Hot tub planning

Chance: I have hairy legs now!

Moto Maintenance

Jen: Did you check the tire pressure?

Adam: No, I got distracted by the bike being on fire. 

Silver Chain Link

Adam: It's like my chain didn't even move!

Jen: Maybe that's why you were so slow. 

Full Bladder

Adam: My whole world view is going to change after I pee. 

Finance

Jon: What do they even do all day?

Hair

Bernie: It's Just for Men!

Joel: Maple syrup works in a pinch too. 

Exhausted

Adam: Hey, I was on my best behavior all day yesterday for like six hours!

Who fixes problems?

Chance: When I say "the team" I mean "me."

Comparison

Pat: How'd the test go?

Mark: It was rough. You know, kind of like childbirth. 

Pat: No. I wouldn't know. 

500 jumpies

Corrie: I told you not to do that with the words out of my mouth, now your ass will remind you. 

Walking the bike.

Jen: Whatcha doin'?

Adam: I heard a funny noise. 

Jen: Zoom! You mean the sound of being passed??

Boeing vs. Jack in the Box

Steve: Are you suggesting we offer free tacos with our test services?

4 year old zinger.

Jeny: You can see the gondola through the fog.
Ethan:  Yeah.  Sorta.

Vendor Discussion

Mark: Is this making sense, or do we sound as inept as I think we might be?

Do I look like George Clooney?

Ed: You need to stop using the TV as a mirror. 

Hidden Talents

Gaia: I am the Walrus. 

Antsy

Jen: You need something to do. 

Adam: I'm roasting squash!!

That was the plan 5 hours ago!

Don: ALL WE NEED TO DO IS FIND THE F**KING MODE! 

Feeling Stabby

Jeff: My management won't let me have scissors. 

Prognosis

Tim: What's the prognosis?
Jen: Doom.
Mark: Fatal.
Tim: So, we're not getting out of this alive?

KGB GVT

Trey: Yes, Comrade, I love checklists.

Translation

Mark: SHIT. STORM.

Like that, but better.

Adam: Manatees from Heaven would crush the shit out of you. 

Who let Trey fly the airplane?

Mark: I had a dream that Trey was flying an airplane and it was crashing.

Identity

Ben: Can you still be a stripper if you share a name with a jet company?

Again.

Steve: You've lost control of your team.

Team Data Acq

Pat: So -- two people, who will remain nameless, were having a conversation about this here issue.  one of them asked what value to use and the other said either X or Y.  So I entered X. What you ACTUALLY said was here are two options; one is wrong. Choose wisely.  And I did not.

Ready?

Mark: Are we still imminent?
Tim: It appears I f**ked something up.

Unmarried Cameraman

Jen: I mean he's cute.  And he drives a Subaru.
Rich: You could save money and he could be the videographer at your wedding.
Jen: Wow, that escalated quickly.
Rich: Hey, we're not getting any younger.

VLO

George: You can't back fill a manager with an engineer, even though that is a promotion.
Jen: Is it though?  Is it?

A pint.

Rich: I found a text that said you ate an entire pint of ice cream.
Jen: This is probable, but unsubstantiated.
Mark: That's not that much ice cream.

Pat

Tim: He has a fabulous Cynicism Filter.  Highly tuned.  High Q.  Very fast.  Little delay.

Why are you here?

Tim: What is your purpose in life today?
Jen: Un-f**king what Miller did.
Pat: It's not possible.

Uncomfortable

Ben: It's better to be the hugger than the huggee.

Gonads

Chance: That would be a great name for a football team -- The Nads! Go Nads! Go Nads!

Biology

Chance: We are animals... So we should do it like the Discovery Channel. 

Love

Andrea: I like you because you wear wool on flannel.

Walker

Randy: It's Govenor Asshole in this household. 

Nightly News

Andrew: Bao Bao the panda is ok!

Hard Iced Tea

Mom: If you don't like that, I have Percocet. 

Baggage Claim

Andrew: I think the machine that tears the handles off the luggage broke so they're doing it by hand.

Phó

Andrea: Did you hear that? It was my stomach making laser sounds. 

While I haven't seen her do it...

Ewa: I know she's eating the carpet because there are holes in it and she poops carpet pieces. 

Rusty Bolt

Adam: What attitude does the bike have at rest?

Jen: Sassy!

Complete

Jeff: Does everyone know what 'conformity' means?

Morning booze consumption.

Kate: I was vertical and all my words were separated. 

Good thing it wasn't a tattoo.

Richard: This is what happens when you get your hair cut after four beers. 

Thanking the Fans

Dave: Well, you've had your fun. I gotta go. 

Trendy

Matt: That was sooo 600 emails ago.

Northwest Centric

Matt: If we sneeze, the rest of the capability gets a cold.

Playing nice.

Mark: MY BOX.  MY SAND.  MY TOYS.

Format Painter

Jim: I love that tool. Almost as good as velcro.

Bling

Chance: It's my kitten button; you wanna touch it?

Reboot

Caleb: Well, the computer gods have spoken and the meeting is adjourned. 

The Boss's Office

Trey: I'm downstairs, but I can come up.  Wait.  Am I in trouble?  If yes, I don't want to come up.

Instrumentation Racks

Tim: Furthermore, I think this door should be hinged on the right.  Or the left.

Applause

Jen: Why are we clapping?

Jay: Because I like it. They're finally getting off their asses and doing something worthwhile. 

More wine?

Barb: Can I get you anything?

Bill: I'm fine, thanks. 

Barb: Are you driving?

Bill: [looks at Mat's full wine glass] Apparently. 

Traffic

Jen: I went over to 15th, hoping for a clear shot on the viaduct, but it was a shit show all around.
Pat: It was more of a three day shit festival, not just one show.

Yeah, right.

George: [cough] Bullshit! [cough]
Pete: Yeah... I've had a cough for weeks.

Post Halloween

Jen: Miller has a literal cauldron of candy at his desk.

Agreement

Gary: It's better to confront Tim on a Monday morning before he gets too ornery. 

October 31st

Ben: I would like to formally complain that it's Halloween and you didn't bring us any candy.

Shake it!

Mary: I need a tuned mass damper for my mid-section.

Purdue

Tim: He had his bicycle stolen.  Who knew that place was so rife with lawlessness?

Common bar tables.

Adam: It's funny. There's so few people who's opinion I actually want to hear. 

OBGYNs

Toby: You sliced open a human being, pulled another one out and that's just your morning coffee?

All science points to baby.

Tim: I wasn't convinced there was baby in there until the head came out and then the rest came splattering out.

Value

Jim: Do they sell crack by the ounce?

Overhead "challenge"

Frank: During the last really bad episode of this, I used to go out for a run every time I got really wound up, but I found I just didn't have the stamina.

Schedule

Pat: Is that one day? Two days? Three days?

Curtis: Yeah. 

Wait, what are we talking about?

Adam: Oh my gosh, that's huge. 

Jeny: Well, you're awful modest. 

Long Range Business Plan

Wendell: We're doomed. 

Dating

Chance: I wanted to ask her out but I wanted to see her art first. 

Go-Do's

Matt: You assume what you want; I'm going to check the box.

Tatiana

Jen: I'm gonna recommend NOT calling her "toots" when you get the opportunity to speak.
Mark: Would that be a bad thing?
Jen: Please don't make me have another "coaching conversation."
Mark: *snicker*

Inquisitive Telecon Speaker

Jen: Who is the woman speaking?
Mark:  The One and Only Tatiana.  I don't think she has a last name.  Kind of like Mr. T.
Jen: Oh. Her.
Mark: I pity the fool who draws her attention.

Note sheet

Barb: Hey, that's a neat little note sheet there.  Where'd you get that?  Did you make it?  It could be a really useful tool!
Eric: It's mine.

Bearded MTB Gang

MTB Dude: Hey, it's another lady. Hey have you been here before?

Jen: This is my first time to the summit today. 

MTB Dude: So we haven't met you yet?

Jen: No, I think I would have remembered. 

Meeting Invites

Kate: I don't want to be special. 

Cheese + Shellfish

Adam: This is risotto. It gets Parmesan. F--k off. 

Race Prep

Ed: Lisa, leave your pants on!

Lisa: I've never had a guy tell me that. 

Here's the Line.

Nicole: He could be small, he could be crooked -- fine. But a Republican? No!

Friend Meeting

Dana: I'm nice! And I have a puppy!

Camping

Adam: It would be easier to level the car with a beer. 

Silver Star

Darren: The truck was in a gear I didn't even know it had. I was waiting for some gage to just pop off and springs to come flying out the engine.

Test Fixtures

Toby: I recommend taking not fighting gravity into that discussion.

With regards to French wine...

Grayson: Let's funnel these bitches!

Sushi

Christie: It wasn't getting any younger and neither was I so I figured we were made for each other. 

Man up, Chad.

Grayson: Unless a zombie hit you across the head with your truck bumper during a bar fight, you have no excuse for not being there.

Americans

Mark: You look French.
Curtis: I do?!?
Tim: But the French are less chubby.

I maintain my position.

Suzanne: Boys are dumb.  Still.  I think I've been saying that since I was five.

Pocket Knife

Adam: Why is there blood on this? Oh wait,  it's wine.

Unfortunate window covering gap.

Andrew: Seriously -- the moon is right in my face. How many thousands of miles away is that motherf---er?

Route Home

Dad: What's the route between Nashville and Dallas?

Andrew: Straight. 

Movie

Jennifer: What movie is this?

Andrew: Bruce Willis Kicks Ass. Not sure if it's #1 or #10.

No helmet laws.

Andrew: Consider it assisted suicide. It's a Libertarian thing. 

Bourbon Tasting

Dad: Ice cubes equal safety. 

We all do.

Rich: Why do I have to work with idiots?

The Intern

Becky: That's older than me!

Mark: MOST things are older than you.