Yardwork

Dad: I worked outside too but I didn't shower because I'm a manly man.

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Mentorship

Jen: Who's Melissa?
Bernie:  Oh, um, yeah, she's the, uh, OTHER girl I'm helping write her thesis.
Jen: You two-timing son of a bitch.

Webex

Curtis: Can you guys keep it down over here? I'm trying to listen to this propaganda.

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Quinoa

Phil: What is it?
Jen: Quinoa. Kinda like rice.
Phil: Where's it from?
Jen: Africa?
Phil: Probably has ebola in it. If you turn into a monkey I'll know.

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Sloves

Dan:  Well, at least you're empathizing with a T-Rex right now.

Cribbage

Adam:  You wanna ice-axe me in the kidney?

Life After College

Jason: I've done my best phone interviews after a couple of beers.

Jen and John

Jen: What's in my pocket?
John: Phil's roll.
Phil: I need a break.
Jen: It's called retirement, Phil.

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Fitting data

Charlie: Why do it half assed when you can be a complete ass?

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Trident

Mark: Anyone else want some bean dip eraser?

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Love-Hate

John: That sounds like my relationship with eggs Benedict.

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Kettlebells

John:  No, Jen's Spiderman.  You're like Mosquito Girl.

One year

Paul:  I haven't seen cat poo in the garden in three hundred and sixty five days.

Epic Ales

Jan: Are they too cool for your brewery, sweetie?

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Old technology

Tim: No one answered my emails.
Joe:  Let's try the old-fashioned way.
Tim:  Carrier pidgeon?  Or... one if by land, two if by sea?
Joe:  Or the phone, let's just go back one century.

What's the plan?

Phil:  What's going on?  Are we going over there in a few minutes?
Jen:  I don't know.  I thought you were in charge of this operation.
Phil:  I'm eating a banana.

Eating habits

Phil: I try not to eat breakfast. I know what will happen. Beer is bad enough. You eat breakfast too and you're done for.

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Whoops

Tim: Uh oh. NASA crashed a rocket into the ocean.
Jen: What?
Tim: Yeah, that's not outer space.

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More TM fun

Phil: You know you can hypnotize pigeons that way.
Tim: Jesus Phil, why do you know that?

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Tuesday night trivia

Cole: I guess I shouldn't holler at bitties. I guess I shouldn't call them bitties either, huh?

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