Luck

Pilot: A cat just ran across the taxiway!  A black f---ing cat.

Pax

Jeny: And then they brought this woman in...
Chad: Could you say that with a little bit more disdain in your voice?

NYC

Eric:  Some people don't like to shit where they eat; I don't like to change where I sleep.

Ireland

Sile: That's right.  If you try to break in to someone's house in Ireland, you'll be leaving with a load of lead in your ass.

Smartass

Andrew:  This is for King of the Mountain points, right?
Jeny:  No one likes a smartass on a hill.

[160 miles later.]

Jeny: Wait, so we do or do not take the St. John's Bridge?
Andrew:  No one likes a smartass at mile 200.

Winlock

Andrew:  I'm not so sure about this town's ability to do math.

STP

Andrew:  Well, we pulled hard for a good 10 miles there.  I'm cool with mooching for the rest of the ride.

John's Truck

John:  Oh, you are about to see the key feature.  OH YEAH!  LOOK AT THAT TURNING RADIUS!  If we had been in a semi, we would have been in that wall!

Volleyball

Nate: Mom, it's called "volleyball" not "knock out little six year olds!"

In the Double

Chris:  Ah yes, Fourth of July weekend.  Or, the Annual Parade of the Nautically Incompetent.

Math in Public

Chris: So on this schedule, you're showing four days of testing - I've been telling the factory we'll need one day of setup, two days of testing and one day of tear down.  Am I misleading them?

Pax Velo Club

Deb: Matt, I saw you riding the other day!
Matt:  Oh yeah, did you say "Woah!  J-Lo is in Southern Maryland!  TERRIFIC."  No, that was just me.  And my ass.
Deb:  I thought you were skinny.  You have a waist, afterall.
Matt:  Yes, I am skinny.  I'm Southern Maryland Skinny.

Richard's Suggestions List

Some suggestions for diversions (without a clue as to where you are):
- take a book to nearest park
- take a book to nearest wine bar
- check out the closest museum, regardless of what it is.
- find nearest karaoke bar, drink then sing. Bonus for getting your colleagues drunk and posting video on facebook.
- find nearest pinball machine, kick its ass
- find a real pool hall (not pub with tables).
- go to nearest movie theatre, see next movie, regardless of what it is. Eat popcorn.
- check out the nearest small airport, have a drink if possible, bonus if they have food. Take pictures of unusual planes, send to Richard
- check out nearest bowling alley, be alert to freak show
- go to walmart and look for the biggest ass (be prepared to be scared)

Audrey

Neal:  Dude, Becker.  What did you say to her?  Because she SMILED at you.

Where do you row?

Marie: Rowing for Sammamish practically makes you a republican.

What's that ringing noise?

Chuck: I'm testing out this male mosquito repellent.  Is it driving you crazy?
Jeny: Well, seeing that I'm not a male mosquito...

Highlights from Flutter Testing

Jason: I became a communist so I wouldn't have to go to Pax.

Tim: Light pink, not gay pink.

The Other Tim: Oh!  You said "table lead sits here."  I heard "table lead buys beer!"

Tim:  Just another lying piece of shit.

Tim: You're not impressed, I can tell.  In fact, you're snarling.

Test Status Board

Mark:  So if something is flashing on here, does that mean I need to toggle my "give a shit" switch from no to yes?  That's really all I need to know.

How Canadians run a regatta

[Read in a thick South African accent.]
Mike: I tell you what you do.  You get out the gun, shoot the kids and get on with the race.

Something about me

Niki: This morning I had to do an icebreaker and write down something about me that no one knew.  I couldn't think of anything, so I said that I had once been bitten by an ostrich.