Monday, October 31, 2016

Airplane Fires

Tim: People really want their bags.
Ben: And people are nice enough to wait for them?
Tim: That's where the yelling comes in.
Ben: I think I'd quickly escalate to trampling.

High Viz Clothing

Briana: I'm just reminding people how to stay alive.  Sans disco.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Getting Stood Up

Sean: Did you invite me to a happy hour you're not coming to?
Alex: Why yes, yes I did do that. #oops

Advanced HP35670

Patrick: I'm still trying to figure out how to address the USB port.
Jen: Does it not respond to Sir USB?  I'm pretty sure it was knighted.

Busted Ankle

Trey: I'm your one-legged man.  Are you ready for the ass kicking contest?

Thursday, October 27, 2016


Mark: He's a turd that will rise to the surface over and over.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Foam Chair Pillows

Mark: If I fart on them, I can throw them out.
Tim: Why wait?

Joe's Head

Ben: This guy needs a bump cap, because I found out yesterday he's had seven concussions.
John: All since you started working here?

Friday, October 21, 2016

Caryn Davies

Susanna: She's MAN FAST!

Baby Boomer Tendencies

Susanna: So do you have a sports car, then?
Stacie: Oh yeah.  If by "sports car" you mean "Honda Fit."

HOCR Course

Stacie: So... two bridges, then it's one mile down...
Susanna: Is that going to be inspiring to you... or soul crushing?

Age Bracket

Susanna: You're not a baby boomer, you're Generation X. 
Stacie: I'm on the edge. I could have tendencies!

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Sitting on a bouncy ball.

Trey: Do you want to know what happens when I get core strength? No. You don't.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Extra Latte

Rich: Ben won the coffee lottery, at which point Tim grabbed it and drank half while Ben had a bewildered look on his face.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Am I the sister you never wished you had?

Zoe: You're so distracting.
Margot: I haven't said anything to you in several minutes!

Culture to Performance

James: I don't know how much exposure you guys have had...
Kate: We want zero.


Toby: I was thinking the secret loophole would be buried on page 14 or 15, but nope -- there it is on page one.


Steve: You kill any wild animals with that lately?
George: Just pulled a liver out of a bear.

4th Grade Halloween Costume

Jeny: Is that when you had to shank a bitch for calling you George Washington?
Zana: Oh no. That was FIRST grade, and he deserved it.


Ann: I've dealt with moody boys before.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Alarm Clock Feelings

Nickie: I'm pissed.  It's morning again.

Friday, October 7, 2016


Tim: What the hell is that?
Jen: There is very clearly a "J" at the beginning and a very clear crossing of the T's at the end.
Tim: Riiiiight.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Name Plate

Briana: I found Martin in my toolbox.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Because we're adults.

Jeny: I had chocolate ice cream and mint tea for dinner.  And now I'm going to bed.
Nickie: I'm going to have chips.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Prescribed Software

Dr. Ron: If you know SysML and you were hoping to use it... you can adapt.

Guac Hero

Greg: I found a lime.  I have saved the guac.  I am a hero.

Monday, October 3, 2016


Nickie: I come from a long line of people who pee outside. 

Saturday, October 1, 2016


Regan: Everyone is worried about anthrax. What they should be worried about is toddlers.