Thursday, December 24, 2015
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Budgets
Jim: Well, someone pays for it.
Steve: Shareholders pay for it. No one cares about them. Wait -- who's on the phone?
Steve: Shareholders pay for it. No one cares about them. Wait -- who's on the phone?
Monday, December 14, 2015
Photo Share
Becky: Are you sending that photo to EVERYONE?
Jen: Hey -- that's payback for the intern website.
Becky: I was NEVER going to tell you about that!!
Jen: Hey -- that's payback for the intern website.
Becky: I was NEVER going to tell you about that!!
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Facilities
George: I have a roof leak right next to my desk that has accumulated about an inch of water in a cup in the last hour. Kind of like my own personal Chinese torture device.
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Post show sugar high.
Lilly: Summer, the murderous glare in your eyes does not make you more beautiful.
Friday, December 4, 2015
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Half Marathon
Lauren: It's not that early.
Jeny: It is if you're not running 13 miles.
Lauren: Dude, I'm not running that far.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Ben
Bernie: There his is! Get back here you son of a bitch. I said I wanted a document; this is a cable!
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Friday, November 20, 2015
Monday, November 16, 2015
Ogling.
Rich: Anything we can do to help?
Jen: Make me look as good as the creepy old guys think I do.
Friday, November 13, 2015
LLF
Jen: Management detention has begun. Andy spilled his yogurt on Marty already. We told him that's what he gets for bringing in something healthy.
Pat: You said "already" as if a trademark of detention is Andy spilling his yogurt on Marty at some point.
Jen: We're like a bunch of rowdy 8th graders, really.
Pat: You said "already" as if a trademark of detention is Andy spilling his yogurt on Marty at some point.
Jen: We're like a bunch of rowdy 8th graders, really.
Consolation
Jen: I'll text you after a couple beers tonight.
Steve: I'm two weeks beyond that weak stuff.
Steve: I'm two weeks beyond that weak stuff.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
The Presentation
John: Where do you have this thing?
Frank: On my desktop, so you better be nice to me.
Frank: On my desktop, so you better be nice to me.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Boxers or Briefs?
Mark: He says it will take time to work a budget number. WTF. It should be on a list somewhere at his desk. He is probably still in his underwear working from home and can't find it until he puts on his glasses.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Friday, October 30, 2015
Monday, October 26, 2015
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Friday, October 23, 2015
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Cooking together.
Chance: I like being sous chef because I don't have a vision in the kitchen and I like using knives.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Panic Moment
Rich: Did you hear? Ben's brake cable came loose and wrapped itself around the axle on his way home last night.
Ben: Yeah. The brakes stopped working at that point.
Ben: Yeah. The brakes stopped working at that point.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Saturday, October 3, 2015
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Retirement
Anne: You're like 35, right? You're going to be here for another 20 years!
Jeff: And you're like 6, right?
Jeff: And you're like 6, right?
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Safety Zombies
Jay: I was slammed with EHS folks. They came from every corner: Enterprise EHS, BT&E EHS, IASL EHS, etc.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Management Hierarchy
Jen: I assume I overstepped my bounds and will find a pink slip on my desk come morning.
Dave: Somehow I don't think their plans for you will be as quick or painless as a simple pink slip.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Autumn
Mark: The sky is blue and I can feel fall is on the way. I love this time of year. Things are starting to rot.
Sunday, September 20, 2015
I am invincible!
Ryan: Everyone else was in the best shape of their lives. I ran stairs once in April.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Found a body!
Patrick: I'm in a good mood. We have an AOG.
Jen: You're like a sick homicide detective.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Monday, September 7, 2015
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Incompetence Competition
Jen: I think Finance and Transportation are trying to see who can do their job worse.
Dave: What about IT?
Dave: What about IT?
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Monday, August 31, 2015
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Upcoming Testing
Tim: November is rapidly approaching.
Ben: Isn't it approaching at the usual rate: one second per second?
Ben: Isn't it approaching at the usual rate: one second per second?
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Friday, August 14, 2015
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Friday, July 31, 2015
Woman of my dreams.
Bob: I've moved on. To Rachel Myers.
Andrew: I've heard about Rachel. Much better choice.
Bob: Yeah. On account of her not being married.
Roommate & Guest
Bob: You wanna play a joke on Zana?
Andrew: No. I don't want to get the shit beat out of me.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
Friday, July 17, 2015
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Quality Leader
Dan: You'll notice that Marshall's shirt is always untucked a little. It's so Steve can grab the tails and hang on.
Monday, July 13, 2015
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Delegate.
Matt: Can you cover for me in PtP Monday?
Jen: Sure. I'll be there anyway. Hopefully we won't disagree on anything so I don't have to argue with myself.
Matt: Oh, I do that all the time. Sometimes I even win!
Jen: Sure. I'll be there anyway. Hopefully we won't disagree on anything so I don't have to argue with myself.
Matt: Oh, I do that all the time. Sometimes I even win!
Everything is Terrible.
Trey: That sounds like a crisis!
Jen: Everything is a crisis. I'm not impressed.
Jen: Everything is a crisis. I'm not impressed.
Friday, July 3, 2015
Thursday, July 2, 2015
They were salty.
Jen: Gaia is kinda like the kid out in right field with her glove in the air.
Chance: I was almost that kid. Except I was chewing on my glove laces and staring at the ground.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Friday, June 12, 2015
Strategic Council Haikus by Ed
So much dialogue
But so little accomplished
Strategic Council
Deep dive, synergize
Strategize and optimize
Z’s make me sleepy
Stratus deck beats the
PowerPoint deck every time
The mountain is out
Nouns morph into verbs
Corporate speak trashes language
English majors cringe
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Processes
Don: We take shoddy processes to a whole new level.
Mark: That's right -- every time time someone implements a bad process, we get a royalty.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Monday, May 25, 2015
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Pink Panty Droppers
Scott: Charlie and I are making mixed drinks. We'll need a fifth of vodka, a six pack of tall boys -- preferably Keystone Light...
Jeny: Oh, you are on your f--king own!
Monday, May 18, 2015
Washing and Rigging
Isabel: Is there anything that needs doing?
Jeny: The JV Boys need babysitting.
Isabel: Anything else?
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Monday, May 11, 2015
Monday, April 27, 2015
Everyone calls it The Junk and who am I to judge?
Kaitlin: Coby, who told you to do this workout -- Satan??
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Monday, March 30, 2015
Communicating Clearly
Tony: I understand why they wouldn't allow kicking here at work, but punching? We need to bring that back.
Jen: I'd settle for a classic face slapping.
Tony: Nothing says clear communication like a good ol' crack across the lippers.
Jen: I'd settle for a classic face slapping.
Tony: Nothing says clear communication like a good ol' crack across the lippers.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Friday, March 27, 2015
Victim vs. Creator
Melody: I threw my rock out the window.
Pete: I hope it didn't hit anyone!
Melody: I was trying.
Charles: I was too far away.
Pete: I hope it didn't hit anyone!
Melody: I was trying.
Charles: I was too far away.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Sunday, March 22, 2015
DYAC
Jeny: I think you texted me instead of your wife.
Coby: Oh shit. What did I say? .... Charlie would like an Americano... Wink wink.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Friday, March 20, 2015
New Career Path
Toby: I'm going to go bedazzle my cardboard sign for 2020. Most people just use black sharpie. I'm gonna put glitter on mine.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Unintended Burn
Earl: Mike, you're still a computing focal, right?
Mike: Yeah.
Earl: Well, all the good focals have moved on.
Mike: I can hear you!
Mike: Yeah.
Earl: Well, all the good focals have moved on.
Mike: I can hear you!
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Still Going 4 Zero.
Matt: I haven't heard anything about On the Move this year. Does anyone know anything about it?
Steve: Too dangerous!
Steve: Too dangerous!
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Board Shorts
Jen: These are cute.
Chance: Oh! I didn't know I had a pocket. Wait, is this a pocket?
Jen: They're inside out.
Chance: No wonder they were so hard to lace up!
Friday, February 27, 2015
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Moto Maintenance
Jen: Did you check the tire pressure?
Adam: No, I got distracted by the bike being on fire.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Friday, February 6, 2015
Comparison
Pat: How'd the test go?
Mark: It was rough. You know, kind of like childbirth.
Pat: No. I wouldn't know.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
500 jumpies
Corrie: I told you not to do that with the words out of my mouth, now your ass will remind you.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Walking the bike.
Jen: Whatcha doin'?
Adam: I heard a funny noise.
Jen: Zoom! You mean the sound of being passed??
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Monday, January 19, 2015
Prognosis
Tim: What's the prognosis?
Jen: Doom.
Mark: Fatal.
Tim: So, we're not getting out of this alive?
Jen: Doom.
Mark: Fatal.
Tim: So, we're not getting out of this alive?
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Who let Trey fly the airplane?
Mark: I had a dream that Trey was flying an airplane and it was crashing.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Monday, January 12, 2015
Team Data Acq
Pat: So -- two people, who will remain nameless, were having a
conversation about this here issue. one of them asked what value to use
and the other said either X or Y. So I entered X. What you
ACTUALLY said was here are two options; one is wrong. Choose wisely. And I did not.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Unmarried Cameraman
Jen: I mean he's cute. And he drives a Subaru.
Rich: You could save money and he could be the videographer at your wedding.
Jen: Wow, that escalated quickly.
Rich: Hey, we're not getting any younger.
Rich: You could save money and he could be the videographer at your wedding.
Jen: Wow, that escalated quickly.
Rich: Hey, we're not getting any younger.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
VLO
George: You can't back fill a manager with an engineer, even though that is a promotion.
Jen: Is it though? Is it?
Jen: Is it though? Is it?
A pint.
Rich: I found a text that said you ate an entire pint of ice cream.
Jen: This is probable, but unsubstantiated.
Mark: That's not that much ice cream.
Jen: This is probable, but unsubstantiated.
Mark: That's not that much ice cream.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Why are you here?
Tim: What is your purpose in life today?
Jen: Un-f**king what Miller did.
Pat: It's not possible.
Jen: Un-f**king what Miller did.
Pat: It's not possible.
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