Aunt Peg

PW: Hey kid, no you can't eat chalk.  And if you're going to cry about it, go in the corner, I don't want to trip over you.

PW: I want to show you my new kitchen tools.  [Ball peen hammer & screwdriver.]  Oh, this still has chocolate on it from last time!

Out Sick

Jen:  You gonna show your face today?
Don:   Eh.  Maybe briefly.
Jen:  Miller says he doesn't want your bugs.
Don:  That's the only reason I'd come in.

May Be Bad

Pat: I red tagged your jeep.  There's a low cupcake frequency and I figured it must be related to the delivery system.

Entertainment

Tim:  You can't just have a couple of guys slapping at each other - you need a real fight!  And how do you sell tickets to a mud wrestling match?
Jen: Women in bikinis, that's how.

Towels

Tracy:  Martha. Stewart.
Jeny: That bitch.
Kevin:  Rot in Hell.

Thursday Night

Chance:  I'm so glad you called.  If you hadn't I would have gone to Fred Meyer to pick up batteries for my boat lights, and a pint of ice cream.

Weekend Support

Phil: Well, then let's get Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny to support next weekend because I'm sure as hell not.

Unfortunate Accident

Don:  You want to help me move a piano?

Windows 7

Rick: CRUMBUCKETS!!!

Getting Old

Tim:  I threaten you with FATE!

Making Space

Jen:  I'll have to move these wedges.
John:  Yes, move them to the hallway with the other wedges.  Then they won't be lonely.  They've been missing each other.

College

Mark:  He's the only dude on his floor.  In fact, the only dude with a single room too!  I don't know why he wants to come home for the weekend.  Maybe he's tired.

Construction

Pat:  I will be so glad when they're done with this.  It's so f-ing loud.
Jen:  It will be great - they're turning it into a f-ing park.
Pat:  That will be f-ing beautiful.
Jen:  That's f-ing right.
Pat:  Why are we f-ing cursing?
Jen:  I don't f-ing know.  You started it.
Pat:  Oh yeah.  Well, I'm going to f-ing end it.

Company Vehicles

Mitch:  The Dodge has a check engine light on.  And makes a funny noise sometimes.  But don't take it to automotive, because I don't want to be stuck with the Ball-less Wonder and have to use that.  Especially if we're in a hurry.

Grizzly Behavior

Zana:  I would never give a Grizzly my Subaru.  That indeed WOULD be bad.

40 Years of Drinking

Richard:  I should not be eligible for a liver transplant.

Weekend Work

Phil:  Don't worry, I'll be on call.  With my phone off.

Repetition

Jim: I found that 27 times is necessary for the common person to grasp a concept.

Mt. Cruiser

Adam:  Aw, we should have brought some snow back down with us.
Jen: But would it still be snow at this point?
Adam:  We could have packed it in ice.

Waiting Up

Adam:  That wasn't waiting up!  That was sleeping on the couch waiting for the dog to bark.  Waiting up is watching reruns of MacGyver with toothpicks holding your eyelids open with the epipen poised just in case you do fall asleep.