Desk Drawer

Gary:  Oh look!  There's a candy bar from 1960!

New Processes

Don: What could be simpler than doing nothing?  I'm the master at that.

Mimosas & Meat Snacks

Arthur: Table for four!!

Pedestrian traffic

Jo: I haven't been hit by a bus in a week!

Give chase.

Phil:  Soon you'll be old too and it'll be like two starfish chasing each other.

Pushy Sales People

Jen:  We've been surrounded!  LMS is over there and over there.
Mark:  Shoot 'em.

The Intern

Jen: Are you following me?
Justin:  Yeah.
Jen: I'm going to the girls' bathroom.
Justin: Be right there!

... And there you were

Hainz: Say it.
Jen: I was just thinking about you --
Hainz: I think about you every day.

Venn Diagram

Jen: You know, every time you're a jerk I go back to that venn diagram that says girls who are pretty, smart and funny only date assholes and I feel good about myself.
Adam:  I don't think that's quite how the chart was meant to be interpreted.

Not enough

Ben: You're making eight cupcakes?

Climbing partners

Adam: Boobies help.

Working together rant

Jen:  Stop asking us about lightning protection.  WE know what we're doing.  YOU don't know what you're doing, and I respect that, but WE do know what we're doing.

Bringing the right food.

Patrick:  Is that a sandwich?
Jen:  Yes.
Patrick:  Why is it NOT the almond cherry chocolate clusters?

Proving Yourself

John:  I'm confident, right?  I'm confident!!
Jen:  No, you're arrogant.
John:  Yeah, but how often am I wrong?

Go Team

Jen: How many of these guys also think you can get a baby in month by getting nine women pregnant?
Pat:  I first thought 75%, but then I challenged myself and came up with 100%.

Dangerous Kitchen

Adam:  Ow!  Did you see that?  Your fridge just PUNCHED me.

Identity

Eric:  Where's the pretty one?
Don:  I'm right here.
Eric:  No, the blonde one.
Don:  Oh!  You mean the one with the bad haircut.

Labor

Tim:  There's always narcotics.

Prevalence

Tim:  If you were to line up a hundred cakes, I bet you only two of them would be gluten free.

Timing

Jo:  Omg!! I just was checking email and you hadn't written --- and then magic boop - there it was!!!