I maintain my position.

Suzanne: Boys are dumb.  Still.  I think I've been saying that since I was five.

Pocket Knife

Adam: Why is there blood on this? Oh wait,  it's wine.

Unfortunate window covering gap.

Andrew: Seriously -- the moon is right in my face. How many thousands of miles away is that motherf---er?

Route Home

Dad: What's the route between Nashville and Dallas?

Andrew: Straight. 

Movie

Jennifer: What movie is this?

Andrew: Bruce Willis Kicks Ass. Not sure if it's #1 or #10.

No helmet laws.

Andrew: Consider it assisted suicide. It's a Libertarian thing. 

Bourbon Tasting

Dad: Ice cubes equal safety. 

We all do.

Rich: Why do I have to work with idiots?

The Intern

Becky: That's older than me!

Mark: MOST things are older than you. 

ZooTunes

Dana: There are a lot of children in this city. And they are all here tonight. 

ETA

Trey: As early as we get over there is the earliest we can be there.

Straight Forward

Jen: I'm working on my honesty and upfrontedness.
Rich: Don't take that too far.

Lifestyle

Chance: I am in the first generation of immortals. 

Making Perfume

Christie: Summer started with Rosemary and lemon. Then Naomi added her feet. 

Fall Protection

Pat: I must be more disposable that I thought.

Analogy

Bernie: Too bad Boeing is crashing as fast as a Malaysian 777.

Management Meetings

Steve: How's that for a coaching moment? Get over it!

Zero

Frank: Don has been about that much help.

Meeting Thursday

Mark: I'm so exhausted from adding value.

Longevity

Regan: I don't want to live to be a hundred if I can't wipe my own ass. 

Portage Bay Cafe

Gretchen: I'm definitely slowing down. That's ok. I'll take a breather and have some bacon. 

Drunk STP'er

Drunk Dude: can you believe they just left me here?

Jen: Noooooo. 

DD: Can I call you Frank?

Jen: Sure. 

DD: What's your real name? I'm sorry I'm so drunk. 

Jen: Ellen. 

DD: Hi Ellen. And who are you?

Gretchen. I'm Ann. 

Wide knees

Gretchen: I've seen a lot of men riding like that. Must be a ball thing. 

Jeny needs to focus on worrying!

Andre: Wait -- I don't understand how we went from breakfast to underpants. 

Riding Troubles

Pat: Yeah, it was a bad week for flats. 

Becky: Or someone was strategically placing tacks exactly where you were riding. Sounds like something an intern would do. 

Oyster Sauce

Trey: I call it ice sauce. 

Pat: Minionette!!

Jen: Like Becky!

Been doing it for years!

Frank: I can BS my way through most of this place. 

4th of July Safety Lessons

Leave ALL fireworks to the professionals

·         Even the smallest fireworks are dangerous

·         Children should listen to their parents

·         Just because someone says they’re a medic, doesn’t mean they are a good medic

·         I was a lucky kid because the outcome could have been much worse

·         Everything can go very wrong in a heartbeat

Senses

Curtis: Hey!  I thought I smelled you!
Kelvin: What!  Hey Jen, do I smell?

Ours is dark too.

Merrill: I personally disagree with holding a wedding near a holiday called Independence Day, but my humor is dark.

ATV For Sale

Mark: You broken any bones lately?  Looks like it might help!!

Strava DFL

Chance: That's what happens when you spend most of the time laying on the ground moaning. 

Justification

Andrea: I call it a "palette cleanser" so that I can eat dessert ALL THE TIME.

Shipping Process

Mark: We have entered the Eighth Circle of Chicken Shit. 

Four hour ceremony.

Cusak: That sounds like a simple recipe for a riot. 

I've fallen in this trap before.

Pat: Tim, did you check to see that those sunglasses said "men's" on them?

Riding to San Diego.

Jennifer: It only makes me mildly nervous that you guys are buying bikes and immediately riding them 2000 miles.
Andrew: Only 1800.
Jennifer: Oh.  I feel much better now, thanks.

Bike riding in the hallways

Joe: Aren't you a manager? Shouldn't you be setting a better example?

Jen: Yes and nope!!

MPE Rules

Jen: It's like -- I'm not going to stop you from jumping off the bridge, but I am going to tell you about gravity.

Sugar High at Mile 45

Ehrin: That entire bottle of Gatorade is either in my stomach or being carried on my bike.

Lift

Chance: It seems that people at Boeing would be interested. But some people... aren't. 

Zana & Jeny

Chance: You two make me crazy. 

Plug in cooler.

Rich: There was an incident with the cooler and 12 pounds of pork chops. 

Clarity

Mark: Where's Rich?  Oh yeah, in class! 
Jen: Glad I could help.
Mark: Looking at you made it all clear.
Jen: Not enough men tell me that, Mark.

Brewers Fans

Mom: The September 13 Brewers game is all sold out. It is Hank the Dog Bobble Head Day.

Polo Shirts & Khakis

Jen: My intern and I are dressed exactly alike today.
Fred: Oh no!  Purdue Mafia!

Whitefish Trails

Jeny: Did you see my bike go sideways back there?

Zana: Did you see me take this baby off road as to not run over you?

Mr. Park Ranger, when do you let the animals in?

Pete: Well around 7:00, we let a few hundred thousand border collies loose in the park. They start with the grizzly bears and then move on to the wolverines. Some don't come back. Every Monday we have to restock a few dozen collies. 

And then George proceeded to save the cat.

Pete: The cat is stuck in the tree. 

Zana: Which tree?

Elma: You know who's really good at climbing trees? George!!

I've been designing them all day.

Elma: I f-ing hate trees.

Snot rockets.

Zana: I don't know how you even have friends. 

I assigned it to Steve.

Frank: You can blame me and tell them I'm on vacation.

Staff

John: They didn't seem to grasp what we do. At all.

Outdoor Fluids Conference

Toby: Yeah, if we're meeting at the park, I'll bring my kid.  He's seen me drink plenty of times.  Every day -- just to deal with him!

A second cup of tea.

Pat: It's another great day for The Boeing Company.  I'm walking around adding value.

The first penguin.

Tim:  Any whales out there?  Hey Fred, go check it out.  Whelp, yes, I guess there are whales.  Sorry Fred.

Sunshine Bug

Steve: Enjoy the dentist - don't get sunburned!

Hearing Test Results

Rich: They done test our hearing.
Trey: We hear good.

Start Platform

Tiffany: You think it's ok to tie the launch here? How sturdy is it?

Jeny: Tom is sitting on it; should be fine. 

Ref Meeting

Tom: Refs! We're meeting over here!

Letcher: I quit. 

Regatta Roles

Tom: The deputy badge says "idiot."

Buckets of Booze

Patty: You know the Tiff Wood Rule? They have one for Mariah too. 

We call that the "Armageggon Now" Marina

John: That's when management forbid us from talking to the media. 

Leadership

Kate: I hear the last fluids conference was well attended. I'm sorry I missed it! It was scheduled 3 to 5 and people were there until after 10.
Jen: I have no idea who that would have been.

Commitment Level Estimate

Toby: I only bring this up because it will punish us for the next seven years.

The Floggins Continue

Pete:  Are you looking for hope?  There isn't any.

Frosting Opinion

Marty: We probably can’t go too wrong with OSU colors.  I will say that orange and black are not my favorite colors for cake, as black does not taste very good and orange just doesn’t look appetizing.  Black cake frosting consists of way too much food coloring and that ruins the flavor.

Uni

Jen: When it's good, it's reeeeeealy good. But when it's bad, it's really awful. 

Pat: So, it's like the opposite of sex. 

It took 13 to get here this morning.

Zana: Beer -- a standard unit of measure.

Girls Sticking Together

Kate: I have a conflict tomorrow and can't facilitate the meeting.  Anyone want to volunteer?
Dave: I have a conflict too.
Pete: Me too.
Jen: Kate, you need not ask these boys for help.  I've got you covered.
Kate: Glad *someone* does.
Steve: Jen, good observation skills on identifying who the slackers are.

Battery Charging

Adam: Do you have a meter?

Jen: I work in a lab. 

Adam: Right. 

Stabbing myself in the eye...

Mark: You'd have to put your forks in a speed loader.

Lab Rat

Mark: Did the rat have a badge?  How'd he get in?

Yoga Teachers

Anna: Find your calling, because this isn't it.

Unintentional EVM Consequence

Ben: I've been f-ing John since I started.

I'm in to carrots.

Trey: Miller, when can you start being my life coach?

OA Support

Jen:  Your head might explode before she drops dead from a heart attack.
Tim:  That would mean she won.

Origami

Curtis: Can you make an elephant?  I just made a giraffe.  Turns out a giraffe fits inside the camera case.

Instructions

Pete: You guys are obviously not following directions. 

New Safety Standards

Steve: I'm going to walk around with my eyes closed so I don't have to enforce anything. 

Hard Run

Pat: I think I strained a fat muscle.

Superman Pajama Pants

Peggy: She knows how cool I am. 

Too soon?

Adam: Why don't you make like a 777 and get lost?

Helmet stash in the car.

Adam: If a helmet isn't recommended, then it's probably not worth doing. 

Proper grammar.

Adam: I have to pee myself. 

Dog Ownership

Jo: We used to have Goldens. We used to be normal. 

Whitefish Reputation

Zana: If you EVER refer to me as "lovely" walk me out to the back 40 and put knot in my head.

Who's responsible for this power outage?

Chance: My money’s on an angry bear.  I’d be angry too if someone pepper-sprayed my face when all I wanted was a hug.

Safety Glasses Required

Dave: You need to watch out for all those binary bits flying around. They'll get you in the eye!

Support in France

Toby: Oh, I'm not going to work.  I'll just be there to fan the mosquitoes off of you.

Monday Night

Zana: A full bottle of wine is my single serving. 

Comparison

Farmer: David Lee Roth is so much sexier than Katy Perry. 

A boot of beer.

Mandy: I'll going to not get shit-faced by sharing!! That could fail in a hurry...

Driving to Regionals, circa 2008

Bill: My legs hurt.
Matt: Your EGGS hurt?
Bill: Yes.  My eggs hurt, and my fallopian tubes are f-ing killing me.

Welcome to Management

Jen: When do I get my new kool-aid cup?
Melvin:  It's in the mail.  You get free kool-aid all day long!

Steel Toes

Rich:  Can I have permission to go get my own shoes so that I don't have to use the gross old loaner pair of shoes anymore?

Adam's Superpower

Adam: You know what I am? An entropy amplifier. In my presence, entropy accelerates. 

See you in Hell, in half an hour.

Super Pete: Man, I need a hot dog -- or SOMETHING!

Sick Day

Mark:  Bronchitis is only for those who can hack it.

Defined Contribution

Pete: Did anyone know it's Employee Appreciation Day?  80% of my folks are out sick.

Marty:  A number of my employees started getting sick yesterday after hearing the pension news.