I've been designing them all day.

Elma: I f-ing hate trees.

Snot rockets.

Zana: I don't know how you even have friends. 

I assigned it to Steve.

Frank: You can blame me and tell them I'm on vacation.

Staff

John: They didn't seem to grasp what we do. At all.

Outdoor Fluids Conference

Toby: Yeah, if we're meeting at the park, I'll bring my kid.  He's seen me drink plenty of times.  Every day -- just to deal with him!

A second cup of tea.

Pat: It's another great day for The Boeing Company.  I'm walking around adding value.

The first penguin.

Tim:  Any whales out there?  Hey Fred, go check it out.  Whelp, yes, I guess there are whales.  Sorry Fred.

Sunshine Bug

Steve: Enjoy the dentist - don't get sunburned!

Hearing Test Results

Rich: They done test our hearing.
Trey: We hear good.

Start Platform

Tiffany: You think it's ok to tie the launch here? How sturdy is it?

Jeny: Tom is sitting on it; should be fine. 

Ref Meeting

Tom: Refs! We're meeting over here!

Letcher: I quit. 

Regatta Roles

Tom: The deputy badge says "idiot."

Buckets of Booze

Patty: You know the Tiff Wood Rule? They have one for Mariah too. 

We call that the "Armageggon Now" Marina

John: That's when management forbid us from talking to the media. 

Leadership

Kate: I hear the last fluids conference was well attended. I'm sorry I missed it! It was scheduled 3 to 5 and people were there until after 10.
Jen: I have no idea who that would have been.

Commitment Level Estimate

Toby: I only bring this up because it will punish us for the next seven years.

The Floggins Continue

Pete:  Are you looking for hope?  There isn't any.

Frosting Opinion

Marty: We probably can’t go too wrong with OSU colors.  I will say that orange and black are not my favorite colors for cake, as black does not taste very good and orange just doesn’t look appetizing.  Black cake frosting consists of way too much food coloring and that ruins the flavor.

Uni

Jen: When it's good, it's reeeeeealy good. But when it's bad, it's really awful. 

Pat: So, it's like the opposite of sex. 

It took 13 to get here this morning.

Zana: Beer -- a standard unit of measure.

Girls Sticking Together

Kate: I have a conflict tomorrow and can't facilitate the meeting.  Anyone want to volunteer?
Dave: I have a conflict too.
Pete: Me too.
Jen: Kate, you need not ask these boys for help.  I've got you covered.
Kate: Glad *someone* does.
Steve: Jen, good observation skills on identifying who the slackers are.

Battery Charging

Adam: Do you have a meter?

Jen: I work in a lab. 

Adam: Right. 

Stabbing myself in the eye...

Mark: You'd have to put your forks in a speed loader.

Lab Rat

Mark: Did the rat have a badge?  How'd he get in?

Yoga Teachers

Anna: Find your calling, because this isn't it.

Unintentional EVM Consequence

Ben: I've been f-ing John since I started.

I'm in to carrots.

Trey: Miller, when can you start being my life coach?

OA Support

Jen:  Your head might explode before she drops dead from a heart attack.
Tim:  That would mean she won.

Origami

Curtis: Can you make an elephant?  I just made a giraffe.  Turns out a giraffe fits inside the camera case.

Instructions

Pete: You guys are obviously not following directions. 

New Safety Standards

Steve: I'm going to walk around with my eyes closed so I don't have to enforce anything. 

Hard Run

Pat: I think I strained a fat muscle.

Superman Pajama Pants

Peggy: She knows how cool I am. 

Too soon?

Adam: Why don't you make like a 777 and get lost?

Helmet stash in the car.

Adam: If a helmet isn't recommended, then it's probably not worth doing. 

Proper grammar.

Adam: I have to pee myself. 

Dog Ownership

Jo: We used to have Goldens. We used to be normal. 

Whitefish Reputation

Zana: If you EVER refer to me as "lovely" walk me out to the back 40 and put knot in my head.

Who's responsible for this power outage?

Chance: My money’s on an angry bear.  I’d be angry too if someone pepper-sprayed my face when all I wanted was a hug.

Safety Glasses Required

Dave: You need to watch out for all those binary bits flying around. They'll get you in the eye!

Support in France

Toby: Oh, I'm not going to work.  I'll just be there to fan the mosquitoes off of you.

Monday Night

Zana: A full bottle of wine is my single serving. 

Comparison

Farmer: David Lee Roth is so much sexier than Katy Perry. 

A boot of beer.

Mandy: I'll going to not get shit-faced by sharing!! That could fail in a hurry...

Driving to Regionals, circa 2008

Bill: My legs hurt.
Matt: Your EGGS hurt?
Bill: Yes.  My eggs hurt, and my fallopian tubes are f-ing killing me.

Welcome to Management

Jen: When do I get my new kool-aid cup?
Melvin:  It's in the mail.  You get free kool-aid all day long!

Steel Toes

Rich:  Can I have permission to go get my own shoes so that I don't have to use the gross old loaner pair of shoes anymore?

Adam's Superpower

Adam: You know what I am? An entropy amplifier. In my presence, entropy accelerates. 

See you in Hell, in half an hour.

Super Pete: Man, I need a hot dog -- or SOMETHING!

Sick Day

Mark:  Bronchitis is only for those who can hack it.

Defined Contribution

Pete: Did anyone know it's Employee Appreciation Day?  80% of my folks are out sick.

Marty:  A number of my employees started getting sick yesterday after hearing the pension news.

Hard Questions

Mark: Got any other questions you don’t want answered? We’re having a flash sale on clueless.

Now I have a craving for falafel.

Jim: What's PITA?
Jen: Pain in the ass.

Not in the Budget

Jim: The disadvantage of doing business is that it costs money. 

Cloning

Gary: We'll just swab his cheek, put it in a test tube with some Miracle Gro, put it in the window - We'll have another Pat by the end of the week!

Skate Ski Ego Boost

Random Skier: You make it look easy!
Jeny: You didn't see me fall on my face a few miles back.
Random Skier: Don't burst my bubble.
Jeny: Ok, then you're right - I'm amazing.

Cards against Jessica

Jessica: Apparently I am losing. 

Couch Nap

Ewa: You missed a lot when you were sleeping. We're ordering crêpes and I'm friends with the cat. 

Bacon Ride

Ewa: You could put bacon on an old boot and it would be good. 

Whitefish

Chance: Oh, it's only minus 20. 

Ski Stickers

Chance: I used to have a stripper. 

Minions

Jen: You are all legal adults. You can vote...

Chance: You can drink and legally carry firearms. I'm going to trust you with this spreadsheet.

Knots

Angela: This is when I start cursing... I need more coffee. 

Evolution

Laura: God said we evolved from mudskippers. 

Glass Ceiling

Pat:  Your paper towel dispenser doesn't put out as much as mine does.  More like 77%.

Adam's iPhone

Dana: Pull up the Olympic sweater, please!

Jon Stewart

Jeny: He brings the New York Times to life for me. 

Management Perks

Jen: I have three hours of staff meetings today. And not the good kind -- not strep throat. 

Feet shot

Adam: I'm officially sick; I'm wearing slippers. 

Late to the Meeting

John: Sorry I'm late.  Did you solve all the world's problems already?
Pete:  Yeah, John you have all the action items.

Bike ride #4

Pat: I wish my seat were made of jello. Or my butt was made of diamonds. 

They both breathe oxygen.

Mark: Pax is just like Kona!

You can get rid of your real friends anytime.

Tim:  Sorry to have to break it to you.  But better me than your real friends.

Grand Ridge

Adam: I was going to lecture you on that later. Now it's later. 

Hey!

Pat:  Hey Tim... T-Dog... Killer T!

Calendar

Jen:  What day is June 30?
Pat:  I guess Wednesday.
Rich:  Monday.
Pat:  Shit.

Al Gore

Jen: Didn't he invent the internet?
Pat: He did.  I was there.

Lists

Jessica: It's all on the sharepoint. There's no hiding now. 

Twitter

Adam: Where else can you tie in British history, Star Wars and medicine?

Back to GVT'ing...

Jen:  Where's Miller?
Rich:  Getting us more beer.

BCS

Adam: There are only three bowls: the Rose Bowl, the Orange Bowl and the... Rose Bowl!

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Mom: I know these songs better than you because I was in elementary school for many years. You were only there for the requisite five. 

Heavy Sigh

Becky: How was Christmas with your grandkids?

Lori: I don't like teenagers. 

Andrew, Technology Genius

Andrew: How do I get the sound to work on this? Oh right - turn up the volume. 

One pair of shoes.

Andrew: I should have brought my cowboy boots for sledding. 

Leopard Socks

Regan: No one has ever said, "pour some cement on you."

Jen: Significantly different than "pour some sugar on me."

Adam's Opinions

Regan: Oh I forgot -- you're on the f'ed up side of the couch. 

Dogs are the shit.

Regan: You just stuck your feet in my face. I'm not rubbing your belly. 

Fork

Adam: What just happened?

Martina: Regan just got a dinglehopper. 

Food Safety for the Holidays

Kelli:  The holidays bring on the most incidents of food poisoning, and they can't all be attributed to my mother.

Cheese is not linear.

Don: Takes me back to sophomore engineering: you have a linear, homogenous, weightless structure. 

Rebels

Jen: Who wants to help me break some rules?
Mark/Tom/Tim: I do!

Dave the Muppet

Dave: You know what I just discovered? YouTube!

GRE

Pat: I'm a one trick pony and it's calculus. 

After Dinner

Regan: Can we take these cookies and go upstairs?

The Flaming Nard in the Sky

Regan: I found my legs in the plumbing department. 

Traffic Pattern

Adam: It's difficult to get across Green Lake. 

Regan: Unless you had a hovercraft. 

The 'Burb

Emily: This baby corners like she's on rails. 

Mike: I've drifted it before!

Why would you hide?

Mike: If I were Bigfoot, I'd be like "look at me, I'm f-ing Bigfoot!"

Mike's Kitchen

Adam: It's ok. We have coriander. Let the zombies come.