Unintentional EVM Consequence

Ben: I've been f-ing John since I started.

I'm in to carrots.

Trey: Miller, when can you start being my life coach?

OA Support

Jen:  Your head might explode before she drops dead from a heart attack.
Tim:  That would mean she won.

Origami

Curtis: Can you make an elephant?  I just made a giraffe.  Turns out a giraffe fits inside the camera case.

Instructions

Pete: You guys are obviously not following directions. 

New Safety Standards

Steve: I'm going to walk around with my eyes closed so I don't have to enforce anything. 

Hard Run

Pat: I think I strained a fat muscle.

Superman Pajama Pants

Peggy: She knows how cool I am. 

Too soon?

Adam: Why don't you make like a 777 and get lost?

Helmet stash in the car.

Adam: If a helmet isn't recommended, then it's probably not worth doing. 

Proper grammar.

Adam: I have to pee myself. 

Dog Ownership

Jo: We used to have Goldens. We used to be normal. 

Whitefish Reputation

Zana: If you EVER refer to me as "lovely" walk me out to the back 40 and put knot in my head.

Who's responsible for this power outage?

Chance: My money’s on an angry bear.  I’d be angry too if someone pepper-sprayed my face when all I wanted was a hug.

Safety Glasses Required

Dave: You need to watch out for all those binary bits flying around. They'll get you in the eye!

Support in France

Toby: Oh, I'm not going to work.  I'll just be there to fan the mosquitoes off of you.

Monday Night

Zana: A full bottle of wine is my single serving. 

Comparison

Farmer: David Lee Roth is so much sexier than Katy Perry. 

A boot of beer.

Mandy: I'll going to not get shit-faced by sharing!! That could fail in a hurry...

Driving to Regionals, circa 2008

Bill: My legs hurt.
Matt: Your EGGS hurt?
Bill: Yes.  My eggs hurt, and my fallopian tubes are f-ing killing me.

Welcome to Management

Jen: When do I get my new kool-aid cup?
Melvin:  It's in the mail.  You get free kool-aid all day long!

Steel Toes

Rich:  Can I have permission to go get my own shoes so that I don't have to use the gross old loaner pair of shoes anymore?

Adam's Superpower

Adam: You know what I am? An entropy amplifier. In my presence, entropy accelerates. 

See you in Hell, in half an hour.

Super Pete: Man, I need a hot dog -- or SOMETHING!

Sick Day

Mark:  Bronchitis is only for those who can hack it.

Defined Contribution

Pete: Did anyone know it's Employee Appreciation Day?  80% of my folks are out sick.

Marty:  A number of my employees started getting sick yesterday after hearing the pension news.

Hard Questions

Mark: Got any other questions you don’t want answered? We’re having a flash sale on clueless.

Now I have a craving for falafel.

Jim: What's PITA?
Jen: Pain in the ass.

Not in the Budget

Jim: The disadvantage of doing business is that it costs money. 

Cloning

Gary: We'll just swab his cheek, put it in a test tube with some Miracle Gro, put it in the window - We'll have another Pat by the end of the week!

Skate Ski Ego Boost

Random Skier: You make it look easy!
Jeny: You didn't see me fall on my face a few miles back.
Random Skier: Don't burst my bubble.
Jeny: Ok, then you're right - I'm amazing.

Cards against Jessica

Jessica: Apparently I am losing. 

Couch Nap

Ewa: You missed a lot when you were sleeping. We're ordering crêpes and I'm friends with the cat. 

Bacon Ride

Ewa: You could put bacon on an old boot and it would be good. 

Whitefish

Chance: Oh, it's only minus 20. 

Ski Stickers

Chance: I used to have a stripper. 

Minions

Jen: You are all legal adults. You can vote...

Chance: You can drink and legally carry firearms. I'm going to trust you with this spreadsheet.

Knots

Angela: This is when I start cursing... I need more coffee. 

Evolution

Laura: God said we evolved from mudskippers. 

Glass Ceiling

Pat:  Your paper towel dispenser doesn't put out as much as mine does.  More like 77%.

Adam's iPhone

Dana: Pull up the Olympic sweater, please!

Jon Stewart

Jeny: He brings the New York Times to life for me. 

Management Perks

Jen: I have three hours of staff meetings today. And not the good kind -- not strep throat. 

Feet shot

Adam: I'm officially sick; I'm wearing slippers. 

Late to the Meeting

John: Sorry I'm late.  Did you solve all the world's problems already?
Pete:  Yeah, John you have all the action items.

Bike ride #4

Pat: I wish my seat were made of jello. Or my butt was made of diamonds. 

They both breathe oxygen.

Mark: Pax is just like Kona!

You can get rid of your real friends anytime.

Tim:  Sorry to have to break it to you.  But better me than your real friends.

Grand Ridge

Adam: I was going to lecture you on that later. Now it's later. 

Hey!

Pat:  Hey Tim... T-Dog... Killer T!

Calendar

Jen:  What day is June 30?
Pat:  I guess Wednesday.
Rich:  Monday.
Pat:  Shit.

Al Gore

Jen: Didn't he invent the internet?
Pat: He did.  I was there.

Lists

Jessica: It's all on the sharepoint. There's no hiding now. 

Twitter

Adam: Where else can you tie in British history, Star Wars and medicine?

Back to GVT'ing...

Jen:  Where's Miller?
Rich:  Getting us more beer.

BCS

Adam: There are only three bowls: the Rose Bowl, the Orange Bowl and the... Rose Bowl!

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Mom: I know these songs better than you because I was in elementary school for many years. You were only there for the requisite five. 

Heavy Sigh

Becky: How was Christmas with your grandkids?

Lori: I don't like teenagers. 

Andrew, Technology Genius

Andrew: How do I get the sound to work on this? Oh right - turn up the volume. 

One pair of shoes.

Andrew: I should have brought my cowboy boots for sledding. 

Leopard Socks

Regan: No one has ever said, "pour some cement on you."

Jen: Significantly different than "pour some sugar on me."

Adam's Opinions

Regan: Oh I forgot -- you're on the f'ed up side of the couch. 

Dogs are the shit.

Regan: You just stuck your feet in my face. I'm not rubbing your belly. 

Fork

Adam: What just happened?

Martina: Regan just got a dinglehopper. 

Food Safety for the Holidays

Kelli:  The holidays bring on the most incidents of food poisoning, and they can't all be attributed to my mother.

Cheese is not linear.

Don: Takes me back to sophomore engineering: you have a linear, homogenous, weightless structure. 

Rebels

Jen: Who wants to help me break some rules?
Mark/Tom/Tim: I do!

Dave the Muppet

Dave: You know what I just discovered? YouTube!

GRE

Pat: I'm a one trick pony and it's calculus. 

After Dinner

Regan: Can we take these cookies and go upstairs?

The Flaming Nard in the Sky

Regan: I found my legs in the plumbing department. 

Traffic Pattern

Adam: It's difficult to get across Green Lake. 

Regan: Unless you had a hovercraft. 

The 'Burb

Emily: This baby corners like she's on rails. 

Mike: I've drifted it before!

Why would you hide?

Mike: If I were Bigfoot, I'd be like "look at me, I'm f-ing Bigfoot!"

Mike's Kitchen

Adam: It's ok. We have coriander. Let the zombies come. 

Driving with Arthur

Steven: Don't go, it's not green. 

Tele Skiing

Mark: You were really good at it. Until you went into the fence. 

Adam: Didn't I break the fence?

Eric

Josh: She couldn't have done better. Well - she could. She could have married me. 

Enough!

Seth: This isn't going anywhere and I don't see it going anywhere. 

Spice Cabinet

Arthur: Honey, is this oregano or is it pot?

Landing at JFK

Pilot: ...The temperature is still above freezing which is, um, good for us. 

Thanksgiving morning.

Jo: I know you think all I've been doing all morning is drinking and cooking but no!!

I haven't driven in months.

Josh. I'm on the lawn. 

Free Windows 8.1 Upgrade

Seth: It's like - hey! Do you like AIDS? We have herpes for free!

Customer Service

Toby: There's stuff I said I wouldn't do on Friday, and when people tell me today that I said that, I say, I don't even remember saying that.  Hey - I had a whole weekend to forget that with alcohol; it's Monday and I'm here to help you again.

I stole this from the showroom.

Regan: This tank top didn't belong on the rack -- it belongs on MY rack!!

At Home

Jen: Oh no! The finger puppet fell into the bacon grease!

Chance: I saw that and assumed there had been a terrible accident so I didn't inquire any further. 

Bar Time

Joe: What time is it?
Jen: Time for me to go to bed.
Joe:  Ten o'clock!  Holy shit, I have to go home and watch Golden Girls!

Monologuers

Andy: Well, I'll bet there weren't any awkward silences!

Workshop Integration

Tim: So what are we going to do when we go downstairs?

Keith: Eat cookies. 

MNF

Darvin: Was that final play pass interference or was it not?

Most Everybody: Pass interference!

Tim: It was a hug. 

Workshop

Dennis: Thanks for being here - as if you had a choice. 

Final GVT Question

Jen: Why did it trip on shaker 6?

John: Because there's an amoeba. 

Wedding Roles

Adam: If I were a ring bear, I would just hibernate. 

A Walk in the Woods

Adam: I don't understand why people bring a sidearm hiking. What are they defending themselves from?

Jen: Go-pheirs. 

More Physics

Adam: Where are my booties?

Jen: Look on the floor; that's where gravity puts stuff. 

Perpective

Tim:  One guy's panic is another guy's dirty o-ring.

Dr. Lim

Jen: He endorses Nutella!!

Adam: Who wouldn't?

IDEAS

Tim: So this breathes new life into them staying in their old ways?

Freecycle

Adam: The Element is the perfect "oh, there's something to pick up on the curb!" vehicle.