Thursday, December 24, 2015


Andrew: Don't call it lettuce. 

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Manhattans Tonight

Andrea: And I brought home the cherries, son!

Water = Clear Liquid

Ashley: You get your water in distilled alcohol form. 

Order of Operations

Andrea: You put a hole in the box.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015


Ashley: Please hold. This dog doesn't know where she is. 

Thursday, December 17, 2015


Jim: Well, someone pays for it.
Steve: Shareholders pay for it.  No one cares about them.  Wait -- who's on the phone?

Monday, December 14, 2015

Awkward Pause

Dave: So which is worse -- WFL or this?

Photo Share

Becky: Are you sending that photo to EVERYONE?
Jen: Hey -- that's payback for the intern website.
Becky: I was NEVER going to tell you about that!!

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Andrew's Going Away Party

Margot: I dressed up today for you.  I wore a nice shirt and a real bra.

Grizzly Bears

Margot: Why would nature do that!?!?

Tuesday, December 8, 2015


George: I have a roof leak right next to my desk that has accumulated about an inch of water in a cup in the last hour.  Kind of like my own personal Chinese torture device.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Post show sugar high.

Lilly: Summer, the murderous glare in your eyes does not make you more beautiful. 

Friday, December 4, 2015

Dinner choice

Andrew: Great minds think alike. And so do ours. 

Because you had a deficiency in this department.

Mark: Here's another little thought to annoy you!

Thursday, December 3, 2015


Dave: You're thin. 
Pat: I'm not as thin as my running friends.
Dave: Well, you would be!

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Half Marathon

Lauren: It's not that early.
Jeny: It is if you're not running 13 miles.
Lauren: Dude, I'm not running that far. 

Tuesday, November 24, 2015


Bernie: There his is!  Get back here you son of a bitch.  I said I wanted a document; this is a cable!

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Hangouts Meeting

Vishvesh: Is someone at Chuck E Cheese?

Friday, November 20, 2015

Tall Engineers

John: What's the height clearance in the new motorhome?
Ben: Four feet.

Who hit the button?

Ben: Kill Switch One, I'm looking at you!


John: It's Gatorade!  You start fitting modes, man, and you work up a sweat.

Lunch with Regan

Jen: I need a hug.
Regan: You need tequila.

Monday, November 16, 2015


Rich: Anything we can do to help?
Jen: Make me look as good as the creepy old guys think I do. 

Friday, November 13, 2015


Mike: We could run this company better on an ouiji board. 


Jen: Management detention has begun.  Andy spilled his yogurt on Marty already.  We told him that's what he gets for bringing in something healthy.
Pat: You said "already" as if a trademark of detention is Andy spilling his yogurt on Marty at some point.
Jen: We're like a bunch of rowdy 8th graders, really.

Negotiating Skills

John: I'm negotiating with my team and now I have to go buy beer.


Jen: I'll text you after a couple beers tonight.
Steve:  I'm two weeks beyond that weak stuff.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

The Presentation

John: Where do you have this thing?
Frank: On my desktop, so you better be nice to me.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Boxers or Briefs?

Mark: He says it will take time to work a budget number.  WTF.  It should be on a list somewhere at his desk.  He is probably still in his underwear working from home and can't find it until he puts on his glasses.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Methods of Travel

Ben: I thought you were going to ninja roll.
Rich: I'm too old to ninja roll.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015


George: Anybody want some ibuprofen?

Friday, October 30, 2015


Keith: Oops, I dropped my banana somewhere.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Final Exam

Steve: You have to pay a toll upon exiting this class. 

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Muffins in the Oven

Aditi: You're not supposed to say such things!

Friday, October 23, 2015

Implementing Order Tracking

Tim: It brings on a very strong munch reflex.

Shipping Focal

Tim: I made the mistake of telling him the truth.

Thursday, October 22, 2015


Jim: Stop laughing. 

Aim High

John: I've been shot down before.  I know how to go down in flames.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Cooking together.

Chance: I like being sous chef because I don't have a vision in the kitchen and I like using knives. 

Friday, October 16, 2015

Panic Moment

Rich: Did you hear? Ben's brake cable came loose and wrapped itself around the axle on his way home last night.
Ben: Yeah.  The brakes stopped working at that point.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Watch out for that one.

Anne: Hey, I'm behaving!
John: You don't even know what that word means.

Saturday, October 10, 2015


John: Why do you lie?
Amy: Because it makes me popular.

Thursday, October 8, 2015


Steve: I know I talk fast, but it helps to listen fast.

Hit the button, Bobby.

Bobby: I don't have an "easy" button.  I have an "other" button.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Kitty Accident

Pat: The cat was thinking outside the box. 

Tuesday, September 29, 2015


Anne: Well, he's going to have a really big problem.  Named me.


Anne: You're like 35, right?  You're going to be here for another 20 years!
Jeff: And you're like 6, right?

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Bike Shop Treats

Gaia: There are two classes of things in here: cookies and not-cookies.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Safety Zombies

Jay: I was slammed with EHS folks.  They came from every corner: Enterprise EHS, BT&E EHS, IASL EHS, etc.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Management Hierarchy

Jen: I assume I overstepped my bounds and will find a pink slip on my desk come morning. 
Dave: Somehow I don't think their plans for you will be as quick or painless as a simple pink slip. 

Monday, September 21, 2015

Wardrobe choice

Jen: I'm going running. 
Becky: Girl, not in those boots!


Mark: The sky is blue and I can feel fall is on the way.  I love this time of year.  Things are starting to rot.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

I am invincible!

Ryan: Everyone else was in the best shape of their lives.  I ran stairs once in April.

Resort at Camp Muir

Ryan: I didn't have to poop in a bag for the whole week!

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Found a body!

Patrick: I'm in a good mood. We have an AOG. 
Jen: You're like a sick homicide detective. 

Level 4

Toby: This is retroactive punishment for me. 

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Morning liquids.

Katie: I only hydrate with caffeine before nine. 

Monday, September 7, 2015

CST-100 Testing

Adam: I remember the old days, when you just put a monkey in it.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

R&M Spending

Jim: This is a stupid chart. 

Incompetence Competition

Jen: I think Finance and Transportation are trying to see who can do their job worse.
Dave: What about IT?

Wednesday, September 2, 2015


Jen: What's gravity -- 32 feet per second per second?
Mark: 32.174.

Monday, August 31, 2015

Ha ha!!

Mitch: ...because I was scheduled for vacation over the weekend.


Jen: Do you want a cupcake?
Mitch: That is a silly question.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Team Shout Outs

Trey: I think she wants us to praise each other. 

Third Row Seat

Mike: This reminds me of my high school days!

Upcoming Testing

Tim: November is rapidly approaching.
Ben: Isn't it approaching at the usual rate: one second per second?

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Miller Lite

Andrew: I do love cheap beer. 

Friday, August 14, 2015

Casino Winnings

Andrew: I'd offer to tip, but I only have large bills. 

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Screen door. Soap bottle. Towel rack.

Andrew: Why can't I figure out anything?

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

And I was hungry.

Regan: There's Jell-O shots and then there's tequila Jell-O shots. 

Friends in Canmore

Regan: When in doubt, get the international plan and call Regan. 

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Thanks, ass.

Ben: You guys way overdid it last night.


Steve: I actually like going to work!  It's the arriving at work that then goes south.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Woman of my dreams.

Bob: I've moved on. To Rachel Myers. 
Andrew: I've heard about Rachel. Much better choice. 
Bob: Yeah. On account of her not being married. 

Roommate & Guest

Bob: You wanna play a joke on Zana?
Andrew: No. I don't want to get the shit beat out of me. 

Saturday, July 18, 2015


Niki: I'm getting the ball and chain tattooed on my neck!

Friday, July 17, 2015

Busted Kickstand.

Adam: My only concern is I'm going to burn my pants...

Thursday, July 16, 2015


Tiran: Can't we just go to sleep?

Tim: Multitasking makes you stupid. 

Quality Leader

Dan: You'll notice that Marshall's shirt is always untucked a little. It's so Steve can grab the tails and hang on. 

Monday, July 13, 2015

Threshold has been established.

Jen: I was so mad I tweeted about it. 

Navigation at Pax

Becky: I knew you followed a road somewhere...

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Gang of Old Timers

Evan: Hey, don't beat me up and take my lunch money. 

Thursday, July 9, 2015


Matt: Can you cover for me in PtP Monday?
Jen: Sure.  I'll be there anyway.  Hopefully we won't disagree on anything so I don't have to argue with myself.
Matt: Oh, I do that all the time.  Sometimes I even win!

Everything is Terrible.

Trey: That sounds like a crisis!
Jen: Everything is a crisis.  I'm not impressed.

Group Meeting

Jen: Hello.
Tim: Hi.
Rich: And that's when it all went downhill.

Friday, July 3, 2015


Jeny: I miscalculated my snacks.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

They were salty.

Jen: Gaia is kinda like the kid out in right field with her glove in the air. 
Chance: I was almost that kid. Except I was chewing on my glove laces and staring at the ground. 

Tuesday, June 23, 2015


Kelvin: I got respect for older people, but I'm telling you -- I will knock him out.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Strategic Council Haikus by Ed

                So much dialogue
                But so little accomplished
                Strategic Council

                Deep dive, synergize
                Strategize and optimize
                Z’s make me sleepy

                Stratus deck beats the
                PowerPoint deck every time
                The mountain is out

                Nouns morph into verbs
                Corporate speak trashes language
                English majors cringe

Tuesday, June 9, 2015


Don: We take shoddy processes to a whole new level. 
Mark: That's right -- every time time someone implements a bad process, we get a royalty. 

Thursday, May 28, 2015


Joe: Uh oh. There goes Tom. I hope he doesn't slap anybody. 

Back to TM

Don: Well, wishful thinking didn't work. 

Monday, May 25, 2015


Pat: Oh ok, so step one -- start a grease fire.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Pink Panty Droppers

Scott: Charlie and I are making mixed drinks. We'll need a fifth of vodka, a six pack of tall boys -- preferably Keystone Light...
Jeny: Oh, you are on your f--king own!

Monday, May 18, 2015

Washing and Rigging

Isabel: Is there anything that needs doing?
Jeny: The JV Boys need babysitting. 
Isabel: Anything else?

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Guys coxing girls

Tim: I've never known a woman to respond well to a man yelling at her. 

Wednesday, May 13, 2015


Riley: I think I'm just not going to go.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Test Levels

Don: 100 g's?! Where on the airplane is this thing?
Mark: Coach.

Overhead Budget

Brad: Your plan wasn't doable in January.  Now it's impossible.

Monday, April 27, 2015

Everyone calls it The Junk and who am I to judge?

Kaitlin: Coby, who told you to do this workout -- Satan??

Drives me nuts.

Becky: I can only handle being around nice Christian women once a month.  

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Hot Yoga

Jason: Some people in there are pretzels. And Then there's the 50 year old fat man. 

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Sales Guys

Steve: Do we look like finance people?

Tuesday, March 31, 2015


Jeny: Boys are dumb.
Lizzy: But attractive!

Monday, March 30, 2015

Communicating Clearly

Tony: I understand why they wouldn't allow kicking here at work, but punching?  We need to bring that back.
Jen: I'd settle for a classic face slapping.
Tony:  Nothing says clear communication like a good ol' crack across the lippers.

Jellyfish Boss

Mark: He's the spine inside the jelly.

Sunday, March 29, 2015


Adam: I was getting gas in Tacoma yesterday...
Pat: Did you eat too much broccoli?

Friday, March 27, 2015

Victim vs. Creator

Melody: I threw my rock out the window.
Pete: I hope it didn't hit anyone!
Melody: I was trying.
Charles: I was too far away.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015


Mark: Yeah, gonna go watch my wife get excited about Kenny Chesney's butt!


Andy: My son is the King of Duct Tape.

Sunday, March 22, 2015


Jeny: I think you texted me instead of your wife.
Coby: Oh shit. What did I say? ....  Charlie would like an Americano...  Wink wink. 

Squeaky Hedgehog

Adam: Gaia, that's a post coffee toy.


Ed: Trust me, you weren't my first choice.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Regatta Day

Scott: I should have brought my vicoden. We could have had such a better time. 

Friday, March 20, 2015

New Career Path

Toby: I'm going to go bedazzle my cardboard sign for 2020.  Most people just use black sharpie.  I'm gonna put glitter on mine.

Thursday, March 19, 2015


Nate: Maybe their top priority should be prioritization.

Unintended Burn

Earl: Mike, you're still a computing focal, right?
Mike: Yeah.
Earl: Well, all the good focals have moved on.
Mike: I can hear you!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Still Going 4 Zero.

Matt: I haven't heard anything about On the Move this year.  Does anyone know anything about it?
Steve: Too dangerous!

Merry Christmas Mug

Pete: I'm ahead of schedule!

Sunday, March 1, 2015


Jen: Do you feel more manly?
Chance: Infinitely.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Board Shorts

Jen: These are cute. 
Chance: Oh! I didn't know I had a pocket. Wait, is this a pocket?
Jen: They're inside out. 
Chance: No wonder they were so hard to lace up!

Friday, February 27, 2015


Jen: How was your ride?
Patrick: I feel like hammered shit. 

Wednesday, February 25, 2015


Jeny: How long you think this will take?
Lizzie: A million years. 

Tuesday, February 24, 2015


Adam: How's work catch up going? Are you going to need to assasinate anyone tomorrow?
Jen: Yes. 
Adam: See -- I can tell when you grind your teeth. 


Adam: How many gold fish do you have in the freezer?
Chance: One. Which I admit is one more than the optimal number!

Hot tub planning

Chance: I have hairy legs now!

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Moto Maintenance

Jen: Did you check the tire pressure?
Adam: No, I got distracted by the bike being on fire. 

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Silver Chain Link

Adam: It's like my chain didn't even move!
Jen: Maybe that's why you were so slow. 

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Full Bladder

Adam: My whole world view is going to change after I pee. 

Tuesday, February 10, 2015


Jon: What do they even do all day?


Bernie: It's Just for Men!
Joel: Maple syrup works in a pinch too. 

Sunday, February 8, 2015


Adam: Hey, I was on my best behavior all day yesterday for like six hours!

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Who fixes problems?

Chance: When I say "the team" I mean "me."

Friday, February 6, 2015


Pat: How'd the test go?
Mark: It was rough. You know, kind of like childbirth. 
Pat: No. I wouldn't know. 

Saturday, January 31, 2015

500 jumpies

Corrie: I told you not to do that with the words out of my mouth, now your ass will remind you. 

Friday, January 30, 2015

Walking the bike.

Jen: Whatcha doin'?
Adam: I heard a funny noise. 
Jen: Zoom! You mean the sound of being passed??

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Boeing vs. Jack in the Box

Steve: Are you suggesting we offer free tacos with our test services?

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

4 year old zinger.

Jeny: You can see the gondola through the fog.
Ethan:  Yeah.  Sorta.

Vendor Discussion

Mark: Is this making sense, or do we sound as inept as I think we might be?

Monday, January 26, 2015

Do I look like George Clooney?

Ed: You need to stop using the TV as a mirror. 

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Hidden Talents

Gaia: I am the Walrus. 


Jen: You need something to do. 
Adam: I'm roasting squash!!

Monday, January 19, 2015

That was the plan 5 hours ago!


Feeling Stabby

Jeff: My management won't let me have scissors. 


Tim: What's the prognosis?
Jen: Doom.
Mark: Fatal.
Tim: So, we're not getting out of this alive?


Trey: Yes, Comrade, I love checklists.



Sunday, January 18, 2015

Like that, but better.

Adam: Manatees from Heaven would crush the shit out of you. 

Who let Trey fly the airplane?

Mark: I had a dream that Trey was flying an airplane and it was crashing.

Friday, January 16, 2015


Ben: Can you still be a stripper if you share a name with a jet company?

Thursday, January 15, 2015


Steve: You've lost control of your team.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Team Data Acq

Pat: So -- two people, who will remain nameless, were having a conversation about this here issue.  one of them asked what value to use and the other said either X or Y.  So I entered X. What you ACTUALLY said was here are two options; one is wrong. Choose wisely.  And I did not.

Friday, January 9, 2015


Mark: Are we still imminent?
Tim: It appears I f**ked something up.

Unmarried Cameraman

Jen: I mean he's cute.  And he drives a Subaru.
Rich: You could save money and he could be the videographer at your wedding.
Jen: Wow, that escalated quickly.
Rich: Hey, we're not getting any younger.

Thursday, January 8, 2015


George: You can't back fill a manager with an engineer, even though that is a promotion.
Jen: Is it though?  Is it?

A pint.

Rich: I found a text that said you ate an entire pint of ice cream.
Jen: This is probable, but unsubstantiated.
Mark: That's not that much ice cream.


Tim: He has a fabulous Cynicism Filter.  Highly tuned.  High Q.  Very fast.  Little delay.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Why are you here?

Tim: What is your purpose in life today?
Jen: Un-f**king what Miller did.
Pat: It's not possible.


Ben: It's better to be the hugger than the huggee.

Saturday, January 3, 2015


Chance: That would be a great name for a football team -- The Nads! Go Nads! Go Nads!


Chance: We are animals... So we should do it like the Discovery Channel.