Verbage

Pete: I heard that St. Louis has implemented the plan.
John:  Well -- implemented -- that's a funny word.

Bachelorhood

Motorcycle Tim: I would seriously question the sanity of anyone that wanted to marry me.

Modes

Pat: You can breathe in the hangar and excite first wing bending. 

Brunch Buffet

Old Guy in Salad Bar Line: What is this?  I don't want salad.  I want breakfast.

Lunch

Jen: Hey Guy, how's the split pea soup today?
Guy:  Better than those burnt burgers you were cooking up last week.

Go 4 Some

Becky: They dropped a bit of plastic way down in there and just left it.
Mark: Ha!  Go 4 Zero!
Jen: This wasn't our guys.
Jason: Yeah, they Go 4 A Handful.

Meeting with Executives

Jen: I'm on vacation that week, so I can't hold the barf bag for you.
Steve: That's ok.  I'll do it on the table for effect.

Inverses

Jen: The spreadsheet of DOOM.
Pat: No, whatever the opposite of doom is.
Jen: MOOD.

Go 4 Zero

John: We have a great safety record on this floor!
Mark: Oh yeah!
Jason: Didn't you sit on a tack one time?
Mark: Oh. Yeah..

Language Barrier

Pat: I just speak a different dialect.  It's called educated.

Montana

Zana: I'm a passenger. Of course I'm drinking a beer. 

I'll call myself an athlete, but that's a stretch.

Adam: I just figured out the difference between climbing and cycling parties. At climbing parties we do pull ups. At cycling parties we weigh ourselves. 

Hydrocodone

Adam: Have you ever stood on a low step stool and said, wow -- the world looks so different from here!

Adult Pool Parties

Mikey:  It was amazing.  People were jumping naked from the Ethel Merman clamshell into the pool.  I had to apologize to Thor, the building manager.  He said, Michael -- that was the most fun that pool has seen in a DECADE.  You EARNED that citation!

Becky

Mark: Anyone who can maintain a cheerful demeanor while riding in this clown car is indeed awesome.

Picnic eats

Jen: I need some alcohol to soak up this food!

Percentage Complete

Adam:  How many do you have left?
Jen: Two-thirds.
Adam: Out of how many?
Jen:  Three-thirds.

Alter of Whiskey

Laura: Best to come at the altar sideways-- head on, the altar usually wins.

Data

Chance: Who gives a f--- about a billionth of a cent?

Corgies

Jen: Those dogs are all butts. 

Joel & Joe

Joel: If there was a Miss America of Assholes, you'd be the first runner-up. 

Motorcycle Gang Names

Chance: I vote for "Lost Boys" because then you get to wear onesies with ears & paws. 

Motorcycle Class

Chuck:  I can do two U-turns in this box on any of your bikes!  I can do it on my big bike!  Hell, I can do it in my PORSCHE!

New Job

Katie: If you look it up in the dictionary, I believe you will find "deflector of bullshit" as a synonym for manager. 

Hops

Joe: The reason people love the Pacific Northwest is because it's like Czechlosovakia. 

Post Crash

Jen: I don't think I hit the deck that hard. I don't know why I hurt so much. And don't tell me I'm old. 

Adam: Sounds like you need a dose of Toughen The F--- Up. 

Jen: Do you SEE me rockin the pink pajama pants? I don't need to toughen the f--- anything.

Dog vs Mountain Bike

Hiker: Curry, stop that! Her back wheel is not made of steak!

Interns

Pat: Be good at your job, or you'll be turned into tacos.

Tiger Summit Climb

Adam: The flat bit was nice.

Youth

Pat: Jen and Adam rode Friday, Saturday AND Sunday last week.  I'm jealous.
Christie:  Yeah, well in 10 years Lilly will be fast on the bike and Jen will be OLD.

Ladder Climbing

Jen: The make up was part of The 2013 Campaign to Care About my Appearance. 

Adam: Oh yeah? How'd that go for you?

Jen: I got a f---ing promotion. 

Flow Down

Dave: It's just about putting the decision at the lowest possible level. 

Pete: You can't get any lower than us!

Conversations with Customers

Don:  Successfully got rid of most of the channels and ALL of the expectations.  Check!

Concepts

Adam: I'm totally comfortable with the risks of climbing, but then you think about the things you're new to...

[Pan crashes to the floor.]

... Like gravity. 

Backstabbed.

Jen:  He made some reference about falling on my sword that I didn't understand.
Jim:  Well, sometimes you can fall on your sword without knowing it.
Joel:  Yeah, and you could fall on it backwards -- with someone holding it behind you.

Alternate Methods

Chris:  Jen is like the rat that chews through the maze.
Jen:  Aw, Chris -- that's so sweet!

Customers

Joel:  I hate GE.  I'm never flying anything with their engines.  And I'm never buying another light bulb.

Sexiness

Adam: I'm a middle aged, middle class white man. Take your aggression out on THIS.

Mystery Button

Adam: Ok, so the button is officially not your ejector seat.

Renton

Mike: Seriously, the car sight seeing in this town is off the hook.

Head Shot

Adam:  You look like you just switched the non-dairy creamer at the coffee station with laxative... kinda guilty, kinda nervous.

Triple

Perry: What's a three person boat?
Trent: A boat with three people.

Social Networking

Ben: Jeny tagged me in a post on Facebook!
Matt: Jeny tagged your face with a post???

Lateral Stabilizers

Bridget: Up with this shit we will not put!

Learning Zone

Tim: I think Pete should work on being an introvert.

Safety Culture

Tracy: Even Disneyland has problems.

Personalities

Kelli: I'm in the angry box.

Harbor Freight Tools

Adam: Be careful when you go in there. We don't need a MIG welder.
Jeny: Whatever. Who the f--k put you in charge?

Time to Retire

Kelvin:  His eye sight is going.  He can't see banana peels.

Time Not Wasted

Jim: I'm revalidating my passions!!

Opportunity

Chris: I'm reluctant to use that word because it usually means "doing something stupid."

Costume

Chance: Reminds me of the time I agreed to help build a worm costume, then wear it at a Port of Seattle event celebrating sustainable landscaping practices.  We constructed a 9' tall, tubular skeleton suspended from an old backpack frame, then wrapped the whole thing in pink/beige fabric.  Going the extra mile, we added a system by which I could wiggle the thing by pulling on handles attached to cords.  Being not all that handy, the only part that wiggled was the tip - in a vaguely threatening way.   Imagine me on a stage in a 9', flesh-toned  cylinder with a wiggling tip.  Now imagine the expressions on the faces of the assembled dignitaries when I crept toward them for photographs.  Many emotions mixed in there, but, mostly, I recall horror.

I've never done crack.

Scott: Richaaaaard!!

Management Class

Matt: When I was there, they said the week before someone got hammered, took their clothes off and ran through the fountain.
Jay: Yeah! That's an urban legend! They told us too.
John: Where was the fountain? I don't remember it at all.
Frank: John, did you get your clothes back??

MT Cabin

Chance: My shit is well delegated.

31 in a 30

Mark:  Can you imagine waking up and your only job being a complete douchebag?

Heating & AC Guy

Curtis:  I get to watch him suck my ducts out!  I wonder what a duck sounds like when it get sucked out.

New Technology

John:  What do we call this thing?  The Blow and Suck Machine?
Don:  No.  It's the Suck and Blow.

Tired Legs

Jeny: Sorry dude.
Adam: For what?
Jeny: You got chicked.
Adam: You know what? Today she can have it.

Freezing Rain

Adam: Are we really going to ski in this?
Jen: Oh yeah. This is awesome skiing weather dude.
Adam: No, this is good sitting inside drinking scotch weather.

Don't Push It

Adam: You know what's awesome about you?
Jen: Everything.

GAIL

Gail: Oh wait.. the test does not require on-line unless I change my mind.  I promise not to change my mind until we are within 2-hours of starting the test.  Then I’ll not only ask for on-line but I’ll try to double the number of channels and test conditions.

Avoid A Fall -- Use Handrail

Toby:  Someone must have ate shit on the stairs.  Don't tell me to use them as a gym then tell me I might DIE when I do.

All Day Meetings

Bernie: This is buckets of suck.

Self Help Book Titles

Don: Maybe someone should leave a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" on Mark's desk.
Jen: Or, "How to Not Piss Off Your Coworkers and Subsequently Not End Up in the Duwamish with Cement Shoes."
Don:  Or, "If You Want Someone Else to Help You With Something You Don't Know How to Do, Maybe You Shouldn't Be a Giant Dick."

Hungry

Adam: I need peanut butter.

Cannot Display Webpage

Ted: I repeated the error.
Jen: Yay, I'm not crazy.
Rob: Yes you are.
Jen: F--- off, Rob.

Kamikaze Pilots

Don:  Although they must be inexperienced, because why else would you want virgins?

Home Alone

Mary: Just so you know, I plan on filling out your month of freedom with lots of girl dates, parties, dancing, wild nights you won't remember, etc., etc.

Resume

Adam: Everything is sexier in PDF.

Fall Protection Training

Pat:  You know what they don't tell you about that class?  It's two hours you'll never get back.  Poof.  You can't put the fluff back into the dandelion.

Medical Advice (via text)

Zana: Paging Dr. Adam -- Torn calf muscle (pretty sure).  Mayonanaise?
Jen/Adam: Mustard.  Dijon is best.
Zana: Should I eat it or just shove it up my ass?
Jen/Adam: Rectal for maximum effect.  Applied with a pickle.
Zana: Perfect.  It will only match how I feel.
Jen/Adam: And possibly improve it.

Blinky Lights

Joel: Electricity to the rescue once again.

Training

Jen: I ran across my workout plans from winter two years ago.
Pat: You were much harder back then.
Jen: Now I'm soft and squishy.

Why I love my job

Miller: It would have been much easier if we could just saw a hole in the floor.

Still Working

Ken: Crappy commute this morning.  Add that to the fact that I didn't win the lottery and have to be here in the first place.  But at least no one will be trying to pour cyanide down my throat while I'm not looking.

A Gift for Whitefish.

Zana: I can't believe you hid that f--king squeaky toy in the couch!  I found it and said to Pete, Look at this. No way Gaia put that there. No way it got "lost" there. That motherf--ker was put here on purpose.

Measures of Time

Zana: What time are you guys getting up to go to V-Trees?
Adam: Sometime after Pete gets out of the bathroom.

Zana's interpretation.

Gaia: You guys stay up late and embarrass me.

Greatest Tag Line Ever

Adam: Douchebags - Chicks dig them.

Ski Jackets

Pete: I'm gonna put on my blue jacket, cuz we look like a bag of f--king skittles.

New Year's Hangover

Zana: I am 20% cleaner and feel 4% better.

Sile

Zana: I dot know how she doesn't churn herself into a pool of butter.

Stick Figures

Jen: Hey, don't make fun of my artwork.
Pat: I didn't say anything...  But you call that artwork, huh?

If I were in the Navy, I wouldn't want to tell anyone.

Jen: You were Army?
Mitch: Yeah, I'm not gay.

Dinner Date, part 2

Jen: I can't believe I ate all that.
Phil: Well the good news is you don't look any fatter than when you walked in.

Dinner Date, part 1

Thai waitress: Are you meeting the lady for dinner?
Phil: I don't know if I'd call her a lady.

Dessert Panic

Seth: I think I'm bleeding chocolate!

Wine rep

Jo: Oh my God, that's delicious. Who sells that to you? Oh wait, it's me.

Dieting

Joel:  No salt here; I've been on a diet.
Pat: Joel, you're looking quite svelte.
Joel:  Yeah, well I'm f--king starving.  All the time.

Leaving Early

Pat:  How to tell Pat's 22... going to buy Halo 4!

The Laws

Tim: Ask him about the laws of physics.
Phil: What laws??

Paring Knife

Adam: Actually, you've started this meal with all your fingers. Let's keep it that way.

Breakfast or Offspring

Jen: So Adam has been trying to make Dutch babies.
Don: Do you need a Dutch woman for that?

Translation

Adam: I can speak Flemish! No seriously, give me a few more drinks and I can speak Flemish!

Labels

Jen: You're so strange.
Adam: What does that make you -- desperate?

Samba Mount

Don:  Your account has been disabled.
Mark:  Well, I guess that makes it stable!

Homework

Kelli: Should I send it out now or when I get back from vacation?
Charles: Well, now would be good.
Melody: Yeah, we need something to do Saturday and Sunday.

Yeah, well...

Adam: You smell.
Jen: Yeah, well... You're ugly. At least I can shower.

Paradise MTB

Seth: My skull is more fragile than my ego.