BCS

Adam: There are only three bowls: the Rose Bowl, the Orange Bowl and the... Rose Bowl!

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Mom: I know these songs better than you because I was in elementary school for many years. You were only there for the requisite five. 

Heavy Sigh

Becky: How was Christmas with your grandkids?

Lori: I don't like teenagers. 

Andrew, Technology Genius

Andrew: How do I get the sound to work on this? Oh right - turn up the volume. 

One pair of shoes.

Andrew: I should have brought my cowboy boots for sledding. 

Leopard Socks

Regan: No one has ever said, "pour some cement on you."

Jen: Significantly different than "pour some sugar on me."

Adam's Opinions

Regan: Oh I forgot -- you're on the f'ed up side of the couch. 

Dogs are the shit.

Regan: You just stuck your feet in my face. I'm not rubbing your belly. 

Fork

Adam: What just happened?

Martina: Regan just got a dinglehopper. 

Food Safety for the Holidays

Kelli:  The holidays bring on the most incidents of food poisoning, and they can't all be attributed to my mother.

Cheese is not linear.

Don: Takes me back to sophomore engineering: you have a linear, homogenous, weightless structure. 

Rebels

Jen: Who wants to help me break some rules?
Mark/Tom/Tim: I do!

Dave the Muppet

Dave: You know what I just discovered? YouTube!

GRE

Pat: I'm a one trick pony and it's calculus. 

After Dinner

Regan: Can we take these cookies and go upstairs?

The Flaming Nard in the Sky

Regan: I found my legs in the plumbing department. 

Traffic Pattern

Adam: It's difficult to get across Green Lake. 

Regan: Unless you had a hovercraft. 

The 'Burb

Emily: This baby corners like she's on rails. 

Mike: I've drifted it before!

Why would you hide?

Mike: If I were Bigfoot, I'd be like "look at me, I'm f-ing Bigfoot!"

Mike's Kitchen

Adam: It's ok. We have coriander. Let the zombies come. 

Driving with Arthur

Steven: Don't go, it's not green. 

Tele Skiing

Mark: You were really good at it. Until you went into the fence. 

Adam: Didn't I break the fence?

Eric

Josh: She couldn't have done better. Well - she could. She could have married me. 

Enough!

Seth: This isn't going anywhere and I don't see it going anywhere. 

Spice Cabinet

Arthur: Honey, is this oregano or is it pot?

Landing at JFK

Pilot: ...The temperature is still above freezing which is, um, good for us. 

Thanksgiving morning.

Jo: I know you think all I've been doing all morning is drinking and cooking but no!!

I haven't driven in months.

Josh. I'm on the lawn. 

Free Windows 8.1 Upgrade

Seth: It's like - hey! Do you like AIDS? We have herpes for free!

Customer Service

Toby: There's stuff I said I wouldn't do on Friday, and when people tell me today that I said that, I say, I don't even remember saying that.  Hey - I had a whole weekend to forget that with alcohol; it's Monday and I'm here to help you again.

I stole this from the showroom.

Regan: This tank top didn't belong on the rack -- it belongs on MY rack!!

At Home

Jen: Oh no! The finger puppet fell into the bacon grease!

Chance: I saw that and assumed there had been a terrible accident so I didn't inquire any further. 

Bar Time

Joe: What time is it?
Jen: Time for me to go to bed.
Joe:  Ten o'clock!  Holy shit, I have to go home and watch Golden Girls!

Monologuers

Andy: Well, I'll bet there weren't any awkward silences!

Workshop Integration

Tim: So what are we going to do when we go downstairs?

Keith: Eat cookies. 

MNF

Darvin: Was that final play pass interference or was it not?

Most Everybody: Pass interference!

Tim: It was a hug. 

Workshop

Dennis: Thanks for being here - as if you had a choice. 

Final GVT Question

Jen: Why did it trip on shaker 6?

John: Because there's an amoeba. 

Wedding Roles

Adam: If I were a ring bear, I would just hibernate. 

A Walk in the Woods

Adam: I don't understand why people bring a sidearm hiking. What are they defending themselves from?

Jen: Go-pheirs. 

More Physics

Adam: Where are my booties?

Jen: Look on the floor; that's where gravity puts stuff. 

Perpective

Tim:  One guy's panic is another guy's dirty o-ring.

Dr. Lim

Jen: He endorses Nutella!!

Adam: Who wouldn't?

IDEAS

Tim: So this breathes new life into them staying in their old ways?

Freecycle

Adam: The Element is the perfect "oh, there's something to pick up on the curb!" vehicle. 

Capeline

Tim: Best next thing to Nepalm.

Tuna Head

Jen: Hey, come here.  Gaia's head smells like tuna.
Adam: Ok.  The dog rolls around in the grass -- that's been peed on by hobos -- and you tell me her head smells fishy, and that I should come get up close and personal with it.  I don't think so.

Paragliding

Tim: These are things you can only do in a country without lawyers!

A previous GVT.

Mark:  These people couldn't run a pie eating contest, let alone a GVT.

Jen: Maybe we should have a pie eating contest instead.

...
Joe: What kind of pie?

Vet Assistant

Mark:  In high school, I picked the fur off kitties' balls before surgery.

Cursed

Yenew: Why did we start with test point 100?  Why couldn't we have started somewhere else??  WHY???

Instrumentation Issues

Mark:  I'm not quite to the point where I'll promise to start going to church.  It ain't that bad.

The Cure

Adam: Oh, you had THAT kind of night.

Sleeping Puppy

Jen: She is PTFO'd.

Adam: She had a trying day. 

Finance Focal

Pete: Alan and I are BFF. 

Second Shift

Pat: So what exictiting things have happened here?
Mark: You're looking at it.
Jen: The door opened earlier.  That was kind of exciting.
Mark: AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!?!?  I'M RIGHT OVER HERE!

Politics

Pat: Everyone knows the facts have a liberal bias.

Weirdness

Adam: Gaia, you're licking the concrete, that's weird.

Gaia: Whatever. You guys have motorcycles in the living room. THAT'S weird. 

Love

Adam: You can have the last egg. 

Jen: You do love me!

Adam: By love, you mean tolerate, right? That's a kind of love, I'm pretty sure. Jesus said so. 

Dirty Jokes

Chance: I have a finely tuned, highly cultivated inner 13 year old. Nothing gets by - NOTHING!

Workout Regimen

Jo: I don't know what you're doing at the gym - you must be handing out towels cuz you're not doing anything else. 

2013 Volcano Run

Wayne: It went from deluge to holy f-in shit!

Fancy Dinner

Adam: That's how math works -- it adds up fast. 

Texas Education System

Richard: I can tell Adam has not yet been saved. 

Dylan Visits

Adam: Parenting is exhausting. 

Fire

Marty: Yesterday we had an un commanded smoke release from a resistor that shouldn't have released smoke. 

Transition to Management

Steve: Can you cover for me next week as I travel to St. Louis with my Go4Zero helmet on?

Wayne

Pauline: Some people's purpose in life is to serve as a bad example. 

Sudafed & Caffiene

Patrick: School is back in session so my little vectors brought me a cold. 

Strength

Chance: When I was rowing I could do 8 pull ups. And then I would stop, because it would get hard. And it preserved the idea that I could do infinite pull ups. 

Stale Data

Pat: Did someone forget to pay the telemetry bill this month?

Phil: It's kind of like being stuck in a room with a pole dancer with the lights turned off. 

Booty

Andrew: Did you guys snag that bottle of cider that I stole?
Jennifer: Hell yeah we did.  Right out of the fridge after you ABANDONED it.
Andrew: Nooooo!!  that's the same thing as leaving a baby on top of a moving car!  Thank you for rescuing it.
Jennifer:  Lucky for you Adam and I are responsible adults.

Lane Shift

Jen: Slow down? Whatever. I could take that at speed. 

Adam: I would agree with you, but then we'd both be upside down. 

Bride's Helper

Jen: Is that the wedding planner?

Mike: Yeah. She's an idiot. 

Mother of the Bride

Mike: So, will we see you tomorrow?

Pants

Jen: These are a medium. They're too big. 

Adam: Are they women's? Darn, thought I could take them. 

Jen: If you grow some hips. 

Adam: What do you call these moneymakers?

Introverted

Karen: I don't know where to go to be invisible. 

Bike Maintenace

Jeny: Your job was to put on a water bottle cage. Why is the rear wheel off?

Adam: There's an explanation for that...

I need the eggs!!

Adam: You're sitting on the cooler. 

Jen: You're a master of the obvious. 

Campsites

Adam: Have you honed in on anything on the map? NF-Counting Sheep Road?

Reputation

Jen: Why do I know Pendleton?

Adam: They have a big rodeo. 

Jen: Whiskey! That's why I know them. 

You should....

Josh: Don't you "should" me. You can gently recommend, but don't "should" me!!

Still Cable Rolling

Curtis: This was all under control until Tim woke up this morning.

Cable Rolling

Tim: Were you ever a roadie in a rock band?
Curtis:  IT HAS MEMORY!!

FSR 7174

Lost Hiker: I would so buy your bike right now. 

Jeny: Dude, I would trade you straight up for those poles and your shoes. 

I do not approve.

Dana: I don't know this song. 

Jeny/Erin/Steph/Martina:  IT'S RAINING MEN!! Hallelujah!

All Managers Meeting

Steve:  Hey Marty, type up a question for me.  Ask how we get some of the kool-aid out of the green vile.

Clout

Tim:  That would be win-win.  Too bad you don't have the power to make it happen.
Jen:  I could pretend though.
Tim:  Pretend manager, pretend results!  Hey, perfect!

Popular Books

Curtis:  How many shades of grey are there?  Have you read that one yet, Tim?

Verbage

Pete: I heard that St. Louis has implemented the plan.
John:  Well -- implemented -- that's a funny word.

Bachelorhood

Motorcycle Tim: I would seriously question the sanity of anyone that wanted to marry me.

Modes

Pat: You can breathe in the hangar and excite first wing bending. 

Brunch Buffet

Old Guy in Salad Bar Line: What is this?  I don't want salad.  I want breakfast.

Lunch

Jen: Hey Guy, how's the split pea soup today?
Guy:  Better than those burnt burgers you were cooking up last week.

Go 4 Some

Becky: They dropped a bit of plastic way down in there and just left it.
Mark: Ha!  Go 4 Zero!
Jen: This wasn't our guys.
Jason: Yeah, they Go 4 A Handful.

Meeting with Executives

Jen: I'm on vacation that week, so I can't hold the barf bag for you.
Steve: That's ok.  I'll do it on the table for effect.

Inverses

Jen: The spreadsheet of DOOM.
Pat: No, whatever the opposite of doom is.
Jen: MOOD.

Go 4 Zero

John: We have a great safety record on this floor!
Mark: Oh yeah!
Jason: Didn't you sit on a tack one time?
Mark: Oh. Yeah..

Language Barrier

Pat: I just speak a different dialect.  It's called educated.

Montana

Zana: I'm a passenger. Of course I'm drinking a beer. 

I'll call myself an athlete, but that's a stretch.

Adam: I just figured out the difference between climbing and cycling parties. At climbing parties we do pull ups. At cycling parties we weigh ourselves. 

Hydrocodone

Adam: Have you ever stood on a low step stool and said, wow -- the world looks so different from here!

Adult Pool Parties

Mikey:  It was amazing.  People were jumping naked from the Ethel Merman clamshell into the pool.  I had to apologize to Thor, the building manager.  He said, Michael -- that was the most fun that pool has seen in a DECADE.  You EARNED that citation!

Becky

Mark: Anyone who can maintain a cheerful demeanor while riding in this clown car is indeed awesome.

Picnic eats

Jen: I need some alcohol to soak up this food!

Percentage Complete

Adam:  How many do you have left?
Jen: Two-thirds.
Adam: Out of how many?
Jen:  Three-thirds.

Alter of Whiskey

Laura: Best to come at the altar sideways-- head on, the altar usually wins.

Data

Chance: Who gives a f--- about a billionth of a cent?

Corgies

Jen: Those dogs are all butts. 

Joel & Joe

Joel: If there was a Miss America of Assholes, you'd be the first runner-up. 

Motorcycle Gang Names

Chance: I vote for "Lost Boys" because then you get to wear onesies with ears & paws. 

Motorcycle Class

Chuck:  I can do two U-turns in this box on any of your bikes!  I can do it on my big bike!  Hell, I can do it in my PORSCHE!

New Job

Katie: If you look it up in the dictionary, I believe you will find "deflector of bullshit" as a synonym for manager. 

Hops

Joe: The reason people love the Pacific Northwest is because it's like Czechlosovakia. 

Post Crash

Jen: I don't think I hit the deck that hard. I don't know why I hurt so much. And don't tell me I'm old. 

Adam: Sounds like you need a dose of Toughen The F--- Up. 

Jen: Do you SEE me rockin the pink pajama pants? I don't need to toughen the f--- anything.

Dog vs Mountain Bike

Hiker: Curry, stop that! Her back wheel is not made of steak!

Interns

Pat: Be good at your job, or you'll be turned into tacos.

Tiger Summit Climb

Adam: The flat bit was nice.

Youth

Pat: Jen and Adam rode Friday, Saturday AND Sunday last week.  I'm jealous.
Christie:  Yeah, well in 10 years Lilly will be fast on the bike and Jen will be OLD.

Ladder Climbing

Jen: The make up was part of The 2013 Campaign to Care About my Appearance. 

Adam: Oh yeah? How'd that go for you?

Jen: I got a f---ing promotion. 

Flow Down

Dave: It's just about putting the decision at the lowest possible level. 

Pete: You can't get any lower than us!

Conversations with Customers

Don:  Successfully got rid of most of the channels and ALL of the expectations.  Check!

Concepts

Adam: I'm totally comfortable with the risks of climbing, but then you think about the things you're new to...

[Pan crashes to the floor.]

... Like gravity. 

Backstabbed.

Jen:  He made some reference about falling on my sword that I didn't understand.
Jim:  Well, sometimes you can fall on your sword without knowing it.
Joel:  Yeah, and you could fall on it backwards -- with someone holding it behind you.

Alternate Methods

Chris:  Jen is like the rat that chews through the maze.
Jen:  Aw, Chris -- that's so sweet!

Customers

Joel:  I hate GE.  I'm never flying anything with their engines.  And I'm never buying another light bulb.

Sexiness

Adam: I'm a middle aged, middle class white man. Take your aggression out on THIS.

Mystery Button

Adam: Ok, so the button is officially not your ejector seat.

Renton

Mike: Seriously, the car sight seeing in this town is off the hook.

Head Shot

Adam:  You look like you just switched the non-dairy creamer at the coffee station with laxative... kinda guilty, kinda nervous.

Triple

Perry: What's a three person boat?
Trent: A boat with three people.

Social Networking

Ben: Jeny tagged me in a post on Facebook!
Matt: Jeny tagged your face with a post???

Lateral Stabilizers

Bridget: Up with this shit we will not put!

Learning Zone

Tim: I think Pete should work on being an introvert.

Safety Culture

Tracy: Even Disneyland has problems.

Personalities

Kelli: I'm in the angry box.

Harbor Freight Tools

Adam: Be careful when you go in there. We don't need a MIG welder.
Jeny: Whatever. Who the f--k put you in charge?

Time to Retire

Kelvin:  His eye sight is going.  He can't see banana peels.

Time Not Wasted

Jim: I'm revalidating my passions!!

Opportunity

Chris: I'm reluctant to use that word because it usually means "doing something stupid."

Costume

Chance: Reminds me of the time I agreed to help build a worm costume, then wear it at a Port of Seattle event celebrating sustainable landscaping practices.  We constructed a 9' tall, tubular skeleton suspended from an old backpack frame, then wrapped the whole thing in pink/beige fabric.  Going the extra mile, we added a system by which I could wiggle the thing by pulling on handles attached to cords.  Being not all that handy, the only part that wiggled was the tip - in a vaguely threatening way.   Imagine me on a stage in a 9', flesh-toned  cylinder with a wiggling tip.  Now imagine the expressions on the faces of the assembled dignitaries when I crept toward them for photographs.  Many emotions mixed in there, but, mostly, I recall horror.

I've never done crack.

Scott: Richaaaaard!!

Management Class

Matt: When I was there, they said the week before someone got hammered, took their clothes off and ran through the fountain.
Jay: Yeah! That's an urban legend! They told us too.
John: Where was the fountain? I don't remember it at all.
Frank: John, did you get your clothes back??

MT Cabin

Chance: My shit is well delegated.

31 in a 30

Mark:  Can you imagine waking up and your only job being a complete douchebag?

Heating & AC Guy

Curtis:  I get to watch him suck my ducts out!  I wonder what a duck sounds like when it get sucked out.

New Technology

John:  What do we call this thing?  The Blow and Suck Machine?
Don:  No.  It's the Suck and Blow.

Tired Legs

Jeny: Sorry dude.
Adam: For what?
Jeny: You got chicked.
Adam: You know what? Today she can have it.

Freezing Rain

Adam: Are we really going to ski in this?
Jen: Oh yeah. This is awesome skiing weather dude.
Adam: No, this is good sitting inside drinking scotch weather.

Don't Push It

Adam: You know what's awesome about you?
Jen: Everything.

GAIL

Gail: Oh wait.. the test does not require on-line unless I change my mind.  I promise not to change my mind until we are within 2-hours of starting the test.  Then I’ll not only ask for on-line but I’ll try to double the number of channels and test conditions.

Avoid A Fall -- Use Handrail

Toby:  Someone must have ate shit on the stairs.  Don't tell me to use them as a gym then tell me I might DIE when I do.

All Day Meetings

Bernie: This is buckets of suck.

Self Help Book Titles

Don: Maybe someone should leave a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" on Mark's desk.
Jen: Or, "How to Not Piss Off Your Coworkers and Subsequently Not End Up in the Duwamish with Cement Shoes."
Don:  Or, "If You Want Someone Else to Help You With Something You Don't Know How to Do, Maybe You Shouldn't Be a Giant Dick."

Hungry

Adam: I need peanut butter.

Cannot Display Webpage

Ted: I repeated the error.
Jen: Yay, I'm not crazy.
Rob: Yes you are.
Jen: F--- off, Rob.

Kamikaze Pilots

Don:  Although they must be inexperienced, because why else would you want virgins?

Home Alone

Mary: Just so you know, I plan on filling out your month of freedom with lots of girl dates, parties, dancing, wild nights you won't remember, etc., etc.

Resume

Adam: Everything is sexier in PDF.

Fall Protection Training

Pat:  You know what they don't tell you about that class?  It's two hours you'll never get back.  Poof.  You can't put the fluff back into the dandelion.

Medical Advice (via text)

Zana: Paging Dr. Adam -- Torn calf muscle (pretty sure).  Mayonanaise?
Jen/Adam: Mustard.  Dijon is best.
Zana: Should I eat it or just shove it up my ass?
Jen/Adam: Rectal for maximum effect.  Applied with a pickle.
Zana: Perfect.  It will only match how I feel.
Jen/Adam: And possibly improve it.

Blinky Lights

Joel: Electricity to the rescue once again.

Training

Jen: I ran across my workout plans from winter two years ago.
Pat: You were much harder back then.
Jen: Now I'm soft and squishy.

Why I love my job

Miller: It would have been much easier if we could just saw a hole in the floor.

Still Working

Ken: Crappy commute this morning.  Add that to the fact that I didn't win the lottery and have to be here in the first place.  But at least no one will be trying to pour cyanide down my throat while I'm not looking.

A Gift for Whitefish.

Zana: I can't believe you hid that f--king squeaky toy in the couch!  I found it and said to Pete, Look at this. No way Gaia put that there. No way it got "lost" there. That motherf--ker was put here on purpose.

Measures of Time

Zana: What time are you guys getting up to go to V-Trees?
Adam: Sometime after Pete gets out of the bathroom.

Zana's interpretation.

Gaia: You guys stay up late and embarrass me.

Greatest Tag Line Ever

Adam: Douchebags - Chicks dig them.

Ski Jackets

Pete: I'm gonna put on my blue jacket, cuz we look like a bag of f--king skittles.

New Year's Hangover

Zana: I am 20% cleaner and feel 4% better.