Cell phone activation

Tim: It seems to contact the server best if it's sitting on a cactus. 

Booze Garden

Mary: I think I'll go beer. I haven't had that in a couple hours. 

Evening Plans

Joe: Did Rich ask you if you want to come to Two Beers with us after work?

Rich: She can't. She's got a lesbian thing to get to. 

Language Comparison

Steve: There are some similarities between German and English. 

Niki: Like kindergarten. 

Last Minute Work

John: You know we don't do anything until we can fire drill it at the end.  That's when we do our best work!

Split Vacations

Wendy: John, why are you coming in for one day?
John: Because I'm dedicated.
George: There are other words for that.

UW IT

Jim: Well, deleting all the accounts is a hiccup.

Mice in the Grill

Ashley: Jeny is definitely the toughest of the three of us.

Andrea: I didn't know that was up for debate. 

Bike computers.

Jen: What are we doing here?

Luke: Giving him anxiety. 

Tenure

Joshua: John, how long have you been in propulsion?
John: Five years.
Jim: But you've worked seven.

Because "micromanagement" was already taken.

Mark: What does ETAC stand for?
Tim: Engineering... something something...
Ben: It stands for value.

I'm getting concerned.

John: What's up with your marauding chickens? There's a gang of them over there.

I put Travis in charge.

Stephen: I regret that. 

Fermentation

Lana: So, I just found the mug I used at Windermere. It had Bailey's in it. 

Blood would contrast well.

Tim: What's the tragedy?  You look like you're going to be in a Greek play.
Jen: What? I thought I looked cute this morning.
Tim: There is no contradiction there.
Jen: Oh, then thank you.  I think.

Coaching Leagues

Damion: I have a specific skill set that I am f--king good at. 

Influence of Alcohol

Briana: I am super fun!

Sharing Hormones

Jeny: Margot, Zoe! You gave me your cramps!

Margot: Alpha ovaries!!!

Bad Day

Margot: Do you need a hug?

Briana: [death stare]

Slang Usage

Matt: You should still be able to hit kids. 

Matt needs therapy too.

Margot: Did your boys DFL too?

Emotions

Margot: My main emotion is love, but it's often clouded by rage. 

Lightweight 4+

Sophie: Do I need to be here while they warm up?

Jeny: Do they need supervision?

Sophie: I don't think so. Well, mostly. 

Novice boys with nothing to do

Margot: You guys need a big ball of yarn and to knit some sweaters. 

Bus Conversation

Anna: Do you know about the opium wars? That was happening in America with alcohol. 

Sydney: And that's why we threw all our tea in the harbor. 

Zoe: Nope. Not related. 

Spaghetti Feed

Zoe: I'm so full. I feel like I'm dying. 

Private School

Cori: Does Lakeside have senior pet day?

Anna: Yes. I'm bringing Jimmy and my little sister. 

Clothing Options

Bill: I brought a pair of pants, a pair of shorts and two and a half pair of underwear. 

Rolled Tacos

Damion: That was a good warm up for all the food I'm gonna eat at the hotel. 

Jeny: What are you going to eat?

Damion: Beer. 

Regionals

Damion: I hope Conal says something to me this weekend so I can tell him to go f--k himself. 

Banana bread thief

Greg: [Tries to sneak bread away from Bruce.]
Bruce: You're cute.

Or not.

Jen: Working for Bill sounds amazing.
Meredith: I love my job, really I do.
Bill: Shut up.

COP

Joe: They say they have a community of practice, but they must talk about the weather.

Overhead Spending

Dave: So I'm not horrible, Steve's not terrible and Jen's not included.
Steve: So what's Marty?
John: Out of control.

PB Cups

Jen: Do you want more peanut butter cups?  I brought a new batch.
Tim: Good, because we were on the edge of crisis yesterday.

Regatta snacks

Lily: Guess how many snap peas I had earlier. 

Jeny: How many?

Lily: Hella. 

Rye at Brentwood

Matt: I don't condone any of this. 

You're drunk on exhaustion.

Margot: What's the appeal of this regatta?

Paper Towel Dispenser

Pat: What the hell are you doing?
Fred: I'm from prop lab.

Pizza

Becky: I don't even know where we're going.
Rich: Yes you do. I explained it to you.
Becky: I didn't listen.

Smart City

Becky: What's up with your map?
Jen: It's for school. We have to design a "smart city."
Becky: You know it's got a chicken attacking it? That is a chicken isn't it?
Jen: Well, I started with Trogdor and went south pretty quickly.
Becky: [Shakes Head].

New Engineer

Jen: Can we clone Hannah?
John: I get the first two copies.

Hans Gruber

Becky: What if he doesn't fit in? What if he's.... normal?

Ewins

Becky: I'm reviewing, man.  Even the smartest of us get foggy.

You don't mix paisley with stripes.

Becky: Isn't he all important now and wearing ties that don't match his shirt?
Jen: Pat? Or Brett?
Becky: BRETT!!  Pat would never do that!  He's always stylish.

Seven Minutes

Briana: I do enjoy peeing. 

Emotional Overrule

Cori: Are you not ticklish?

Maren: I am. But I am so mad!!!

Racing delays

Haley: I feel like I'm at summer camp!!!

Early morning

Jeny: You need to work on your stealthiness. 

Andrea: What did she just say? Something about a stealth penis?

Regatta Day

Haley: When your dinner is guacamole, you're doing something right.

Saturday Night In

Haley: Is it too much to ask for TV to be good, America?????

Retirement

Tom: I'll lose all knowledge by October. 

Rob: It will take that long?

Wrist bands

Jeny: This is when we become blood sisters. 

Haley: I've been waiting for this moment all my life. 

Is he even a member?

Bill: Now I can practice the new code... What is it?

Bernie

Don: DISAPPOINTED!!!

Technicalities

Dave: I knew one day I would regret not going to law school.

Careful what you say in front of HR

Wendy: I can always tell you by their backsides.
James: Is there something we need to talk about?

HP35670

Don: When four channels is all you need.
Patrick: When anything lighter just won't work.

Bernie to JPK

Bernie: What are you doing?

Shrimp

Scott: I'm a sucker for a good crustacean. 

Canine Vocabulary

Pat: It's not "underestimating" to assume the dog doesn't know the word "thrice."

I tried to nap at lunch but it didn't work.

Steve: I haven't lost sleep over it, but that's because I found out about it today.

Launch Shifting

Damion: Time in neutral is time wasted. 

Polka Dots

Toby: Just don't use a red laser pointer because I'll get confused with your t-shirt.

Three Anns. Three Dougs.

John: There's Mean Anne, Nice Ann, and Wild Ann.
Wendy: We had Good, Bad and Ugly Doug.  One is my husband.

I can't tell you much about it.

Wendy: I may need your help doing an estimate.
Toby: For... ?
Wendy: Sure.

Lunch

Becky: My sandwich was delicious hater!!

Update

Toby: We're dealing with our usual catastrophes and disasters, 75% of which aren't actually catastrophes or disasters. 

I love wedding season.

Don: We're going to church; let's put on something tight!

Sign the waiver or...

Frank: They'll be upset, we'll be upset and nobody wants to be upset.

They're ass height!

Don: Why are you having a chair doing a bookcase's job?

Social Media

Jen: I need to spend more time on Twitter. 

Pat: #saidnooneever

Cooking

Jeny: I've rekindled my love affair with my crockpot. 

Claire: Solid romance!

Novice Boys

Margot: I corrall the shit out of them!

Consequences

George: Well, I'm going to beat on you, so do as you like.

Meetings

Jen: The PGB meeting is my FAVORITE.
George: Gag me with a rototiller.

Training

Mark: Are you guys going to be good on fall protection?
Jeanie: You are evil.

Reincarnation

Chance: I bet the life a fruit fly is pretty great. It's all, mmmmm fruit. 

To answer your question...

Jen: What was my question?
Tim: You didn't ask it.

Meeting

Steve: Wait, we're meeting?
John: Yeah, you got out of Performance to Plan, so you have a free hour.  I know you have a free hour.

Arugula

Andrew: Don't call it lettuce. 

Manhattans Tonight

Andrea: And I brought home the cherries, son!

Water = Clear Liquid

Ashley: You get your water in distilled alcohol form. 

Order of Operations

Andrea: You put a hole in the box.

Scout

Ashley: Please hold. This dog doesn't know where she is. 

Budgets

Jim: Well, someone pays for it.
Steve: Shareholders pay for it.  No one cares about them.  Wait -- who's on the phone?

Awkward Pause

Dave: So which is worse -- WFL or this?

Photo Share

Becky: Are you sending that photo to EVERYONE?
Jen: Hey -- that's payback for the intern website.
Becky: I was NEVER going to tell you about that!!

Andrew's Going Away Party

Margot: I dressed up today for you.  I wore a nice shirt and a real bra.

Grizzly Bears

Margot: Why would nature do that!?!?

Facilities

George: I have a roof leak right next to my desk that has accumulated about an inch of water in a cup in the last hour.  Kind of like my own personal Chinese torture device.

Post show sugar high.

Lilly: Summer, the murderous glare in your eyes does not make you more beautiful. 

Dinner choice

Andrew: Great minds think alike. And so do ours. 

Because you had a deficiency in this department.

Mark: Here's another little thought to annoy you!

Physique

Dave: You're thin. 

Pat: I'm not as thin as my running friends.

Dave: Well, you would be!

Half Marathon

Lauren: It's not that early.

Jeny: It is if you're not running 13 miles.

Lauren: Dude, I'm not running that far. 

Ben

Bernie: There his is!  Get back here you son of a bitch.  I said I wanted a document; this is a cable!

Hangouts Meeting

Vishvesh: Is someone at Chuck E Cheese?

Tall Engineers

John: What's the height clearance in the new motorhome?
Ben: Four feet.

Who hit the button?

Ben: Kill Switch One, I'm looking at you!