Logical Conclusion

Nickie: I'm up seven pounds.
Jeny: My pants don't fit right now.
Nickie: Well, clearly -- we make each other fat.

Breakfast Order

Waitress: Do you want berries on your oatmeal?
Matt: Oh hell no. I hate berries and everything they stand for.

Ending the Pension

Jen: That's not really a good way to make flying machines.

Low Occupancy

Andy: You could fire a cannon off in the hallway and no one would even know.

Fertilizing an Idea

Pat: You can't simmer. Unless you mean sitting in the dark and plotting your revenge. Then yes, you're good at that.

Newlyweds

Alex: They are a hurricane of emotional terrorism.

Learning Java

Steph: I'm a genius.  That was beautiful.

Pick your battles.

Nickie: I pretty much dominated.  C'mon -- he's three.

Champagne at 5:30a

Jessie: I'm sad and drunk.

Final Project Risk Reduction

Dr. Ron: Well, they're not ALL wrong, but most of them do have a high degree of improvements to be made.

Airplane Fires

Tim: People really want their bags.
Ben: And people are nice enough to wait for them?
Tim: That's where the yelling comes in.
Ben: I think I'd quickly escalate to trampling.

High Viz Clothing

Briana: I'm just reminding people how to stay alive.  Sans disco.

Getting Stood Up

Sean: Did you invite me to a happy hour you're not coming to?
Alex: Why yes, yes I did do that. #oops

Advanced HP35670

Patrick: I'm still trying to figure out how to address the USB port.
Jen: Does it not respond to Sir USB?  I'm pretty sure it was knighted.

Busted Ankle

Trey: I'm your one-legged man.  Are you ready for the ass kicking contest?

GCF

Mark: He's a turd that will rise to the surface over and over.

Foam Chair Pillows

Mark: If I fart on them, I can throw them out.
Tim: Why wait?

Joe's Head

Ben: This guy needs a bump cap, because I found out yesterday he's had seven concussions.
John: All since you started working here?

Caryn Davies

Susanna: She's MAN FAST!

Baby Boomer Tendencies

Susanna: So do you have a sports car, then?
Stacie: Oh yeah.  If by "sports car" you mean "Honda Fit."