Update

Toby: We're dealing with our usual catastrophes and disasters, 75% of which aren't actually catastrophes or disasters. 

I love wedding season.

Don: We're going to church; let's put on something tight!

Sign the waiver or...

Frank: They'll be upset, we'll be upset and nobody wants to be upset.

They're ass height!

Don: Why are you having a chair doing a bookcase's job?

Social Media

Jen: I need to spend more time on Twitter. 

Pat: #saidnooneever

Cooking

Jeny: I've rekindled my love affair with my crockpot. 

Claire: Solid romance!

Novice Boys

Margot: I corrall the shit out of them!

Consequences

George: Well, I'm going to beat on you, so do as you like.

Meetings

Jen: The PGB meeting is my FAVORITE.
George: Gag me with a rototiller.

Training

Mark: Are you guys going to be good on fall protection?
Jeanie: You are evil.

Reincarnation

Chance: I bet the life a fruit fly is pretty great. It's all, mmmmm fruit. 

To answer your question...

Jen: What was my question?
Tim: You didn't ask it.

Meeting

Steve: Wait, we're meeting?
John: Yeah, you got out of Performance to Plan, so you have a free hour.  I know you have a free hour.

Arugula

Andrew: Don't call it lettuce. 

Manhattans Tonight

Andrea: And I brought home the cherries, son!

Water = Clear Liquid

Ashley: You get your water in distilled alcohol form. 

Order of Operations

Andrea: You put a hole in the box.

Scout

Ashley: Please hold. This dog doesn't know where she is. 

Budgets

Jim: Well, someone pays for it.
Steve: Shareholders pay for it.  No one cares about them.  Wait -- who's on the phone?

Awkward Pause

Dave: So which is worse -- WFL or this?

Photo Share

Becky: Are you sending that photo to EVERYONE?
Jen: Hey -- that's payback for the intern website.
Becky: I was NEVER going to tell you about that!!

Andrew's Going Away Party

Margot: I dressed up today for you.  I wore a nice shirt and a real bra.

Grizzly Bears

Margot: Why would nature do that!?!?

Facilities

George: I have a roof leak right next to my desk that has accumulated about an inch of water in a cup in the last hour.  Kind of like my own personal Chinese torture device.

Post show sugar high.

Lilly: Summer, the murderous glare in your eyes does not make you more beautiful. 

Dinner choice

Andrew: Great minds think alike. And so do ours. 

Because you had a deficiency in this department.

Mark: Here's another little thought to annoy you!

Physique

Dave: You're thin. 

Pat: I'm not as thin as my running friends.

Dave: Well, you would be!

Half Marathon

Lauren: It's not that early.

Jeny: It is if you're not running 13 miles.

Lauren: Dude, I'm not running that far. 

Ben

Bernie: There his is!  Get back here you son of a bitch.  I said I wanted a document; this is a cable!

Hangouts Meeting

Vishvesh: Is someone at Chuck E Cheese?

Tall Engineers

John: What's the height clearance in the new motorhome?
Ben: Four feet.

Who hit the button?

Ben: Kill Switch One, I'm looking at you!

GVT

John: It's Gatorade!  You start fitting modes, man, and you work up a sweat.

Lunch with Regan

Jen: I need a hug.
Regan: You need tequila.

Ogling.

Rich: Anything we can do to help?

Jen: Make me look as good as the creepy old guys think I do. 

Boeing

Mike: We could run this company better on an ouiji board. 

LLF

Jen: Management detention has begun.  Andy spilled his yogurt on Marty already.  We told him that's what he gets for bringing in something healthy.
Pat: You said "already" as if a trademark of detention is Andy spilling his yogurt on Marty at some point.
Jen: We're like a bunch of rowdy 8th graders, really.

Negotiating Skills

John: I'm negotiating with my team and now I have to go buy beer.

Consolation

Jen: I'll text you after a couple beers tonight.
Steve:  I'm two weeks beyond that weak stuff.

The Presentation

John: Where do you have this thing?
Frank: On my desktop, so you better be nice to me.

Boxers or Briefs?

Mark: He says it will take time to work a budget number.  WTF.  It should be on a list somewhere at his desk.  He is probably still in his underwear working from home and can't find it until he puts on his glasses.

Methods of Travel

Ben: I thought you were going to ninja roll.
Rich: I'm too old to ninja roll.

Candy

George: Anybody want some ibuprofen?

Realization

Keith: Oops, I dropped my banana somewhere.

Final Exam

Steve: You have to pay a toll upon exiting this class. 

Muffins in the Oven

Aditi: You're not supposed to say such things!

Implementing Order Tracking

Tim: It brings on a very strong munch reflex.

Shipping Focal

Tim: I made the mistake of telling him the truth.

Process

Jim: Stop laughing. 

Aim High

John: I've been shot down before.  I know how to go down in flames.

Cooking together.

Chance: I like being sous chef because I don't have a vision in the kitchen and I like using knives. 

Panic Moment

Rich: Did you hear? Ben's brake cable came loose and wrapped itself around the axle on his way home last night.
Ben: Yeah.  The brakes stopped working at that point.

Watch out for that one.

Anne: Hey, I'm behaving!
John: You don't even know what that word means.

LSOS

John: Why do you lie?
Amy: Because it makes me popular.

Prof

Steve: I know I talk fast, but it helps to listen fast.

Hit the button, Bobby.

Bobby: I don't have an "easy" button.  I have an "other" button.

Kitty Accident

Pat: The cat was thinking outside the box. 

JGK

Anne: Well, he's going to have a really big problem.  Named me.

Retirement

Anne: You're like 35, right?  You're going to be here for another 20 years!
Jeff: And you're like 6, right?

Bike Shop Treats

Gaia: There are two classes of things in here: cookies and not-cookies.

Safety Zombies

Jay: I was slammed with EHS folks.  They came from every corner: Enterprise EHS, BT&E EHS, IASL EHS, etc.

Management Hierarchy

Jen: I assume I overstepped my bounds and will find a pink slip on my desk come morning. 

Dave: Somehow I don't think their plans for you will be as quick or painless as a simple pink slip. 

Wardrobe choice

Jen: I'm going running. 

Becky: Girl, not in those boots!

Autumn

Mark: The sky is blue and I can feel fall is on the way.  I love this time of year.  Things are starting to rot.

I am invincible!

Ryan: Everyone else was in the best shape of their lives.  I ran stairs once in April.

Resort at Camp Muir

Ryan: I didn't have to poop in a bag for the whole week!

Found a body!

Patrick: I'm in a good mood. We have an AOG. 

Jen: You're like a sick homicide detective. 

Level 4

Toby: This is retroactive punishment for me. 

Morning liquids.

Katie: I only hydrate with caffeine before nine. 

CST-100 Testing

Adam: I remember the old days, when you just put a monkey in it.

R&M Spending

Jim: This is a stupid chart. 

Incompetence Competition

Jen: I think Finance and Transportation are trying to see who can do their job worse.
Dave: What about IT?

Constant

Jen: What's gravity -- 32 feet per second per second?
Mark: 32.174.

Ha ha!!

Mitch: ...because I was scheduled for vacation over the weekend.

Treats

Jen: Do you want a cupcake?
Mitch: That is a silly question.

Team Shout Outs

Trey: I think she wants us to praise each other. 

Third Row Seat

Mike: This reminds me of my high school days!

Upcoming Testing

Tim: November is rapidly approaching.
Ben: Isn't it approaching at the usual rate: one second per second?

Miller Lite

Andrew: I do love cheap beer. 

Casino Winnings

Andrew: I'd offer to tip, but I only have large bills. 

Screen door. Soap bottle. Towel rack.

Andrew: Why can't I figure out anything?

And I was hungry.

Regan: There's Jell-O shots and then there's tequila Jell-O shots. 

Friends in Canmore

Regan: When in doubt, get the international plan and call Regan. 

Thanks, ass.

Ben: You guys way overdid it last night.

Distinction

Steve: I actually like going to work!  It's the arriving at work that then goes south.

Woman of my dreams.

Bob: I've moved on. To Rachel Myers. 

Andrew: I've heard about Rachel. Much better choice. 

Bob: Yeah. On account of her not being married. 

Roommate & Guest

Bob: You wanna play a joke on Zana?

Andrew: No. I don't want to get the shit beat out of me. 

Bachelorette

Niki: I'm getting the ball and chain tattooed on my neck!

Busted Kickstand.

Adam: My only concern is I'm going to burn my pants...

F2F

Tiran: Can't we just go to sleep?

Tim: Multitasking makes you stupid. 

Quality Leader

Dan: You'll notice that Marshall's shirt is always untucked a little. It's so Steve can grab the tails and hang on. 

Threshold has been established.

Jen: I was so mad I tweeted about it. 

Navigation at Pax

Becky: I knew you followed a road somewhere...

Gang of Old Timers

Evan: Hey, don't beat me up and take my lunch money. 

Delegate.

Matt: Can you cover for me in PtP Monday?
Jen: Sure.  I'll be there anyway.  Hopefully we won't disagree on anything so I don't have to argue with myself.
Matt: Oh, I do that all the time.  Sometimes I even win!

Everything is Terrible.

Trey: That sounds like a crisis!
Jen: Everything is a crisis.  I'm not impressed.

Group Meeting

Jen: Hello.
Tim: Hi.
Rich: And that's when it all went downhill.

Hangry

Jeny: I miscalculated my snacks.

They were salty.

Jen: Gaia is kinda like the kid out in right field with her glove in the air. 

Chance: I was almost that kid. Except I was chewing on my glove laces and staring at the ground.