Go 4 Zero

John: We have a great safety record on this floor!
Mark: Oh yeah!
Jason: Didn't you sit on a tack one time?
Mark: Oh. Yeah..

Language Barrier

Pat: I just speak a different dialect.  It's called educated.

Montana

Zana: I'm a passenger. Of course I'm drinking a beer. 

I'll call myself an athlete, but that's a stretch.

Adam: I just figured out the difference between climbing and cycling parties. At climbing parties we do pull ups. At cycling parties we weigh ourselves. 

Hydrocodone

Adam: Have you ever stood on a low step stool and said, wow -- the world looks so different from here!

Adult Pool Parties

Mikey:  It was amazing.  People were jumping naked from the Ethel Merman clamshell into the pool.  I had to apologize to Thor, the building manager.  He said, Michael -- that was the most fun that pool has seen in a DECADE.  You EARNED that citation!

Becky

Mark: Anyone who can maintain a cheerful demeanor while riding in this clown car is indeed awesome.

Picnic eats

Jen: I need some alcohol to soak up this food!

Percentage Complete

Adam:  How many do you have left?
Jen: Two-thirds.
Adam: Out of how many?
Jen:  Three-thirds.

Alter of Whiskey

Laura: Best to come at the altar sideways-- head on, the altar usually wins.

Data

Chance: Who gives a f--- about a billionth of a cent?

Corgies

Jen: Those dogs are all butts. 

Joel & Joe

Joel: If there was a Miss America of Assholes, you'd be the first runner-up. 

Motorcycle Gang Names

Chance: I vote for "Lost Boys" because then you get to wear onesies with ears & paws.