Dick's

LJ:  Take a look at Miller and take a look at me.  Then tell me who you thinks eats more burgers.

Work

Tim:  Does anyone work around this place?
Jen:  NO.  They just walk around asking stupid questions.

Team Sports

Zana: I'm heading to the track tonight to watch the races.
Jeny: Fabulous.  Then you can see me bitch-slap Alexie if she gets out of line again.
Zana: Why ELSE do you think I'm going?  FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!
Jeny: Unfortunately, I don't think blood bounces on the track like it does on the ice.
Zana:  I wouldn't let that stop you.

Deterring Criminals

Phil:  You can buy bags of lady bugs online, I wonder if you can buy bags of black mamba snakes too.

Relationship Bookends

Adam:  I may have had her at "hello" but I lost her at "pigeons are tasty."

Dirt Cake

Jeny:  Hey Susan, you're from Wisconsin.  Do you know what dirt cake is?
Susan: No...  what is it?
Jeny: Basically crushed up oreos layered with chocolate pudding served in a plastic pot.
Susan:  Oh no Jeny, no no no no no no no!!!

Peebles

Pat: I ate sushi in Ohio. What risks did you take today?

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Dentist

Phil: I warned the girl that my tongue gets all crazy when it's full of novocaine.

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Yardwork

Dad: I worked outside too but I didn't shower because I'm a manly man.

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Mentorship

Jen: Who's Melissa?
Bernie:  Oh, um, yeah, she's the, uh, OTHER girl I'm helping write her thesis.
Jen: You two-timing son of a bitch.

Webex

Curtis: Can you guys keep it down over here? I'm trying to listen to this propaganda.

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Quinoa

Phil: What is it?
Jen: Quinoa. Kinda like rice.
Phil: Where's it from?
Jen: Africa?
Phil: Probably has ebola in it. If you turn into a monkey I'll know.

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Sloves

Dan:  Well, at least you're empathizing with a T-Rex right now.

Cribbage

Adam:  You wanna ice-axe me in the kidney?

Life After College

Jason: I've done my best phone interviews after a couple of beers.

Jen and John

Jen: What's in my pocket?
John: Phil's roll.
Phil: I need a break.
Jen: It's called retirement, Phil.

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Fitting data

Charlie: Why do it half assed when you can be a complete ass?

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Trident

Mark: Anyone else want some bean dip eraser?

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Love-Hate

John: That sounds like my relationship with eggs Benedict.

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Kettlebells

John:  No, Jen's Spiderman.  You're like Mosquito Girl.