam: You're sitting on the cooler. 
Jen: You're a master of the obvious. 


Adam: Have you honed in on anything on the map? NF-Counting Sheep Road?

Saturday, August 31, 2013


Jen: Why do I know Pendleton?
Adam: They have a big rodeo. 
Jen: Whiskey! That's why I know them. 

Monday, August 26, 2013

You should....

Josh: Don't you "should" me. You can gently recommend, but don't "should" me!!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Still Cable Rolling

Curtis: This was all under control until Tim woke up this morning.

Cable Rolling

Tim: Were you ever a roadie in a rock band?
Curtis:  IT HAS MEMORY!!

Sunday, August 18, 2013

FSR 7174

Lost Hiker: I would so buy your bike right now. 
Jeny: Dude, I would trade you straight up for those poles and your shoes. 

Friday, August 16, 2013

I do not approve.

Dana: I don't know this song. 
Jeny/Erin/Steph/Martina:  IT'S RAINING MEN!! Hallelujah!

All Managers Meeting

Steve:  Hey Marty, type up a question for me.  Ask how we get some of the kool-aid out of the green vile.


Tim:  That would be win-win.  Too bad you don't have the power to make it happen.
Jen:  I could pretend though.
Tim:  Pretend manager, pretend results!  Hey, perfect!

Popular Books

Curtis:  How many shades of grey are there?  Have you read that one yet, Tim?

Thursday, August 15, 2013


Pete: I heard that St. Louis has implemented the plan.
John:  Well -- implemented -- that's a funny word.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013


Motorcycle Tim: I would seriously question the sanity of anyone that wanted to marry me.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


Pat: You can breathe in the hangar and excite first wing bending. 

Monday, August 12, 2013

Brunch Buffet

Old Guy in Salad Bar Line: What is this?  I don't want salad.  I want breakfast.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013


Jen: Hey Guy, how's the split pea soup today?
Guy:  Better than those burnt burgers you were cooking up last week.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Go 4 Some

Becky: They dropped a bit of plastic way down in there and just left it.
Mark: Ha!  Go 4 Zero!
Jen: This wasn't our guys.
Jason: Yeah, they Go 4 A Handful.

Meeting with Executives

Jen: I'm on vacation that week, so I can't hold the barf bag for you.
Steve: That's ok.  I'll do it on the table for effect.


Jen: The spreadsheet of DOOM.
Pat: No, whatever the opposite of doom is.
Jen: MOOD.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Go 4 Zero

John: We have a great safety record on this floor!
Mark: Oh yeah!
Jason: Didn't you sit on a tack one time?
Mark: Oh. Yeah..

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Language Barrier

Pat: I just speak a different dialect.  It's called educated.

Saturday, July 27, 2013


Zana: I'm a passenger. Of course I'm drinking a beer. 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I'll call myself an athlete, but that's a stretch.

Adam: I just figured out the difference between climbing and cycling parties. At climbing parties we do pull ups. At cycling parties we weigh ourselves. 

Tuesday, July 23, 2013


Adam: Have you ever stood on a low step stool and said, wow -- the world looks so different from here!

Monday, July 22, 2013

Adult Pool Parties

Mikey:  It was amazing.  People were jumping naked from the Ethel Merman clamshell into the pool.  I had to apologize to Thor, the building manager.  He said, Michael -- that was the most fun that pool has seen in a DECADE.  You EARNED that citation!

Friday, July 19, 2013


Mark: Anyone who can maintain a cheerful demeanor while riding in this clown car is indeed awesome.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Picnic eats

Jen: I need some alcohol to soak up this food!

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Percentage Complete

Adam:  How many do you have left?
Jen: Two-thirds.
Adam: Out of how many?
Jen:  Three-thirds.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Alter of Whiskey

Laura: Best to come at the altar sideways-- head on, the altar usually wins.

Friday, July 5, 2013


Chance: Who gives a f--- about a billionth of a cent?


Jen: Those dogs are all butts. 

Monday, July 1, 2013

Joel & Joe

Joel: If there was a Miss America of Assholes, you'd be the first runner-up. 

Motorcycle Gang Names

Chance: I vote for "Lost Boys" because then you get to wear onesies with ears & paws. 

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Motorcycle Class

Chuck:  I can do two U-turns in this box on any of your bikes!  I can do it on my big bike!  Hell, I can do it in my PORSCHE!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

New Job

Katie: If you look it up in the dictionary, I believe you will find "deflector of bullshit" as a synonym for manager. 

Sunday, June 23, 2013


Joe: The reason people love the Pacific Northwest is because it's like Czechlosovakia. 

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Post Crash

Jen: I don't think I hit the deck that hard. I don't know why I hurt so much. And don't tell me I'm old. 
Adam: Sounds like you need a dose of Toughen The F--- Up. 
Jen: Do you SEE me rockin the pink pajama pants? I don't need to toughen the f--- anything.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Dog vs Mountain Bike

Hiker: Curry, stop that! Her back wheel is not made of steak!

Friday, June 7, 2013


Pat: Be good at your job, or you'll be turned into tacos.

Tiger Summit Climb

Adam: The flat bit was nice.


Pat: Jen and Adam rode Friday, Saturday AND Sunday last week.  I'm jealous.
Christie:  Yeah, well in 10 years Lilly will be fast on the bike and Jen will be OLD.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Ladder Climbing

Jen: The make up was part of The 2013 Campaign to Care About my Appearance. 
Adam: Oh yeah? How'd that go for you?
Jen: I got a f---ing promotion. 

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Flow Down

Dave: It's just about putting the decision at the lowest possible level. 
Pete: You can't get any lower than us!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Conversations with Customers

Don:  Successfully got rid of most of the channels and ALL of the expectations.  Check!

Monday, May 27, 2013


Adam: I'm totally comfortable with the risks of climbing, but then you think about the things you're new to...
[Pan crashes to the floor.]
... Like gravity. 

Tuesday, May 21, 2013


Jen:  He made some reference about falling on my sword that I didn't understand.
Jim:  Well, sometimes you can fall on your sword without knowing it.
Joel:  Yeah, and you could fall on it backwards -- with someone holding it behind you.

Alternate Methods

Chris:  Jen is like the rat that chews through the maze.
Jen:  Aw, Chris -- that's so sweet!

Friday, May 17, 2013


Joel:  I hate GE.  I'm never flying anything with their engines.  And I'm never buying another light bulb.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013


Adam: I'm a middle aged, middle class white man. Take your aggression out on THIS.

Mystery Button

Adam: Ok, so the button is officially not your ejector seat.

Saturday, May 11, 2013


Mike: Seriously, the car sight seeing in this town is off the hook.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Head Shot

Adam:  You look like you just switched the non-dairy creamer at the coffee station with laxative... kinda guilty, kinda nervous.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013


Perry: What's a three person boat?
Trent: A boat with three people.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Social Networking

Ben: Jeny tagged me in a post on Facebook!
Matt: Jeny tagged your face with a post???

Friday, April 19, 2013

Lateral Stabilizers

Bridget: Up with this shit we will not put!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Learning Zone

Tim: I think Pete should work on being an introvert.

Safety Culture

Tracy: Even Disneyland has problems.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013


Kelli: I'm in the angry box.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Harbor Freight Tools

Adam: Be careful when you go in there. We don't need a MIG welder.
Jeny: Whatever. Who the f--k put you in charge?

Friday, April 12, 2013

Time to Retire

Kelvin:  His eye sight is going.  He can't see banana peels.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Time Not Wasted

Jim: I'm revalidating my passions!!


Chris: I'm reluctant to use that word because it usually means "doing something stupid."

Tuesday, April 9, 2013


Chance: Reminds me of the time I agreed to help build a worm costume, then wear it at a Port of Seattle event celebrating sustainable landscaping practices.  We constructed a 9' tall, tubular skeleton suspended from an old backpack frame, then wrapped the whole thing in pink/beige fabric.  Going the extra mile, we added a system by which I could wiggle the thing by pulling on handles attached to cords.  Being not all that handy, the only part that wiggled was the tip - in a vaguely threatening way.   Imagine me on a stage in a 9', flesh-toned  cylinder with a wiggling tip.  Now imagine the expressions on the faces of the assembled dignitaries when I crept toward them for photographs.  Many emotions mixed in there, but, mostly, I recall horror.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

I've never done crack.

Scott: Richaaaaard!!

Management Class

Matt: When I was there, they said the week before someone got hammered, took their clothes off and ran through the fountain.
Jay: Yeah! That's an urban legend! They told us too.
John: Where was the fountain? I don't remember it at all.
Frank: John, did you get your clothes back??

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

MT Cabin

Chance: My shit is well delegated.

Monday, April 1, 2013

31 in a 30

Mark:  Can you imagine waking up and your only job being a complete douchebag?

Friday, March 29, 2013

Heating & AC Guy

Curtis:  I get to watch him suck my ducts out!  I wonder what a duck sounds like when it get sucked out.

New Technology

John:  What do we call this thing?  The Blow and Suck Machine?
Don:  No.  It's the Suck and Blow.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Tired Legs

Jeny: Sorry dude.
Adam: For what?
Jeny: You got chicked.
Adam: You know what? Today she can have it.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Freezing Rain

Adam: Are we really going to ski in this?
Jen: Oh yeah. This is awesome skiing weather dude.
Adam: No, this is good sitting inside drinking scotch weather.

Don't Push It

Adam: You know what's awesome about you?
Jen: Everything.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013


Gail: Oh wait.. the test does not require on-line unless I change my mind.  I promise not to change my mind until we are within 2-hours of starting the test.  Then I’ll not only ask for on-line but I’ll try to double the number of channels and test conditions.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Avoid A Fall -- Use Handrail

Toby:  Someone must have ate shit on the stairs.  Don't tell me to use them as a gym then tell me I might DIE when I do.

Friday, March 8, 2013

All Day Meetings

Bernie: This is buckets of suck.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Self Help Book Titles

Don: Maybe someone should leave a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" on Mark's desk.
Jen: Or, "How to Not Piss Off Your Coworkers and Subsequently Not End Up in the Duwamish with Cement Shoes."
Don:  Or, "If You Want Someone Else to Help You With Something You Don't Know How to Do, Maybe You Shouldn't Be a Giant Dick."

Friday, March 1, 2013


Adam: I need peanut butter.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Cannot Display Webpage

Ted: I repeated the error.
Jen: Yay, I'm not crazy.
Rob: Yes you are.
Jen: F--- off, Rob.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Kamikaze Pilots

Don:  Although they must be inexperienced, because why else would you want virgins?

Monday, February 11, 2013

Home Alone

Mary: Just so you know, I plan on filling out your month of freedom with lots of girl dates, parties, dancing, wild nights you won't remember, etc., etc.

Sunday, February 10, 2013


Adam: Everything is sexier in PDF.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Fall Protection Training

Pat:  You know what they don't tell you about that class?  It's two hours you'll never get back.  Poof.  You can't put the fluff back into the dandelion.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Medical Advice (via text)

Zana: Paging Dr. Adam -- Torn calf muscle (pretty sure).  Mayonanaise?
Jen/Adam: Mustard.  Dijon is best.
Zana: Should I eat it or just shove it up my ass?
Jen/Adam: Rectal for maximum effect.  Applied with a pickle.
Zana: Perfect.  It will only match how I feel.
Jen/Adam: And possibly improve it.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Blinky Lights

Joel: Electricity to the rescue once again.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


Jen: I ran across my workout plans from winter two years ago.
Pat: You were much harder back then.
Jen: Now I'm soft and squishy.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Why I love my job

Miller: It would have been much easier if we could just saw a hole in the floor.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Still Working

Ken: Crappy commute this morning.  Add that to the fact that I didn't win the lottery and have to be here in the first place.  But at least no one will be trying to pour cyanide down my throat while I'm not looking.

Monday, January 7, 2013

A Gift for Whitefish.

Zana: I can't believe you hid that f--king squeaky toy in the couch!  I found it and said to Pete, Look at this. No way Gaia put that there. No way it got "lost" there. That motherf--ker was put here on purpose.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Measures of Time

Zana: What time are you guys getting up to go to V-Trees?
Adam: Sometime after Pete gets out of the bathroom.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Zana's interpretation.

Gaia: You guys stay up late and embarrass me.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Greatest Tag Line Ever

Adam: Douchebags - Chicks dig them.

Ski Jackets

Pete: I'm gonna put on my blue jacket, cuz we look like a bag of f--king skittles.

New Year's Hangover

Zana: I am 20% cleaner and feel 4% better.