Saturday, December 31, 2011

Brown Turtle Cats

Mary: I'm hungry so I'll pick a fight with my girlfriend.

Friday, December 30, 2011


Jen: You can't overdose on meat.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Hair Styles

Jeny:  I'm getting my hair colored in the morning, but I probably won't do anything too drastic, because I probably won't keep going in every six weeks to keep it up.
Adam:  You won't?  This relationship is so over.
Jeny:  Well, I mean... wait, really?

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Green Bay Game

Dad:  Look at that, look at that!  They just let that guy take a 45-mile yard run!

A Drink

Grandma: Do you have any hard liquor?

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Midway Physique

Adam:  You're not even gonna recognize me.  I'll be so round and plump.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

11 from 2011

Top Eleven Things I learned in 2011:
1. Just because you're really good friends doesn't mean you would make a really good couple.
2. Expectations can ruin just about anything.
3. A couple of glasses of Chianti and shoes that make you feel sexy are a winning combination.
4. Pick you battles.  Compromise, but don't announce that you just did.
5. Love & accept people for all that they are.  Your idea of "perfect" doesn't exist - not even in yourself.
6. A first date that leaves you giddy for days is probably the start of something good.
7. Throw out your to-do list for a while.  All those things will be waiting for you when you get back.  Drink champagne, make a mess of the kitchen, stay up late, sleep in, snuggle, relax... just be.
8. Grief doesn't go away.  It hides under the surface and the right combination will bring it out and you'll be sitting in the locker room at work, unexpectedly crying your eyes out.
9. Dogs are mortal beings.  And losing one sucks.  They truly do become members of the family.
10.  Hearing your parents cry is one of the hardest things in the world.
11. You don't need to win to prove something.  But it sure does help.

SDL with Beer

Tim:  You're giggling again.
Jen:  You're TALKING again.


Jen: Did you just use "good" and "flight test person" in the same sentence?
Pat: Yes, that good FT person is hanging out with the unicorns and leprachauns.


Pat: That was when I was 18 - I was more defined than Webster's dictionary.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Chain of Command

Joe:  You must rank higher than me, I didn't get that email yet.
Mark: I do.

Thursday, December 15, 2011


Patrick: What the F---.  This is a waste of time.

Monday, December 12, 2011


Adam:  I'm a professional!  Professional what?  Professional marmot farmer!


Lauren: I need to stay north of the Mason Dixon Line.
Kelly:  You mean the IHOP-Waffle House line?
Lauren: Yeah, fat kids don't do heat well.


Kelly:  Oh yes, I am Polish.

This Is What We Call A Healing Crisis

Don:  I looked at my socks and I nearly cried.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


Adam: Part of my job is making sure the tsunami shelther is ready.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


Mark:  Master Mangus.  Alias - Evil Genius.


Jen:  Did you tell Gary that I tried (but failed) to stage that coup yesterday?  He's not answering any of my emails now.
Don:  I just told him you hated him.  I didn't mention the coup.


Don:  That guy walks around with his own Barry White soundtrack.

Monday, December 5, 2011

IT Guy

Mark:  Asking Rob to do any work is like asking my cat to help do the laundry.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Aunt Peg

PW: Hey kid, no you can't eat chalk.  And if you're going to cry about it, go in the corner, I don't want to trip over you.

PW: I want to show you my new kitchen tools.  [Ball peen hammer & screwdriver.]  Oh, this still has chocolate on it from last time!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Out Sick

Jen:  You gonna show your face today?
Don:   Eh.  Maybe briefly.
Jen:  Miller says he doesn't want your bugs.
Don:  That's the only reason I'd come in.

May Be Bad

Pat: I red tagged your jeep.  There's a low cupcake frequency and I figured it must be related to the delivery system.

Monday, November 14, 2011


Tim:  You can't just have a couple of guys slapping at each other - you need a real fight!  And how do you sell tickets to a mud wrestling match?
Jen: Women in bikinis, that's how.

Friday, November 11, 2011


Tracy:  Martha. Stewart.
Jeny: That bitch.
Kevin:  Rot in Hell.

Thursday Night

Chance:  I'm so glad you called.  If you hadn't I would have gone to Fred Meyer to pick up batteries for my boat lights, and a pint of ice cream.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Weekend Support

Phil: Well, then let's get Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny to support next weekend because I'm sure as hell not.

Unfortunate Accident

Don:  You want to help me move a piano?

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Windows 7


Getting Old

Tim:  I threaten you with FATE!

Making Space

Jen:  I'll have to move these wedges.
John:  Yes, move them to the hallway with the other wedges.  Then they won't be lonely.  They've been missing each other.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Mark:  He's the only dude on his floor.  In fact, the only dude with a single room too!  I don't know why he wants to come home for the weekend.  Maybe he's tired.


Pat:  I will be so glad when they're done with this.  It's so f-ing loud.
Jen:  It will be great - they're turning it into a f-ing park.
Pat:  That will be f-ing beautiful.
Jen:  That's f-ing right.
Pat:  Why are we f-ing cursing?
Jen:  I don't f-ing know.  You started it.
Pat:  Oh yeah.  Well, I'm going to f-ing end it.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Company Vehicles

Mitch:  The Dodge has a check engine light on.  And makes a funny noise sometimes.  But don't take it to automotive, because I don't want to be stuck with the Ball-less Wonder and have to use that.  Especially if we're in a hurry.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Grizzly Behavior

Zana:  I would never give a Grizzly my Subaru.  That indeed WOULD be bad.

40 Years of Drinking

Richard:  I should not be eligible for a liver transplant.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Weekend Work

Phil:  Don't worry, I'll be on call.  With my phone off.

Thursday, October 27, 2011


Jim: I found that 27 times is necessary for the common person to grasp a concept.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Mt. Cruiser

Adam:  Aw, we should have brought some snow back down with us.
Jen: But would it still be snow at this point?
Adam:  We could have packed it in ice.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Waiting Up

Adam:  That wasn't waiting up!  That was sleeping on the couch waiting for the dog to bark.  Waiting up is watching reruns of MacGyver with toothpicks holding your eyelids open with the epipen poised just in case you do fall asleep.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Working the Holidays

Hang Time

Don:  He could suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Computer Upgrade

Don:  Wait, do you have 64-bit Matlab installed?
Jen: I have no Matlab versions installed.  I sent screen shots of the failed installation process to Kung Fu Sonny who is "helping" me with this.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Adam:  I've already ran five miles and had a full breakfast.  And then I practiced tuba for an hour.  And pulled orphans out of a burning building.  And planted a tree.  What have you done?

Monday, October 17, 2011

Tall cabinets

Phil: Have you hugged a cabinet today?  I was wondering what you were doing - having sex with a cabinet like that is bad for you.  You should at least lay it down on the floor so you can look it in the eye.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Taco Burps

Curtis:  I think I'm going to spit up a f-ing alien here in a minute.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Carniverous Carp

Joe: Did you hear about the electric fence they're building in the Chicago River?
Jen: That sounds like a horrible idea.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Anna Meares

Sile: Have you ever seen such an ass, is that what it takes to sprint like that?  Mother of God!
Jeny: That's right!  You're gonna need some more junk in your trunk.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Group Meeting

Mark: Blah blah blah blah....
Don: He needs to be concise.
Jen: He needs to be bacon sized?
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Monday, September 12, 2011


Mike:  Instrumentation, TD....  Hey, since I'm sitting back here now, what's the command line prompt to start Angry Birds?

Saturday, September 10, 2011


Stu: You know, you can use my shower too.
Jen: Nah, it's cool. All three of us fit on this one just fine.
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Riding with Pete

Zana: Let's f-ing attack him.
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Saturday, August 27, 2011

Mt. Jupiter

Niki: If loving the shade is wrong, I don't wanna be right!
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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

We've been here.

Adam: Ah, yes! I recognize this tree.
Jen: What? You smell yourself on it?

Monday, August 22, 2011


Adam: The truth is you cam always go faster. But sometimes the truth hurts.
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Saturday, August 20, 2011

Gluten Free

Sile: I was going to stop and pick up some sandwiches but then I thought to myself, "that little wench doesn't eat bread!"
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Friday, August 19, 2011

Annoying Song

Mitch: Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Jen: Yes. Actually I do wish my girlfriend was hot like you, Mitch. You have no idea how many times a day I think that.
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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Man, Peer Pressure

Alison: I will be off the back from turn one.  My ego will take the beating for your upgrade.  Get Jo out there.  If I have to suffer, she does, too.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


Arun: What's taking so long? The airplane was ready.
Rob: The squirrels are upset.
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Monday, August 8, 2011


Adam: Quick, take the last of the burger, put the guacamole on it and eat it so I don't have to.
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Thursday, August 4, 2011


Chance: I'm not a paleo archeologist, but I'm also not a dumbass.
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Best. Friend. Ever.

Chuck, may you find sticks to chew and bunny rabbits to chase in doggie heaven. You will be missed.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Van 2239

Mitch: This is a gutless van. It has no balls. ZERO.
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Tuesday, August 2, 2011


Jen: I'm still trying to figure out how to be lazy in these bike races.
Tim: Don't enter.
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Sunday, July 31, 2011


Don: Where are we headed next?
Jen: Hell Don, straight to Hell.
Don: Well, duh. But what's the intermediate step?
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TM on Sunday

Phil: How's your Sunday?
Mark: Just as good as Monday!
Don: No. It's $6.50 better!!
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Scott: We had to throw Silas in the shower because he was covered head to toe in chocolate.
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Iowa Storms

Scott: Cecil would not relinquish his chainsaw!
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Friday, July 29, 2011


Jen: Oh boy, you know what happens when Phil starts drooling.
Don: People start slipping.
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Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Pio: That's what I meant by default.
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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Sorry, Phil

Don: All part of Operation: No Fog Lights.
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Don's Fortune

You will die penniless and alone, with lots of cats.
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Naked Juice

Phil: Gently pasteurized? They rub its back while they pasteurize it. Very scientific.
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Thursday, July 21, 2011

Meat Fest

Brad: That's just what I need, a big ol piece of meat slathered in sugar. Then I'll lay there like an anaconda and just let it ferment.
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Monday, July 11, 2011


Zana:  I wish I was a badass Honey Badger. Then I would be impervious to alcohol toxins.  And I wouldn't give a shit.

Thursday, July 7, 2011


Guy:  I saw you guys forming up at the back of the pack there and I was like, "huh, uhuh-huh, I know how this movie plays out."

Warm Up Circle

Sile:  Hey, get back on your side of the bed!

Thursday, June 23, 2011


LJ:  Take a look at Miller and take a look at me.  Then tell me who you thinks eats more burgers.

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Tim:  Does anyone work around this place?
Jen:  NO.  They just walk around asking stupid questions.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Team Sports

Zana: I'm heading to the track tonight to watch the races.
Jeny: Fabulous.  Then you can see me bitch-slap Alexie if she gets out of line again.
Zana: Why ELSE do you think I'm going?  FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!
Jeny: Unfortunately, I don't think blood bounces on the track like it does on the ice.
Zana:  I wouldn't let that stop you.

Deterring Criminals

Phil:  You can buy bags of lady bugs online, I wonder if you can buy bags of black mamba snakes too.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Relationship Bookends

Adam:  I may have had her at "hello" but I lost her at "pigeons are tasty."

Friday, May 27, 2011

Dirt Cake

Jeny:  Hey Susan, you're from Wisconsin.  Do you know what dirt cake is?
Susan: No...  what is it?
Jeny: Basically crushed up oreos layered with chocolate pudding served in a plastic pot.
Susan:  Oh no Jeny, no no no no no no no!!!

Sunday, May 22, 2011


Pat: I ate sushi in Ohio. What risks did you take today?
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Tuesday, May 17, 2011


Phil: I warned the girl that my tongue gets all crazy when it's full of novocaine.
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Sunday, May 8, 2011


Dad: I worked outside too but I didn't shower because I'm a manly man.
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Wednesday, April 27, 2011


Jen: Who's Melissa?
Bernie:  Oh, um, yeah, she's the, uh, OTHER girl I'm helping write her thesis.
Jen: You two-timing son of a bitch.


Curtis: Can you guys keep it down over here? I'm trying to listen to this propaganda.
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Monday, April 25, 2011


Phil: What is it?
Jen: Quinoa. Kinda like rice.
Phil: Where's it from?
Jen: Africa?
Phil: Probably has ebola in it. If you turn into a monkey I'll know.
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Saturday, April 16, 2011


Dan:  Well, at least you're empathizing with a T-Rex right now.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Adam:  You wanna ice-axe me in the kidney?

Life After College

Jason: I've done my best phone interviews after a couple of beers.

Jen and John

Jen: What's in my pocket?
John: Phil's roll.
Phil: I need a break.
Jen: It's called retirement, Phil.
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Friday, April 8, 2011

Fitting data

Charlie: Why do it half assed when you can be a complete ass?
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Mark: Anyone else want some bean dip eraser?
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Sunday, April 3, 2011


John: That sounds like my relationship with eggs Benedict.
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Tuesday, March 29, 2011


John:  No, Jen's Spiderman.  You're like Mosquito Girl.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

One year

Paul:  I haven't seen cat poo in the garden in three hundred and sixty five days.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Epic Ales

Jan: Are they too cool for your brewery, sweetie?
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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Old technology

Tim: No one answered my emails.
Joe:  Let's try the old-fashioned way.
Tim:  Carrier pidgeon?  Or... one if by land, two if by sea?
Joe:  Or the phone, let's just go back one century.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

What's the plan?

Phil:  What's going on?  Are we going over there in a few minutes?
Jen:  I don't know.  I thought you were in charge of this operation.
Phil:  I'm eating a banana.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Eating habits

Phil: I try not to eat breakfast. I know what will happen. Beer is bad enough. You eat breakfast too and you're done for.
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Friday, March 4, 2011


Tim: Uh oh. NASA crashed a rocket into the ocean.
Jen: What?
Tim: Yeah, that's not outer space.
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Thursday, March 3, 2011

More TM fun

Phil: You know you can hypnotize pigeons that way.
Tim: Jesus Phil, why do you know that?
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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Tuesday night trivia

Cole: I guess I shouldn't holler at bitties. I guess I shouldn't call them bitties either, huh?
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Sunday, February 27, 2011

There's a difference.

Don: I'm not cynical, I'm just tired of this shit.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Zana: I would like to impart my infinite metric imperial f*ck ton of wisdom here: boys are stupid.
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Saturday, February 19, 2011

Pick up Lines

Rob:  Manny thinks I should get a tshirt that says "I'm a rocket scientist.  Wanna see my rocket?"  With an arrow pointing to my crotch.
Jen: Really?
Manny:  YEAH!!
Alexis: I bet that would be *really* successful.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Testing with Phil

Jen:  Phil!  If you don't shut up, we'll all be here 'til next Tuesday!  Quit running your mouth and go start the test.

Phil:  I think I have a utility that will do that.  But it's been so long since I've made a mistake I'll have to relearn how to use it.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Running Quote of the Day

Pat:  Helicopters with guns are ALWAYS better than helicopters without guns.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Apple Pie a la Phil

Phil:  I have to make an apple pie tonight.
Jen: Why?
Phil:  I don't know.  Because I make an apple pie once a week.  Keeps me busy.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Happy Birthday Bernie

Fred:  Oh, Bernie, it's your birthday?  How old are you?
Bernie:  18 + 21.
Fred:  Oooh, next year is the big one.  Are we doing anything?
Bernie:  Um, sure.  We can have cake!
Fred:  Oh, I thought maybe we'd go to Vegas.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Ignore Jason Mode

Jason:  Phil.  Hey Phil.  Phil!
Jen: Phil, Jason's calling your name.
Phil:  I don't care.
Jen: Did he piss you off?
Phil:  No.  Today I just don't care.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

A chat with Zana

Jeny: I should be able to accommodate all the women, but you can't invite the boys because there is certainly not room.
Zana: Boys are not invited. They're stinky.
Jeny: And have cooties!
Zana: No shit.
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Back to Pax?

Mark:  Hi James... gee I sure do miss going to Pax.
Jen:  Can it, Miller!
Tim:  Mark, you lying sack of shit.
Mark:  Well, there's some folks sitting around me who don't feel the same way.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Joe:  Wait, why is it good luck?
Jeny:  I think that it's just something people say to make you feel better about a bird pooping on you.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Women's ride to Burien

Zana:  I didn't want to hit the bottom of this hill at 35mph with a soft front tire.  Be careful too guys, there's a little off camber section near the bottom.

[One giant descent later.]

Jeny:  You know Zana, I got about halfway down the hill and thought to myself:  I don't know what "off camber" means.  This could be bad.

Wisdom of the SDL Shop

Brad:  I drank a lot of beer in high school and I did a lot of drugs too.  Now I come here, sit at this table, work the accels for you guys.  They pay me a lot of money too.  Life is pretty good for me.  You - you're all stressed out.  You are a victim of your own life choices.

Friday, January 28, 2011


Mark:  Oh, I'm suppose to be aware?  You want me to be aware?  Ok, I'll be aware.  This is me being aware.  I am so full of aware right now.  I am dripping with aware.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Rich: I'm reading my palm.
Jen: What's it say?
Rich: That I cut myself.
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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Working with Noise

Curtis: Where the hell is my scientific calculator!!!
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Green Bay

Gary: You know, those guys who paint themselves up look pretty silly, but the Cheese-hats are really the most ridiculous of all.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

A token of appreciation

Peter: I'd get you guys Tully's cards, but you don't have them down here.
Jason: No, all we have is the bikini baristas down the street.
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Friday, January 21, 2011

New Lights

Tim:  It's brighter in here right?  I don't like it.  I can't work like this.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

11 for 2011

Jen's goals - or resolutions as some my call them - for the coming year.

1. Get a monthly massage.  Focus on keeping my back healthy.
2. Communicate better and continue to grow in the relationships that are important to me.
3. Reduce grain, dairy & sugar intake.
4. Finish this damn thesis.
5. Operate on a budget and make financially responsible decisions.
6. Improve at-desk posture.
7. Institute a weekly "community" gathering, i.e. movie nights, summer pitchers of sangria in the backyard, Sunday morning brunch potlucks.  Invite all my friends.
8.  Build myself a hot tub!
9.  Incorporate a commute to work in ways that aren't driving my car: bike, bus or carpool.
10.  Take more pictures.  Bake more cookies.  Go to more concerts.  (But first finish that thesis.)
11.  Be more spontaneous; don't get into a daily/weekly/monthly rut of doing the same things over and over.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Joel & Charlie

Joel: ... and then you come in here, and walk over to this table, and load it, test it, load it, test it...
Bernie:  They sound like an old married couple right?  So which one of you is sleeping on the couch tonight?
Joel: [points to Charlie.]
Charlie:  Who SAT in this chair last?  What is WRONG with you??  I'M not sleeping on any couch. 

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Changing a tire

Zana: Three greatest inventions ever - duct tape, zip ties and Coca Cola.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

A conversation with Bernie

Bernie:  So you have two options.
Jen: 1) Go sit at Rayleigh.  2) Quit.
Bernie: No, 2 is wrong.
Jen: Dammit.
Bernie:  Your score is 50%.
Jen: 50% = Fail.
Bernie: Sory that's a failing grade.  But wait!  You get extra credit for being lovable.  So you get a 66%.
Jen: Yesssssss!
Bernie: Pass!
Jen: Wait, that means I can't quit.

Lab Dating Scene

Patrick:  Hmm, if I *were* dating George, then I could ask him to do something about Mitch.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Computer Games

Joe: Capture the flag is so much more fun with guns.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Age digs

Jaami:  Hey Jeny, this is Phil Collins.  Thought you might be a little young to recognize him.

Jaami: I think I'm sore from last night's workout.
Lisa: What did you do?