Love

Andrea: I like you because you wear wool on flannel.

Walker

Randy: It's Govenor Asshole in this household. 

Nightly News

Andrew: Bao Bao the panda is ok!

Hard Iced Tea

Mom: If you don't like that, I have Percocet. 

Baggage Claim

Andrew: I think the machine that tears the handles off the luggage broke so they're doing it by hand.

Phó

Andrea: Did you hear that? It was my stomach making laser sounds. 

While I haven't seen her do it...

Ewa: I know she's eating the carpet because there are holes in it and she poops carpet pieces. 

Rusty Bolt

Adam: What attitude does the bike have at rest?

Jen: Sassy!

Complete

Jeff: Does everyone know what 'conformity' means?

Morning booze consumption.

Kate: I was vertical and all my words were separated. 

Good thing it wasn't a tattoo.

Richard: This is what happens when you get your hair cut after four beers. 

Thanking the Fans

Dave: Well, you've had your fun. I gotta go. 

Trendy

Matt: That was sooo 600 emails ago.

Northwest Centric

Matt: If we sneeze, the rest of the capability gets a cold.

Playing nice.

Mark: MY BOX.  MY SAND.  MY TOYS.

Format Painter

Jim: I love that tool. Almost as good as velcro.